Excuses for avoiding someone.

by eddie Fri Sep 14, 2018 1:49 am

First topic message reminder :

Just being honest, I never make excuses.

Excuses for avoiding someone. - Page 2 6a60b310

If you make excuses, why? What are you avoiding?

by Guest Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:39 pm

Syl wrote:
Didge wrote:

Because as I told you last week, I am trying to keep them from spiralling out of control

Hey ho

OK, and to give you credit in the threads I have read you have.

Thanks, anyway, things to do, so have a good evening Syl

x

by Syl Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:39 pm

Didge wrote:
Syl wrote:Everyone is boring sometimes. I have a friend and whenever she has a problem or I have a problem we talk it out with each other. Sometimes she goes on and on...sometimes I do.
I would never tell her she is droning on though...even if I think she is. I will try to change the subject or suggest we do something, but to tel her she is boring would be to make her think she couldn't off load onto me....and she can.
I'm sure she thinks the same about me.

That to me is what friendship is....not some cut and dried 'truth' that has to be told regardless of who's feelings you hurt in the name of 'honesty'..

Can you imagine how she would feel, reading the above?

I dont have to imagine I know....we laugh about it later, but at the time when one or the other of us needs support...we get it.

by Raggamuffin Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:40 pm

Syl wrote:Everyone is boring sometimes. I have a friend and whenever she has a problem or I have a problem we talk it out with each other. Sometimes she goes on and on...sometimes I do.
I would never tell her she is droning on though...even if I think she is. I will try to change the subject or suggest we do something, but to tel her she is boring would be to make her think she couldn't off load onto me....and she can.
I'm sure she thinks the same about me.

That to me is what friendship is....not some cut and dried 'truth' that has to be told regardless of who's feelings you hurt in the name of 'honesty'..

Exactly. None of us can be interesting all the time.

by Vintage Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:40 pm

Didge wrote:
Syl wrote:

I'm not annoyed, it normally takes more than a conversation on a forum to annoy me.

So answer this, if a very elderly ailing relative, suffering from the first stages of dementia, was unaware that a family member had died, and they asked how they were.....and you knew that there was no chance of the older person ever finding out the family member had died, but you also knew they would be terribly upset to hear of the death.....would you tell them or just let them believe the person was OK?

Not sure how you think lying to her would help?

When the view would be to help people continually remember?

So I again would be honest with them, as they then may help them to remember more again

From experience that works for a while but as things progress its best to go with the flow, not to cause further confusion and distress, if someone keeps asking about a loved one that has died and you keep telling them that they've died and the person gets deeplt distressed as if they are hearing it for the first time, how is that possibly being kind? Exactly how is being honest helping them?

by Guest Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:45 pm

Vintage wrote:
Didge wrote:

Not sure how you think lying to her would help?

When the view would be to help people continually remember?

So I again would be honest with them, as they then may help them to remember more again

From experience that works for a while but as things progress its best to go with the flow, not to cause further confusion and distress, if someone keeps asking about a loved one that has died and you keep telling them that they've died and the person gets deeplt distressed as if they are hearing it for the first time, how is that possibly being kind? Exactly how is being honest helping them?

I can see your point as the illness gets worse. Thus in this extreme example I would make an exception, because of such conditions and will concede that point. On every other situation with friends and family my stance remains the same

Anyway have to go, so have a lovely evening

by Raggamuffin Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:47 pm

A friend of a friend said something honest to another friend, and the fallout is still going on. Laughing

by Syl Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:48 pm

Didge wrote:
Syl wrote:

OK, and to give you credit in the threads I have read you have.

Thanks, anyway, things to do, so have a good evening Syl

x

And you too. x

by Guest Fri Sep 14, 2018 9:03 pm

To show I do work through many reasons where It could be acceptable to make a white lie. As I certainly do try to think outside my own box. I did think of another

So I will concede a second time, where I think its acceptable to use a white lie.

For surprises. As sometimes people need to tell a white lie in order for the surprise to work.

by Fred Moletrousers Sat Sep 15, 2018 5:31 pm

My excuse is that I'm old enough and grumpy enough not to suffer fools gladly - and not to feel guilty about it.

by veya_victaous Mon Sep 17, 2018 1:53 am

I think if you don't make excuses on some occasions, you have little Empathy for the feelings of others.
I think having a hard and fast rule for this sort of social interaction is stupid, childish and self absorbed.

the way to respond depends on the Specifics of the circumstance...

by Syl Mon Sep 17, 2018 1:18 pm

veya_victaous wrote:I think if you don't make excuses on some occasions, you have little Empathy for the feelings of others.
I think having a hard and fast rule for this sort of social interaction is stupid, childish and self absorbed.

the way to respond depends on the Specifics of the circumstance...

I agree ...that makes sense to me.

by JulesV Mon Sep 17, 2018 1:37 pm

Raggamuffin wrote:
Syl wrote:Everyone is boring sometimes. I have a friend and whenever she has a problem or I have a problem we talk it out with each other. Sometimes she goes on and on...sometimes I do.
I would never tell her she is droning on though...even if I think she is. I will try to change the subject or suggest we do something, but to tel her she is boring would be to make her think she couldn't off load onto me....and she can.
I'm sure she thinks the same about me.

That to me is what friendship is....not some cut and dried 'truth' that has to be told regardless of who's feelings you hurt in the name of 'honesty'..

Exactly. None of us can be interesting all the time.

Yeah I sometimes get the 'boring' jibe on forums. Cos I don't join in when posters start discussing their jetsetting lifestyles and the purchase of latest high performance cars etc etc. I keep it real.

Do I care if a stranger on a website calls me boring? No.

I know the wonderful things I've achieved in my life, but I think if you share too much of your life, you loose too much of your anonymity.

by JulesV Mon Sep 17, 2018 1:41 pm

On topic - yes I'd try to be a little bit tactful if I wanted to refuse or postpone a meeting with a friend.

I'd hardly say "just go away, I haven't got the time"!

by nicko Mon Sep 17, 2018 2:33 pm

A friend in need----------is a bleeding nuisance. [not to me ],
Saw this on a Toilet wall.

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