Apology

I have over the last couple of days behaved like a total cow to everyone in general and some in particular. I would like to apologize. I have been off my pain meds as I thought I was able to cope - I was wrong, I was blocking pain mentally instead which leaves me in a foul temper, Again I apologize.

Apology accepted.

sphinx wrote:I have over the last couple of days behaved like a total cow to everyone in general and some in particular.  I would like to apologize.  I have been off my pain meds as I thought I was able to cope - I was wrong, I was blocking pain mentally instead which leaves me in a foul temper,  Again I apologize.

Hope you are feeling better today Sphinx
x

I have restarted the painkillers and will be apologizing to my family as well. I hurt more because I have recognized and dropped the the mental blocks but feel better in myself as I return to my normal sunny patient placid self lol

tried coming off pain killers several times,pain comes back with a vengeance and you want to kill anyone who says a word out of place!!

Unfortunately, because I am highly allergic to all painkillers, I just have to live with the pain. Couldn't even have any after a very big cancer op last year. I have to find other ways to cope.

Chronic pain is a bitch. Painkillers are horrible so you want to come off them and yet coping with pain uses so much resources it is easy to become ridiculously short tempered so its finding a balance.

Sassy wrote:Unfortunately, because I am highly allergic to all painkillers, I just have to live with the pain.   Couldn't even have any after a very big cancer op last year.   I have to find other ways to cope.

..that must be really hard Sassy, I know what you mean, maybe different pain though,mine is spinal.

...where most can take painkillers you can not, but then you have always sounded as rough as nails no matter what life has thrown at you.

I would say quite unique tbh.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!    Well, I smashed both my knees a while ago, and they have never been able to operate because of the other things that have happened.   The op sliced my tummy from side to side, I now have a rheumatic problem which the doc puts down to all the stress I have had over the last few years, and the chronic leukaemia give me extreme fatigue, I can't walk to town, which is only 10 mins, without sitting down.   In all, I'm a mess lol.   Why my other half is determined we are going to get married in June, I have no idea.   Chemo in a few weeks for the leaukeamia, gawd knows what that is going to do, but be buggered if any of it is going to beat me and I'll still be campaigning locally one way or another.

Have to say though, my patience flew out the window some time ago, especially with some.

Sassy wrote:LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!    Well, I smashed both my knees a while ago, and they have never been able to operate because of the other things that have happened.   The op sliced my tummy from side to side, I now have a rheumatic problem which the doc puts down to all the stress I have had over the last few years, and the chronic leukaemia give me extreme fatigue, I can't walk to town, which is only 10 mins, without sitting down.   In all, I'm a mess lol.   Why my other half is determined we are going to get married in June, I have no idea.   Chemo in a few weeks for the leaukeamia, gawd knows what that is going to do, but be buggered if any of it is going to beat me and I'll still be campaigning locally one way or another.

Have to say though, my patience flew out the window some time ago, especially with some.

Do you ever have an awareness that you are loosing it even while you are loosing it if that makes sense?

sphinx wrote:

Sassy wrote:LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!    Well, I smashed both my knees a while ago, and they have never been able to operate because of the other things that have happened.   The op sliced my tummy from side to side, I now have a rheumatic problem which the doc puts down to all the stress I have had over the last few years, and the chronic leukaemia give me extreme fatigue, I can't walk to town, which is only 10 mins, without sitting down.   In all, I'm a mess lol.   Why my other half is determined we are going to get married in June, I have no idea.   Chemo in a few weeks for the leaukeamia, gawd knows what that is going to do, but be buggered if any of it is going to beat me and I'll still be campaigning locally one way or another.

Have to say though, my patience flew out the window some time ago, especially with some.

Do you ever have an awareness that you are loosing it even while you are loosing it if that makes sense?

Yes, but then again, I tend to use 'loosing it' to give vent and relieve the stress. I find it quite therapeutic lol My other half just goes 'problem day?' 'I'll go for a pint then'. I then throw some paint at a canvas and let rip. Changed my style of painting a number of times, used to paint like the one which is my avatar, now I tend to do very bright coloured abstracts.

sphinx wrote:

Sassy wrote:LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!    Well, I smashed both my knees a while ago, and they have never been able to operate because of the other things that have happened.   The op sliced my tummy from side to side, I now have a rheumatic problem which the doc puts down to all the stress I have had over the last few years, and the chronic leukaemia give me extreme fatigue, I can't walk to town, which is only 10 mins, without sitting down.   In all, I'm a mess lol.   Why my other half is determined we are going to get married in June, I have no idea.   Chemo in a few weeks for the leaukeamia, gawd knows what that is going to do, but be buggered if any of it is going to beat me and I'll still be campaigning locally one way or another.

Have to say though, my patience flew out the window some time ago, especially with some.

Do you ever have an awareness that you are loosing it even while you are loosing it if that makes sense?

..I'm sorry to hear that sassy, sometimes , actually quite often, we question why the fucking hell  we are here, as life is supposed to be a blessing, and it is in many ways, but just not for some, who wished not being created would be the hurt and or pain free option.

The latter of your post is extremely inspiring

Joy Division wrote:

sphinx wrote:

Do you ever have an awareness that you are loosing it even while you are loosing it if that makes sense?

..I'm sorry to hear that sassy, sometimes , actually quite often, we question why the fucking hell  we are here, as life is supposed to be a blessing, and it is in many ways, but just not for some, who wished not being created would be the hurt and or pain free option.

The latter of your post is extremely inspiring

Seriously you think life is not a blessing?

D

sphinx wrote:I have over the last couple of days behaved like a total cow to everyone in general and some in particular.  I would like to apologize.  I have been off my pain meds as I thought I was able to cope - I was wrong, I was blocking pain mentally instead which leaves me in a foul temper,  Again I apologize.

Apart from the physical symptoms, the mental ones can and do set in once pain medication , the sudden withdrawal is a lot for the body and mind to deal with after periods of being on pain medication, more so for opiates and some barbituites, so being short tempered, aggressive etc is a normal process of sudden withdrawal.

Sphinx, please dont tell me it is a blessing for everyone,It may well Should be, but it's  truly not for everyone, as we all have different circumstances.

I'd agree with that Joy. To some, it is too big a burden to carry.

Joy Division wrote:D

sphinx wrote:I have over the last couple of days behaved like a total cow to everyone in general and some in particular.  I would like to apologize.  I have been off my pain meds as I thought I was able to cope - I was wrong, I was blocking pain mentally instead which leaves me in a foul temper,  Again I apologize.

Apart from the physical symptoms, the mental ones can and do set in once pain medication , the sudden withdrawal is a lot for the body and mind to deal with after periods of being on pain medication, more so for opiates and some barbituites, so being short tempered, aggressive etc is a normal process of sudden withdrawal.

Hon I am not a complete dope and would never do sudden withdrawal.

The problem has been/is not the withdrawal of meds as I reduced and stopped them over the summer so much as I have been blocking increasing levels of pain mentally - and doing this blocking unconsciously - so have been slowly using more and more resources leaving less and less resources to deal with everyday life resulting in one very short temper.

Have you tried meditation Sphinx. It is something I have been doing since the 60s and I would not have got through without it.

A blessing can be a burden.
I am always severely worried when I hear people thinking that life is not a blessing for others because no person is ever fit to judge the quality of life of another. It is a horrible human habit to look at another and imagine what we think it is like to be them and deciding it would be intolerable for ourselves so it must be intolerable for them. I have too much experience of people finding themselves in situations they had imagined they would find intolerable only to discover that living was more precious than ever.

Both of you JD and Sassy should realize that there are huge numbers of people out there right now who would imagine your existences to be intolerable to yourselves - these people would hand you an overdose and help you consume it in a flash if you were unable to refuse it - and by unable to refuse it I include those odd 5 minutes we all experience when you are rock bottom and lacking the energy to maintain emotional balance and so would let them overdose you.

If you dont think others should have the right to kill you off because they think your lives are intolerable then please to avoid taking that right over others for yourself.

Sassy wrote:Have you tried meditation Sphinx.   It is something I have been doing since the 60s and I would not have got through without it.

Meditation is actually one of the things that causes the issue lol. I have studied meditation, self hypnosis and bio control since my teens and have very high levels of bio control. I can and do block pain mentally which is fine and dandy until the pain level creeps higher and I start blocking more and more without realizing it which is what has happened at the moment. I end up putting everything into the blocks and having nothing left for normal human relations unfortunately.

However I would not have it any other way as it keeps my medication use at a minimum - and I have a severe dislike of taking medication.

..,bit that is what this coalition government helped to do Sphinx...kill that blind laddie off as he had no other means , amd a job was out of the question, trust me ..my wife's pal is blind die to diabetes...

She only now has a job aged 41, her forts job as nobody would take her on being blind as a result of diabetes..


Before she got the Job she was only given it for a year , as other blind folk need a turn, she travels daily to Edinburgh fromDundee for her job...and is thrilled to have it...
They decided to keep her on full time.

Can you tell me if you think there is a mass employment market for blind people?..it's impossible to have enough suitable jobs for healthy folk, let alone blind people...

You can not magic up what is not there, just like council housing stock after the Thatcher era...which still lingers to this day.

Also,if a persons life has so little quality , then that should be for that person to decide to take their life...not you or I.

Ah, but I don't block the pain with meditation Sphinx.   I go with the pain, make it another feeling, like touch, sight, hearing.   It is an instument to show what is wrong where, so I don't damage myself.   It is my body talking to my mind.

Joy Division wrote:..,bit that is what this coalition government helped to do Sphinx...kill that blind laddie off as he had no other means , amd a job was out of the question, trust me ..my wife's pal is blind die to diabetes...

She only now has a job aged 41, her forts job as nobody would take her on being blind as a result of diabetes..


Before she got the Job she was only given it for a year , as other blind folk need a turn, she travels daily to Edinburgh fromDundee for her job...and is thrilled to have it...
They decided to keep her on full time.

Can you tell me if you think there is a mass employment market for blind people?..it's impossible to have enough suitable jobs for healthy folk, let alone blind people...

You can not magic up what is not there, just like council housing stock after the Thatcher era...which still lingers to this day.

Also,if a persons life has so little quality , then that should be for that person to decide to take their life...not you or I.

JD if you had been stood next to that man would you have handed him the tablets and made sure he took them?

sphinx wrote:A blessing can be a burden.
I am always severely worried when I hear people thinking that life is not a blessing for others because no person is ever fit to judge the quality of life of another.  It is a horrible human habit to look at another and imagine what we think it is like to be them and deciding it would be intolerable for ourselves so it must be intolerable for them.  I have too much experience of people finding themselves in situations they had imagined they would find intolerable only to discover that living was more precious than ever.

Both of you JD and Sassy should realize that there are huge numbers of people out there right now who would imagine your existences to be intolerable to yourselves - these people would hand you an overdose and help you consume it in a flash if you were unable to refuse it - and by unable to refuse it I include those odd 5 minutes we all experience when you are rock bottom and lacking the energy to maintain emotional balance and so would let them overdose you.  

If you dont think others should have the right to kill you off because they think your lives are intolerable then please to avoid taking that right over others for yourself.

Not quite what I meant. I meant when you decide yourself that life is too much of a burden. Some people can deal with a lot more than others, and we don't have the right to say someone must deal with the burden of their life if they feel they can't.

sphinx wrote:

Joy Division wrote:..,bit that is what this coalition government helped to do Sphinx...kill that blind laddie off as he had no other means , amd a job was out of the question, trust me ..my wife's pal is blind die to diabetes...

She only now has a job aged 41, her forts job as nobody would take her on being blind as a result of diabetes..


Before she got the Job she was only given it for a year , as other blind folk need a turn, she travels daily to Edinburgh fromDundee for her job...and is thrilled to have it...
They decided to keep her on full time.

Can you tell me if you think there is a mass employment market for blind people?..it's impossible to have enough suitable jobs for healthy folk, let alone blind people...

You can not magic up what is not there, just like council housing stock after the Thatcher era...which still lingers to this day.

Also,if a persons life has so little quality , then that should be for that person to decide to take their life...not you or I.

JD if you had been stood next to that man would you have handed him the tablets and made sure he took them?

I think you will find what Joy is saying, is that he would not have handed him the tablets etc, but if the man wanted to take the tablets that was his right.

sphinx wrote:

Sassy wrote:Have you tried meditation Sphinx.   It is something I have been doing since the 60s and I would not have got through without it.

Meditation is actually one of the things that causes the issue lol.  I have studied meditation, self hypnosis and bio control since my teens and have very high levels of bio control.  I can and do block pain mentally which is fine and dandy until the pain level creeps higher and I start blocking more and more without realizing it which is what has happened at the moment.  I end up putting everything into the blocks and having nothing left for normal human relations unfortunately.

However I would not have it any other way as it keeps my medication use at a minimum - and I have a severe dislike of taking medication.

Well Sphinx, I have pain medication to for a split cord malformation of the spine, bit I try to stay off meds until it becomes unbearable....

You often say yourself that we all have to try to help ourselves, and if taking painkillers long enough for something that is not life threatening only gets one I to a bigger pickle than ever, what with addiction setting in without one even realising it.

Sassy wrote:Ah, but I don't block the pain with meditation Sphinx.   I go with the pain, make it another feeling, like touch, sight, hearing.   It is an instument to show what is wrong where, so I don't damage myself.   It is my body talking to my mind.

The problem with fibro is the pain is because the brain has gone wrong and it is no longer an instrument - it is not indicative of there being something wrong and paying attention to it results in damage of a different kind namely wasting due to underuse. Different problems different solutions

No apology necessary Sphinx, chronic pain is incredibly difficult to cope with especially when it's long term   

I sincerely hope you are feeling better, life can be a bitch sometimes x

@sassy...that's exactly it sassy.

Joy Division wrote:@sassy...that's exactly it sassy.

Some people have the mental strength to deal with it, some don't, who are we to say they should have to.

Chronic pain and other conditions can totally change your personality, no doubt. I have experience as a sufferer of severe insomnia.

Joy Division wrote:

sphinx wrote:

Meditation is actually one of the things that causes the issue lol.  I have studied meditation, self hypnosis and bio control since my teens and have very high levels of bio control.  I can and do block pain mentally which is fine and dandy until the pain level creeps higher and I start blocking more and more without realizing it which is what has happened at the moment.  I end up putting everything into the blocks and having nothing left for normal human relations unfortunately.

However I would not have it any other way as it keeps my medication use at a minimum - and I have a severe dislike of taking medication.

Well Sphinx, I have pain medication to for a split cord malformation of the spine, bit I try to stay off meds until it becomes unbearable....

You often say yourself that we all have to try to help ourselves, and if taking painkillers long enough for something that is not life threatening only gets one I to a bigger pickle than ever, what with addiction setting in without one even realising it.

Dont fall into the common mistake of confusing addicted with dependent. Someone is addicted if stopping something will cause short term acute symptoms that resolve in time and may leave the person with more function than before. If stopping something leaves a person with long term symptoms and less function than when taking it then the person is dependent.

Or to present it another way nobody ever says a diabetic is addicted to their insulin.

Ben_Reilly wrote:Chronic pain and other conditions can totally change your personality, no doubt. I have experience as a sufferer of severe insomnia.

That ones a bummer - I have disturbed malfunctioning sleep with the fibro (nobody knows if that is a cause or effect of it but it is an accepted symptom) but thankfully normally manage some sort of sleep.

Sassy wrote:

Joy Division wrote:@sassy...that's exactly it sassy.

Some people have the mental strength to deal with it, some don't, who are we to say they should have to.

...that is right sassy, I've always said we alone should decide if we have had enough, nobody else, as we all cope with things differently ...

I don't like anyone making out we can all cope with anything.

Who are we to decide another person cannot cope?

There is absolutely nothing that saps my energy, pulls down my resistance, and rips the will to live out of me than it being assumed, or being treated like, I cannot cope

sphinx wrote:

Ben_Reilly wrote:Chronic pain and other conditions can totally change your personality, no doubt. I have experience as a sufferer of severe insomnia.

That ones a bummer - I have disturbed malfunctioning sleep with the fibro (nobody knows if that is a cause or effect of it but it is an accepted symptom) but thankfully normally manage some sort of sleep.

...I would swap you in a flash...and I mean that If it could be done...

On top of the split cord formation and curvatures of the spine, I have a very underactive thryroid, which leaves me feeling knackered and down on top of the lithium I take as well as the escitalopram to treat depression due to my brothers suicide.

Not to mention right foot talipes and bother with my leg since birth, I don't want violins as I know their are much worse than me out there, but there are much worse than us both Sphinx...and in saying that and in more ways than one..one of them is on this board, and it's not me or you Sphinx, I don't want to go into it as it's not my business, but I  now look up to that person.


So as we all have different circumstances and different coping mechanisms ...there is absolutely no way you can all say we can cope with things the same way Sphinx...theses differences are what make us all unique.

We all find ways of coping the situations we find ourselves in different ways.  Just because some don't "have the mental strength to deal with it" doesn't mean they have a lower pain threshold.  You can't quantify the level of pain individuals experience

Chronic pain and lack of sleep are incredibly difficult to cope with. We are all different and I think sphinx has shown great self awareness and honesty, FTL is right no apology was needed.

I

sphinx wrote:Who are we to decide another person cannot cope?

There is absolutely nothing that saps my energy, pulls down my resistance, and rips the will to live out of me than it being assumed, or being treated like, I cannot cope

...while you can cope or not cope with your own issues, who are we to say others can cope?...they will decide that Sphinx, nobody else.

I

feelthelove wrote:We all find ways of coping the situations we find ourselves in different ways.  Just because some don't "have the mental strength to deal with it" doesn't mean they have a lower pain threshold.  You can't quantify the level of pain individuals experience

That's all I was trying to say

sphinx wrote:Who are we to decide another person cannot cope?

There is absolutely nothing that saps my energy, pulls down my resistance, and rips the will to live out of me than it being assumed, or being treated like, I cannot cope

...good for you, but as I said already, others have much different circumstances and ways of coping or not coping.

Joy Division wrote:I

feelthelove wrote:We all find ways of coping the situations we find ourselves in different ways.  Just because some don't "have the mental strength to deal with it" doesn't mean they have a lower pain threshold.  You can't quantify the level of pain individuals experience

That's all I was trying to say

Thanks JD x

When you are suffering intolerable pain there is nothing worse than someone insinuating you are incapable of coping.  No one can say the levels of pain individuals experience  

feelthelove wrote:

Joy Division wrote:I

That's all I was trying to say

Thanks JD x

When you are suffering intolerable pain there is nothing worse than someone insinuating you are incapable of coping.  No one can say the levels of pain individuals experience  

I dont know - the insinuations that because you are coping you must be lying come close.   

sphinx wrote:

feelthelove wrote:

Thanks JD x

When you are suffering intolerable pain there is nothing worse than someone insinuating you are incapable of coping.  No one can say the levels of pain individuals experience  

I dont know - the insinuations that because you are coping you must be lying come close.   

Its a rock and a hard place isnt it?!
Do you mind me asking - is the fibro getting worse?

NemsAgain wrote:

sphinx wrote:

I dont know - the insinuations that because you are coping you must be lying come close.   

Its a rock and a hard place isnt it?!
Do you mind me asking - is the fibro getting worse?

It seems to be stable at the moment. I have found after a dodgy start the ESA advisor is very helpful and useful and seems to accept my limitations. My management has got better but there are still occasions when I get it wrong   

sphinx wrote:

NemsAgain wrote:

Its a rock and a hard place isnt it?!
Do you mind me asking - is the fibro getting worse?

It seems to be stable at the moment.  I have found after a dodgy start the ESA advisor is very helpful and useful and seems to accept my limitations.  My management has got better but there are still occasions when I get it wrong   

Tell me you are in the support group

For me it's like some sailing through childbirth with no pain relief and another needing an epidural. Same situation but every birth is different, we are all different and the level of pain we experience is different

Joy Division wrote:I

sphinx wrote:Who are we to decide another person cannot cope?

There is absolutely nothing that saps my energy, pulls down my resistance, and rips the will to live out of me than it being assumed, or being treated like, I cannot cope

...while you can cope or not cope with your own issues, who are we to say others can cope?...they will decide that Sphinx, nobody else.

Exactly, nobody has the right to tell anyone if they can cope or not, and it takes great resources to cope and drains you. If they can't, we don't have the right to tell them they must.

Sphinx...addictive ness and dependency often end in the same result...

Amd btw, I'm not saying your lying ok, as insinuated I did, like I said, I've a few conditions of my own , and I know what pain can feel like.


Just drop the cheap shots and digs, ok.

Sassy wrote:

Joy Division wrote:I

...while you can cope or not cope with your own issues, who are we to say others can cope?...they will decide that Sphinx, nobody else.

Exactly, nobody has the right to tell anyone if they can cope or not, and it takes great resources to cope and drains you.   If they can't, we don't have the right to tell them they must.

....and it doesn't make you any lesser a person either Sassy, simply their pain may be greater than others. I don't believe it's about strength of character or great resources tbh