To the Woman Behind Me in Line at the Grocery Store

Dear woman behind me in line at the grocery store,
You don't know me. You have no clue what my life has been like since October 1, 2013. You have no clue that my family has gone through the wringer. You have no clue that we have faced unbelievable hardship. You have no clue we have been humiliated, humbled, destitute.
You have no clue I have cried more days than not; that I fight against bitterness taking control of my heart. You have no clue that my husband's pride was shattered. You have no clue my kids have had the worries of an adult on their shoulders. You have no clue their innocence was snatched from them for no good reason. You know none of this.
What you do know is I tried to buy my kids some food and that the EBT machine was down so I couldn't buy that food. I didn't have any cash or my debit card with me. I only had my SNAP card. All you heard was me saying "No, don't hold it for me. My kids are hungry now and I have no other way of paying for this." You didn't judge me. You didn't snarl "Maybe you should have less kids." You didn't say "Well, get a job and learn to support yourself." You didn't look away in embarrassment or shame for me. You didn't make any assumptions at all.
What you did was you paid that $17.38 grocery bill for us. You gave my kids bananas, yogurt, apple juice, cheese sticks, and a peach ice tea for me; a rare treat and splurge. You let me hug you and promise through my tears that I WILL pay this forward. I WILL pay someone's grocery bill for them. That $17.38 may not have been a lot for you, but it was priceless to us. In the car my kids couldn't stop gushing about you; our "angel in disguise." They prayed for you. They prayed you would be blessed. You restored some of our lost faith. One simple and small action changed our lives. You probably have forgotten about us by now, but we haven't forgotten about you. You will forever be a part of us even though we don't even know your name.
You have no clue how grateful and embarrassed I am that we pay for all our food with SNAP. We eat well thanks to the government. I love that. I love that the government makes sure my kids are cared for. It is one less worry for us. I also struggle with pride and embarrassment. I defiantly tell people we are on SNAP. Daring them to judge us.
Only those closest to us know why we are on SNAP. They know my husband is a hard worker who was laid off after 17 years in a management position with his former company. They know we were moved from our home to a new state only to be left homeless since the house we had came with the job he lost. Only those closest to us know my husband works part time while looking tirelessly for more; that he has submitted more applications than he has received interviews for. Too many jobs are only offering part time work anymore. It is not easy for a 40-something year old to find a job that will support his family of five kids.
You know none of this but you didn't let that stop you from being compassionate and generous to someone you have never met.
To the woman behind me at the grocery store, you have no idea how much we appreciate you. You have no idea the impact you had on my kids. You have no idea how incredibly thankful I am for you. Your action may have been small, but to us it was monumental. Thank you.
Thank you for not judging us. Thank you for giving my kids a snack when they were quite hungry. Thank you. Just thank you.
Forever,
Andrea, the woman in front of you at the grocery store with the cart full of kids who are no longer hungry
This post first appeared on Andrea's blog truestoriesofamidwestyankee.wordpress.com


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrea-gardner/to-the-woman-behind-me-in_b_5082769.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063




The more people in the world who are this kind, the better it will be.

Tell us of the action you would have taken in a similar situation? Sassy.

The same, and have done many times.  When my youngest daughter died I was very honoured that the homeless people she had befriended and we had helped came to her funeral.  Never judge people that are down, or homeless, or broke, you don't know their story.

sassy wrote:The same, and have done many times.  When my youngest daughter died I was very honoured that the homeless people she had befriended and we had helped came to her funeral.  Never judge people that are down, or homeless, or broke, you don't know their story.

Of course you have Sassy, of course you have, we all believe you being so rich.

I'm not rich Stormee, if I was my partner would not still be working at nearly 66 to keep our heads above water.  I spent quite a long with my grandparents on one of the most run down council estates in Wandsworth and saw how people were treated and how all of them, Poles, British, Cypriots, Jamaicans, Maltese, Russian Jews, Sikhs, Muslims and all colours and creeds inbetween, helped each other.  My Grandmother was half Maltese, had been brought up in the East End in an exceptionally large family.  One of her maxims was, help those in trouble, it might be you one day.

Storm, I don't get it? Why are you attacking another poster because she's said she's done this before (or similar)?
Ive done similar before and I can tell you now, I'd have done the same thing in this situation. Absolutely. No shadow of a doubt.
Why wouldn't I?

I bloody wouldn't... she probably gets more disposable income from benefits than me and most people I know...

Tommy Monk wrote:I bloody wouldn't... she probably gets more disposable income from benefits than me and most people I know...

Know what? I wouldn't let kids go hungry....so I know I can sleep at night quite peacefully.
You can choose which kids you want to starve and which kids you don't.

I already pay huge amounts in taxes which already massively go towards the looking after of other peoples children... if she doesn't care enough about her own children to spend her handouts properly...most of which she will only be getting BECAUSE of the children and FOR the children...

eddie wrote:Storm, I don't get it? Why are you attacking another poster because she's said she's done this before (or similar)?
Ive done similar before and I can tell you now, I'd have done the same thing in this situation. Absolutely. No shadow of a doubt.
Why wouldn't I?

Attacking her, oh really, may I respectfully suggest you look at her name calling to me or is this a one sided forum???????????

I believe people here have done this I have myself.

If someone cant pay for their shop because they don't have enough cash or because their card wont allow them to, and their shopping consists of vital foods and not booze or luxury items, and if you could help them why not?

I have only seen it happen a couple of times, both times my heart has gone out to them, there for the grace of God go me, you , or a loved one.

Why not..?

Because they have most likely already had their own money for such things but have instead already spent it on fags/booze/drugs etc!

I don't doubt a minority of people spend their money on drugs and booze rather than feeding their kids, but I believe the vast majority don't do that and simply cant manage.
Food banks would not be multiplying around the country if that wasn't the case....and people do have to be referred to them, they cant just waltz in and take advantage of the service.

Rubbish!

Tommy Monk wrote:Rubbish!

Bollox.

http://www.trusselltrust.org/how-it-works

Stormee wrote:

eddie wrote:Storm, I don't get it? Why are you attacking another poster because she's said she's done this before (or similar)?
Ive done similar before and I can tell you now, I'd have done the same thing in this situation. Absolutely. No shadow of a doubt.
Why wouldn't I?

Attacking her, oh really, may I respectfully suggest you look at her name calling to me or is this a one sided forum???????????

Oh it's a word. Okay then, disputing the point? Is that better?

Still rubbish Syl...


Nothing to do with OP or my points.


Both unemployed and low earning people in this country with children get huge amounts of money handed out to them BECAUSE of the kids and FOR the kids... food provisions are priority for this money... no excuses.


The op story was not about anyone in uk.


But I'd bet that money was similarly already provided for kids in story... again... no excuses!

I know the op story wasn't about anyone in the UK, but that does happen here.
There are financial benefits that come with having children, but unemployed and low earners can still struggle, I know of people who do....and they don't spend money on booze or fags either.

People using foodbanks have gone up 19% in the last year, if you think poverty is not happening in the UK you are wrong.

A similar situation here - When we are in Spain, Portugal and similar places the gypos send their kids begging from those they ID as holidaymakers/tourists while mum sits outside a shop on the sidewalk with another baby or two in her arms and pregnant again.
For quite a while we dished it out a bit but our friends who lived in the next villa were forever telling us not to do so, the locals ignored them.

Before anyone asks me to take them on holiday, villa is SOLD.

There is poverty in the UK and it makes me angry TBH.
WE MUST LOOK AFTER OUR OWN FIRST. Simpul IMHO.

Portugal was terrible for beggars shoving their disability in your face if you were eating in an outside café.

The story here is different though.

I don't believe many people would not offer help...or at least feel sympathy if they had no spare cash, if someone was genuinely struggling to pay a small food bill.

Stop trying to shift the debate onto food banks... fact remains that both the unemployed and low earners with kids will already have been given more than enough handout money, with the primary reason being buying food!


There are no excuses!

Nearly 100,000 of Britain's poorest children go hungry after parents' benefits are cut
A report by a coalition of churches also found that more than 100 people with severe mental health problems a day were sanctioned

Nearly 100,000 of the poorest children in the UK went hungry last year because their parents’ benefits were stopped or cut, according to a report by a coalition of churches.
A total of more than a million benefit sanctions were imposed last year - sometimes simply because people were late for an appointment at the Jobcentre - although more than 120,000 of those decisions were overturned on appeal.
Researchers found that more than 100 people with severe mental health problems a day were sanctioned. The report said: “We are disturbed that a benefit system intended to provide for the needy and vulnerable is used as a means of coercion and compliance.
“The penalties often do not appear reasonable or proportionate to the ‘failure’ that has occurred.
“If a similar system operated in a workplace, where pay was removed for a month for being late for a meeting or not achieving a target, we might reasonably expect action to be taken against the employer.”
Niall Cooper, of Church Action on Poverty, which helped write the report, added: “If you commit a crime, no court is allowed to make you go hungry as a punishment.
“But if you’re late for an appointment at the Jobcentre they can remove all your income and leave you unable to feed you or your family for weeks.”

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/nearly-100000-of-britains-poorest-children-go-hungry-after-parents-benefits-are-cut-10079056.html

If I don't turn up to work then I don't get paid.

If I don't do what is expected from me at work to justify the payments then I get sacked.



Handouts are still given to jsa claimants with children if sanctioned...

They may still get the payments, but they have to wait a bloody long time till they get them back.

That's what happens to a lot of Social payments.
They are stopped until they get round to sorting them out and this can take months.

In the mean time what are they supposed to live on?

Never knew this could happen until my Daughter lost all her payments except for Childs Allowance.

Single Mom with 3 kids supposed to live on 43 QUID A WEEK.

Because she has COPD she missed an appointment,

so, except for the 43 quid they took every other payment away, it's a good job i'm not hard up as I kept her and my Grandkids in food Elelectric and gas for over 8 momths. They sent her the "back pay" just AFTER xmas. Two thousand quid, that's how much they owed her. She wanted to give me £1000 back, but I settled for£200 to pay for damage to my car. It brought it home to me how poor people are treated, I NEVER REALISED.

I know Nicko, until it has happened to someone close to you, people go round thinking it's a load of lies, then when when you see, it makes you feel sick that you ever disbelieved it.   Thank goodness your daughter had you.

A sanction is only imposed for a two week period for the first time for missing an appointment etc... immediately entitled to claim hardship allowance for that time so people still get enough money for food and basic gas/elec etc... then benefits automatically carry on as normal after sanction period.

You are also allowed 2 instances a year of missing appointments or other courses etc because of illness... without having to prove any illness or show any doctors cert...

Tell that to David Clapson, the diabetic soldier who starved to death because of benefit cuts.

And are you calling Nicko a liar?

Death has become a part of Britain’s benefits system


More than 80 people a month are now dying after being declared ‘fit for work’. The safety net that used to be there for the most vulnerable is being torn to shreds

Go to your local benefits office and desperation can be boiled down to a six-point plan, mounted on pink laminated card. The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) has assembled written guidance on suicide for its “frontline staff” – a euphemism for workers hired to call people and break it to them that they’ve been rejected for benefits. One section of the guidance – that is to be reported to managers to alert them of “a suicidal intention” – instructs jobcentre staff to find out what the person plans, when it is planned for, and whether “the customer has the means to hand”.
I don’t know at what point social security and a risk of suicide became inevitable partners. Or when government “supporting people” – as the DWP described the guidance this week – began to mean, not helping people build their lives, but checking that they do not want to die.
Death has become a part of Britain’s benefits system. That is not hyperbole but the reality that the stress caused by austerity has led us to. Shredding the safety net – a mix of sanctions, defective “fit for work” tests, and outright cuts to multiple services – has meant that benefit claimants are dying; through suicide, starvation, and even being crushed by a refuse lorry when a 17-week benefit sanction forced a man to scavenge in a bin for food.

This morning, the government released mortality statistics – or rather, was forced to after several freedom of information requests – that show more than 80 people a month are dying after being declared “fit for work”. These are complex figures but early analysis points to two notable facts. First that 2,380 people died between December 2011 and February 2014 shortly after being judged “fit for work” and rejected for the sickness and disability benefit, Employment and Support Allowance (ESA). We also now know that 7,200 claimants died after being awarded ESA and being placed in the work-related activity group – by definition, people whom the government had judged were able to “prepare” to get back to work.
Notably how or why each of these people died was not recorded – meaning it’s impossible to say whether a death was linked to an incorrect assessment. But for the government, distortion is key and it is not restricted to faked benefit sanction leaflets. If we needed a sign of the DWP’s intentions, as it prepared to release today’s mortality statistics it was seemingly hedging its bets by finalising the details for a tribunal where it had planned to try to repress some of them.

More at:

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/aug/27/death-britains-benefits-system-fit-for-work-safety-net

Clapson died from not taking enough insulin...


If sanctioned then you are immediately able to claim hardship allowance until sanction period is up and then benefits return to normal.


The first sanction imposed can only be for two weeks, then next can be for four weeks and so on... maximum is 3 months...


All through this time people are able to claim hardship allowance which is about 60% of regular jsa amount...

Clapson died from starvation and from not having electricity to keep his insulin cool.  Read the official report.


So - ARE YOU CALLING NICKO A LIAR?

Clapson died from not taking his insulin...


I'm just telling you what I know from my own personal experience and knowledge of job centre procedures...


A sanction will only be a maximum of 3 months... and that is only imposed after numerous other sanctions for shorter periods have been imposed for other failures to comply with requirements... but throughout any sanction period people are immediately entitled to claim hardship allowance for basic food and living costs.

Tommy Monk wrote:Stop trying to shift the debate onto food banks... fact remains that both the unemployed and low earners with kids will already have been given more than enough handout money, with the primary reason being buying food!


There are no excuses!

It's the same issue. If people cant afford food they will endeavour to get it from places that supply....one of those places is food banks.
My son was made redundant several years ago, he lived alone and his unemployment benefits nowhere near covered his living/food expenses.
It's not only people with dependant children who can suddenly find themselves in need.

A single person gets about £75 a week in jsa or esa.

Plus they get housing benefit to cover rent costs.


£75 a week is not a lot but it is enough for all your basics.

Let's be honest here, the Sun and Daily Mail tell tommy that benefits claimants are living it up on huge handouts and are better off than many working people- and he swallows their lies because he gets off on being angry at everyone. You won't convince him otherwise, he even completely overlooked nicko's story because it challenged his unshakeable tabloid view.

The person in the OP was very thoughtful, I'd hope many would do the same.

A big amount of what my son received in benefits went on fares getting to interviews...he couldn't afford to run a car at that time.
He did get housing benefit, all the other household bills he paid himself living alone he had no one to share the cost.

I know from experience he would have really struggled to eat properly had he had no one to help out.

Eilzel wrote:Let's be honest here, the Sun and Daily Mail tell tommy that benefits claimants are living it up on huge handouts and are better off than many working people- and he swallows their lies because he gets off on being angry at everyone. You won't convince him otherwise, he even completely overlooked nicko's story because it challenged his unshakeable tabloid view.

The person in the OP was very thoughtful, I'd hope many would do the same.

I agree with you.
Some people wont budge their opinion even when others can tell them personal stories of what they have seen.
Quoting figures that they have read is not the same as experiencing real life unemployment or trying to manage on a low basic wage.

I don't read either the sun or mail...


And I have previously shown how some do very well out of tax credit benefits.


I am telling people the facts about how sanctions work and other benefits that can then be claimed while sanctioned.


The maximum period for any sanction is 3 months... and this is only allowed to be given out to people after numerous persist failures to comply with requirements and after numerous shorter term sanctions have already been handed out.

I have been on the rock and roll loads of times... I know the system better than many who work at the job centre!!!

Most at the job centre are dense robots to be fair

And if life on the dole is so cushy as you say, why did you ever go back into work?

Moreover tommy is THICK and didnt, clearly READ THE OP

quote "What you do know is I tried to buy my kids some food and that the EBT machine was down so I couldn't buy that food. I didn't have any cash or my debit card with me. I only had my SNAP card."

in otherwords she had the "state credit available on her "SNAP card" BUT THE MACHINE TO HANDLE IT WAS DOWN

she didnt have any other way of paying....

cretin.

I never said it was cushy les. .. just saying how the sanctions system works...

Problem TOMMY, it does NOT work, I never took any notice of people complaining that they had not received any money. Go on Google and type "PAYMENTS NOT RECEIVED FROM DWP" there are thousands of people not getting their money on time. My Daughter was told dozens of time "you'll get it next week" she never did, and I had to fork out. and that's the truth Tommy!!!

Nicko,... fact remains that the maximum period for a sanction for missing an appointment is only 3 months and not imposed for a first offence... benefits return to normal after sanction period is up and doing this period people are able to claim hardship allowance



"The new JSA regime changes how sanctions are applied with three different levels attracting different lengths of sanctions.  Lower level sanctions, including missing appointments at the job centre or workfare provider will see claimants left without money for four weeks in for the first offence and 13 weeks for the second. 

Intermediate level sanctions also attract four then 13 week sanctions, but it is not detailed what this is for, except that they follow a period of disallowance.

Higher level sanctions are for the supposedly worst offences such as being unable take part in Mandatory Work Activity, or failing to apply for a job. The first will be 13 weeks, then 6 months and finally 3 years. If someone gets a job for 6 months, then any remaining sanction will be written off."

Then Tommy you need to tell the Government that most DWP offices are not doing what they are told to do! It's all very well telling people what they should have but it doesn't work as it's supposed to.
Believe me tommy, until it happened to my Daughter I
had no idea what some claiments had to put up with.

Maybe something else was going on that your daughter wasn't telling you..?

I know someone who is always on the dole and always getting sanctions... never has he had one for more than 3 moths and he always gets hardship payments throughout sanction periods.

He always blames the job centre for his sections, saying how they have been out of order etc... but then you dig down into the story a little only to find that it was all his own fault for failing to comply with rules!!!

He gets appointments but then turns up a week late or doesn't bother turning up at courses etc!!!


But he always always first tries to blame the job centre!!!