LIONS CAN OPEN CAR DOORS NOW

There they were, sitting in the car, ooohing and aaaahing and taking photos, when one lion walked up to the door and opened it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/lions-can-open-doors-now--lyMu0HsUae

so they broke one of the rules of such places...and didnt lock the doors??????

lion should have eaten em all....


"And hungrily began to eat
The Boy: beginning at his feet.
Now, just imagine how it feels
When first your toes and then your heels,
And then by gradual degrees,
Your shins and ankles, calves and knees,
Are slowly eaten, bit by bit.
No wonder Jim detested it!"

Hillare Belloc

Albert and the Lion, Stanley Holloway, absolutely loved it as a kid.

Blimey!

HOLY crap!!!!!

They were my words exactly!

in full...cos its the first poem I ever learned (at seven years old)
AND the poem the kept me sleeping with my toes curled up and my knees drawn up for many years afterwards...

Jim

Who ran away from his Nurse and was eaten by a Lion

There was a Boy whose name was Jim;
His Friends were very good to him.
They gave him Tea, and Cakes, and Jam,
And slices of delicious Ham,
And Chocolate with pink inside
And little Tricycles to ride,
And read him Stories through and through,
And even took him to the Zoo--
But there it was the dreadful Fate
Befell him, which I now relate.

You know--or at least you ought to know,
For I have often told you so--
That Children never are allowed
To leave their Nurses in a Crowd;
Now this was Jim's especial Foible,
He ran away when he was able,
And on this inauspicious day
He slipped his hand and ran away!

He hadn't gone a yard when--Bang!
With open Jaws, a lion sprang,
And hungrily began to eat
The Boy: beginning at his feet.
Now, just imagine how it feels
When first your toes and then your heels,
And then by gradual degrees,
Your shins and ankles, calves and knees,
Are slowly eaten, bit by bit.
No wonder Jim detested it!
No wonder that he shouted ``Hi!''

The Honest Keeper heard his cry,
Though very fat he almost ran
To help the little gentleman.
``Ponto!'' he ordered as he came
(For Ponto was the Lion's name),
``Ponto!'' he cried, with angry Frown,
``Let go, Sir! Down, Sir! Put it down!''
The Lion made a sudden stop,
He let the Dainty Morsel drop,
And slunk reluctant to his Cage,
Snarling with Disappointed Rage.
But when he bent him over Jim,
The Honest Keeper's Eyes were dim.
The Lion having reached his Head,
The Miserable Boy was dead!

When Nurse informed his Parents, they
Were more Concerned than I can say:--
His Mother, as She dried her eyes,
Said, ``Well--it gives me no surprise,
He would not do as he was told!''
His Father, who was self-controlled,
Bade all the children round attend
To James's miserable end,
And always keep a-hold of Nurse
For fear of finding something worse.


Hilaire Belloc

I love that!!!
Sort of poetry I like; classy, rhymes properly and is fun.

My grandad used to tell me poems like that, and I'd curl up in the corner of a big armchair frightened to death, but when he stopped, I always said, again grandad, again!

if you read that to 7 year olds today you would get done for psychological abuse......

Albert And The Lion

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
That's noted for fresh air and fun
And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.
A fine little lad were young Albert,
All dressed in his best, quite a swell.
He'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle;
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.
They didn't think much to the ocean,
The waves they were piddlin' and small.
There were no wrecks and nobody drownded,
'Fact, nothin' to laugh at at all!
So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid, and went into the zoo,
Where they'd lions and tigers and camels
And cold ale and sandwiches, too.
There were one great big lion called Wallace
Whose nose was all covered with scars;
He lay in a som-no-lent posture
With the side of 'is face on the bars.
Now Albert 'ad 'eard about lions-
'Ow they was ferocious and wild;
To see lion lyin' so peaceful
Just didn't seem right to the child.
So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showin' a morsel of fear,
Took 'is stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle
And stuck it in Wallace's ear.
You could see that the lion din't like it,
For givin' a kind of a roll,
'E pulled Albert inside the cage with 'I'm
And swallered the little lad - 'ole!
Now Pa, 'oo 'ad seen this occurrence,
And not knowin' what to do next,
Said, "Mother, yon lion's et Albert!"
An' Mother said "Ee, I am vexed."
They complained to the animal keeper
Who said "My, wot a nasty mis'ap;
Are you sure it's your boy 'e's eaten?"
Pa said, "Am I sure? There's 'is cap!"
The manager 'ad to be sent for;
'E came and 'e said "Wot's to-do?"
Ma said "Yon lion's et Albert,
And 'I'm in 'is Sunday clothes, too!"
Father said "Right's right, young feller-
I think it's a shame and a sin
To 'ave our son et by a lion
And after we paid to come in."
The manager wanted no trouble;
He took out his purse right away,
Sayin' "'Ow much to settle the matter?"
Pa said "Wot do you usually pay?"
But Mother 'ad turned a bit awkward
When she saw where 'er Albert 'ad gone.
She said "No, someone's got to be summonsed!"
So that was decided upon.
And off they all went to p'lice station
In front of a Magistrate chap;
They told what 'ad 'appened to Albert
And proved it by showing 'is cap.
The Magistrate gave 'is opinion
That no one was really to blame,
And 'e said that 'e 'oped the Ramsbottoms
Would 'ave further sons to their name.
At that Mother got proper blazin':
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she-
"Wot, spend all our lives raisin' children
To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"

'Three Ha'pence a Foot'.

I'll tell you an old-fashioned story That Grandfather used to relate,
Of a Joiner and building contractor; 'Is name, it were Sam Oglethwaite.

In a shop on the banks of the Irwell, Old Sam used to follow 'is trade,
In a place you'll have 'eard of, called Bury ; You know, where black puddings is made.

One day, Sam were filling a knot 'ole Wi' putty, when in thro' the door
Came an old feller fair wreathed i ' whiskers; T'ould chap said "Good morning, I'm Noah."

Sam asked Noah what was 'is business, And t'ould chap went on to remark,
That not liking the look of the weather, 'E were thinking of building an Ark.

'E'd gotten the wood for the bulwarks, And all t'other shipbuilding junk,
And wanted some nice Bird's Eye Maple To panel the side of 'is bunk.

Now Maple were Sam's Mon-o-po-ly ; That means it were all 'is to cut,
And nobody else 'adn't got none ; So 'e asked Noah three ha'pence a foot.

" A ha'penny too much," replied Noah. " Penny a foot's more the mark ;
A penny a foot, and when rain comes, I'll give you a ride in me Ark."

But neither would budge in the bargain ; The whole daft thing were kind of a jam,
So Sam put 'is tongue out at Noah, And Noah made " Long Bacon '' at Sam.

In wrath and ill-feeling they parted, Not knowing when they'd meet again,
And Sam had forgot all about it, 'Til one day it started to rain.

It rained and it rained for a fortni't, And flooded the 'ole countryside.
It rained and it kep' on raining, 'Til the Irwell were fifty miles wide.

The 'ouses were soon under water, And folks to the roof 'ad to climb.
They said 'twas the rottenest summer That Bury 'ad 'ad for some time.

The rain showed no sign of abating, And water rose hour by hour,
'Til the only dry land were at Blackpool. And that were on top of the Tower.

So Sam started swimming to Blackpool; It took 'im best part of a week.
'Is clothes were wet through when 'e got there, And 'is boots were beginning to leak.

'E stood to 'is watch-chain in water, On Tower top, just before dark,
When who should come sailing towards 'im But old Noah, steering 'is Ark.

Noah said "Nay ; I'll make thee an offer, The same as I did t'other day.
A penny a foot and a free ride. Now, come on, lad, what does tha say ? "

" Three ha'pence a foot," came the answer. So Noah 'is sail 'ad to hoist,
And sailed off again in a dudgeon, While Sam stood determined, but moist.

Noah cruised around, flying 'is pigeons, 'Til fortieth day of the wet,
And on 'is way back, passing Blackpool, 'E saw old Sam standing there yet.

'Is chin just stuck out of the water ; A comical figure 'e cut.
Noah said : " Now what's the price of yer Maple ? " Sam answered :" Three ha'pence a foot."

Said Noah : " Ye'd best take my offer ; It's last time I'll be hereabout ;
And if water comes half an inch higher, I'll happen get Maple for nought."

They stared at each other in silence, 'Til Ark were alongside, all but,
Then Noah said: " What price yer Maple ? " Sam answered : " Three ha'pence a foot."

" Three ha'pence a foot it'll cost yer, And as fer me," Sam said, " don't fret.
The sky's took a turn since this morning; I think it'll brighten up yet."


Stanley Holloway monologue, just loved him.

ha we did Albert in a drama club Variety Music Hall Presentation in Cyprus. i was the narrater so I had to learn the whole damn thing....even now bits of it just pop into my brain for no reason at all.

I know exactly what you mean. My grandad was the spit of Stanley Holloway and even used to do his 'soft shoe shuffle'.

Did you know there was a sequel - The Return of Albert

The Return of Albert

You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom,
In the Zoo up at Blackpool one year,
With a stick and 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
Gave a lion a poke in the ear.

The name of the lion was Wallace,
The poke in the ear made 'im wild;
And before you could say 'Bob's your Uncle,'
'E'd up and 'e'd swallered the child.

'E were sorry the moment 'e'd done it,
With children 'e'd always been chums,
And besides, 'e'd no teeth in 'is noodle,
And 'e couldn't chew Albert on t'gums.

'E could feel the lad moving inside 'im,
As 'e lay on 'is bed of dried ferns,
And it might 'ave been little lad's birthday,
'E wished 'im such 'appy returns.

But Albert kept kicking and fighting,
Till Wallace arose feeling bad,
And felt it were time that 'e started to stage
A come-back for the lad.

So with 'is 'ead down in a corner,
On 'is front paws 'e started to walk,
And 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled,
Till Albert shot out like a cork.

Old Wallace felt better direc'ly,
And 'is figure once more became lean,
But the only difference with Albert
Was 'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean.

Meanwhile Mister and Missus Ramsbottom
'Ad gone 'ome to tea feeling blue;
Ma says 'I feel down in the mouth like,'
Pa says "Aye! I bet Albert does too.'

Said Ma 'It just goes for to show yer
That the future is never revealed,
If I thought we was going to lose 'im
I'd 'ave not 'ad 'is boots soled and 'eeled.

'Let's look on the bright side,' said Father
'What can't be 'elped must be endured,
Every cloud 'as a silvery lining,
And we did 'ave young Albert insured.'

A knock at the door came that moment,
As Father these kind words did speak,
'Twas the man from t'Prudential,
E'd called for their 'tuppence per person per week.'

When Father saw who 'ad been knocking,
'E laughed and 'e kept laughing so,
That the young man said 'What's there to laugh at?'
Pa said 'You'll laugh an' all when you know.'

'Excuse 'im for laughing,' said Mother,
'But really things 'appen so strange,
Our Albert's been ate by a lion,
You've got to pay us for a change.'

Said the young feller from the Prudential,
'Now, come come, let's understand this,
You don't mean to say that you've lost 'im?'
Ma says 'Oh, no! we know where 'e is.'

When the young man 'ad 'eard all the details,
A bag from 'is pocket he drew,
And he paid them with interest and bonus,
The sum of nine pounds four and two.

Pa 'ad scarce got 'is 'and on the money,
When a face at the window they see,
And Mother says 'Eeh! look, it's Albert,'
And Father says 'Aye, it would be.'

Young Albert came in all excited,
and started 'is story to give,
And Pa says 'I'll never trust lions again,
Not as long as I live.'

The young feller from the Prudential
To pick up his money began,
And Father says 'Eeh! just a moment,
Don't be in a hurry, young man.'

Then giving young Albert a shilling,
He said 'Pop off back to the Zoo.
'Ere's your stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
Go and see what the Tigers can do!'

risingsun wrote:My grandad used to tell me poems like that, and I'd curl up in the corner of a big armchair frightened to death, but when he stopped, I always said, again grandad, again!

Grandads are the best :-)

Was my Mum's Dad, he was my hero.

My Dad's dad was a bastard. So was his Mum! They came to look after my brother and I when my Mum was in hospital with TB for 2 years, Dad was working every hour for the RAF so he could visit her at weekends, and they used to abuse us. My brother is 6 years younger than me, he was only 2 and I had to stop him getting in our bedroom by moving the beds every night.

risingsun wrote:Was my Mum's Dad, he was my hero.

My Dad's dad was a bastard.  So was his Mum!  They came to look after my brother and I when my Mum was in hospital with TB for 2 years, Dad was working every hour for the RAF so he could visit her at weekends, and they used to abuse us.  My brother is 6 years younger than me, he was only 2 and I had to stop him getting in our bedroom by moving the beds every night.

Let's hope they're both rotting in hell then, if you don't mind my saying so.

Don't mind in the least, thanks, it broke my lovely Nan and Grandad's hearts that they couldn't give up their council flat and jobs to come and look after us.  They were vile people.

One thing it taught me was always to stand up for myself and others, probably why I get so angry about injustice today.

risingsun wrote:Don't mind in the least, thanks, it broke my lovely Nan and Grandad's hearts that they couldn't give up their council flat and jobs to come and look after us.  They were vile people.

One thing it taught me was always to stand up for myself.

Not nice to have such shit at a young age. Sorry to hear that, truly.  
Some people are just not fit to be around other people.


And I can see you know how to stand up for yourself sassy, it may not always win you friends or admirers, but it doesn't make you wrong.

Thanks, they were disgusting. I had really long hair that my mum was so proud of, the day after she went into hospital, when I didn't know what was going on, they cut it all off like a boys with the kitchen scissors.

Any way, lets not go there anymore, we were on funny poems, much nicer.

I'm so sorry x

risingsun wrote:

One thing it taught me was always to stand up for myself and others, probably why I get so angry about injustice today.

Understandable. I think a lot of us have a bit of that in us.

risingsun wrote:Thanks, they were disgusting.  I had really long hair that my mum was so proud of, the day after she went into hospital, when I didn't know what was going on, they cut it all off like a boys with the kitchen scissors.

Any way, lets not go there anymore, we were on funny poems, much nicer.

Hair grows back as I'm sure you were wise enough to teach yourself.
Yes, don't give them any more of your valueable space.
Poem world is much nicer :-)

Thanks Cass, it was a long time ago now thank goodness, but we can't live our lives in the past. Thank you though x

eddie wrote:

risingsun wrote:

One thing it taught me was always to stand up for myself and others, probably why I get so angry about injustice today.

Understandable. I think a lot of us have a bit of that in us.

Very true.

lions and tigers and bears oh my......and otters.....go see captainjanes thread and watch....you will smile x

One from me befroe I go tobed:

Why nobody pets lions at the zoo
By John Ciardi

The morning that the world began
The Lion growled a growl at Man.

And I suspect the Lion might
(If he’d been closer) have tried a bite.

I think that’s as it ought to be
And not as it was taught to me.

I think the Lion has a right
To growl a growl and bite a bite.

And if the Lion bothered Adam,
He should have growled right back at ’im.

The way to treat a Lion right
Is growl for growl and bite for bite.

True, the Lion is better fit
For biting than for being bit.

But if you look him in the eye
You’ll find the Lion’s rather shy.

He really wants someone to pet him.
The trouble is: his teeth won’t let him.

He has a heart of gold beneath
But the Lion just can’t trust his teeth.

Oh I do like that!

Will have a look Cass.

The other lion has the car keys...they ain't safe yet.

WATCHING Lions, Baboons and then Rhino's in a British wildlife park taking turns attempting the demolition of three cars on an Aussie franchised Top Gear episode some four years ago, they don't need to open no doors..




GIVE THEM a few more years and they won't need the car keys either ~ by then they'll have recruited a gang of Chimpanzees to hot-wiring anything on two or four wheels for them !      

Today opening doors, tomorrow programming computers ... I for one welcome our new lion overlords

Ben_Reilly wrote:Today opening doors, tomorrow programming computers ... I for one welcome our new lion overlords

You'll be a mere pussycat in comparison