England Ends Commonwealth to look good to New EU friends

Many Australians dream of going to England, to work in a good-old fashioned British pub while living with 13 other people from their hometown in the hallway of a flat in Shepherd’s Bush, but for some that dream is being cut short.

Despite Australia’s close historic ties to the UK, Aussies are not being spared the brunt of England’s tightening immigration laws and are being sent home, despite having businesses, jobs or whatever else people do between eating eels, drinking, and losing at cricket.

It’s as if we didn’t get the hint the first time.

Some politicians, like conservative, Andrew Rossindel, said that us humble Antipodeans should be granted special privileges when arriving and feels it is “shameful that subjects of Her Majesty arriving at Heathrow airport are treated as if they were from any other country in the world”.

Thousands of Australians have either been forced to leave or altogether prevented from entering the UK in recent months. The change is due in a large part to Britain’s now far closer ties to the EU. Australia’s former status as a friend with benefits has been relegated in favour of Britain’s attractive European neighbours, leaving Aussies to send increasingly desperate text messages at three O’Clock in the morning before eventually giving up and restarting their Tinder profiles.

The situation is thus, David Cameron is being forced to stem immigration in a big way, and Australians, like everyone else, are being asked to leave, or told not to come in the first place.

Don’t give up though, as according to baldy First Secretary, William Hague, it is still “not at all difficult for Australians to enter the UK”. Just don’t plan on sticking around.