Father experiences PTSD after witnessing birth of daughter.

Hopefully in the next life he will be the mother giving birth.


"After the distressing birth of his daughter, Elliott Rae struggled with post traumatic stress disorder, but went without help for over a year. He's now urging dads to talk about their problems - and to avoid the agony he went through.

Elliott Rae sat on a hot and crowded London Underground Tube and cried without knowing why.

"I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness," he says, remembering that sticky summer's evening five years ago.

Nothing in particular had happened that day to provoke such an outpouring of emotion. He'd got up with his nine-month-old daughter as usual and had breakfast with his wife, Soneni. Then he'd set off for work in Westminster, where he worked at the Department for Transport.

To friends, family and colleagues it looked like Elliott was doing OK. He'd say, "I'm just tired, I'm a new parent," and that would be enough.

But in reality everyday life had become a struggle, and the root cause was his daughter's traumatic arrival into the world.

Elliott was plagued by flashbacks of her birth and the frightening weeks that followed. It kept him up at night and could choke even the easiest of chitchat with colleagues.

"I didn't feel like myself at all and I couldn't muster the energy to care about anything," he says.

When he eventually got help, Elliott was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and has published a book, Dad, in which he opens up about his experiences of fatherhood, together with 19 other dads."




https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-57442294

My ex brother in law collapsed at the birth of his daughter. It bothered him so badly that he didn't want any other kids.

That being said, he wasn't any different once he brought his daughter home, besides having the same anxiety he had before she was born.

What made him collapse?

The birth was a bit traumatic, but nothing out of the norm really, my own sons birth was worse, he was rushed off to intensive care, then that evening my  OH was shown a different baby to the one I had given birth to. Slightly confusing but it didn't leave him with PTSD.


It does seem to me that some people nowadays crack up at the slightest trauma, God knows how they would have coped if they had to fight for their country.

Maddog wrote:My ex brother in law collapsed at the birth of his daughter. It bothered him so badly that he didn't want any other kids.

That being said, he wasn't any different once he brought his daughter home, besides having the same anxiety he had before she was born.

Oh dear, some men are just wimps when it comes to childbirth, though it sounds like your brother in law already did suffer from anxiety.

I suppose it's a myth that men should support their wives whilst she is going through childbirth, personally, I was glad when my OH decided it was best if he stayed outside, less for me to worry about.

eddie wrote:What made him collapse?

He has anxiety. When he got married he only had about 4 people there.  He couldn't stand the idea of standing in front of people. He has panic attacks that he can handle now with the right meds.

You should see him during tornado warnings. He's like a chicken with his head cut off.

Maddog wrote:

eddie wrote:What made him collapse?

He has anxiety. When he got married he only had about 4 people there.  He couldn't stand the idea of standing in front of people. He has panic attacks that he can handle now with the right meds.

You should see him during tornado warnings. He's like a chicken with his head cut off.

his anxiety problems aren't funny but FFS!

gelico wrote:

Maddog wrote:

He has anxiety. When he got married he only had about 4 people there.  He couldn't stand the idea of standing in front of people. He has panic attacks that he can handle now with the right meds.

You should see him during tornado warnings. He's like a chicken with his head cut off.

his anxiety problems aren't funny  but FFS!

After my divorce my ex and kids lived with him for awhile. He tried to get my daughter to get in the closet with him and his daughter during one storm. She was calmly looking to the west, listening, just like her dad taught her while her uncle was screaming at her. She finally had to tell him to get in the damn closet and leave her alone.

His antics are legendary when he starts freaking out.

Unfortunately, he passed that on to his daughter. And to be fair, he got it from his father.

Hysterical behaviour like that should be dealt with.
It's one thing freaking yourself out but you should never try to freak the kids out.

Syl wrote:Hysterical behaviour like that should be dealt with.
It's one thing freaking yourself out but you should never try to freak the kids out.

Yup, I come from the old school. I always told my kids and acted like, I had everything under control, even if I wasn't 100 percent I sure I did.

I have minor fear of heights, but my kids never saw it. If they wanted to ride the ferris wheel, dad stepped up even if I wasn't really thrilled about the idea.

Maddog wrote:

gelico wrote:



his anxiety problems aren't funny  but FFS!

After my divorce my ex and kids lived with him for awhile. He tried to get my daughter to get in the closet with him and his daughter during one storm. She was calmly looking to the west, listening, just like her dad taught her while her uncle was screaming at her. She finally had to tell him to get in the damn closet and leave her alone.

His antics are legendary when he starts freaking out.

Unfortunately, he passed that on to his daughter. And to be fair, he got it from his father.  

hahahahaha

i like your daughter's response

Maddog wrote:

Syl wrote:Hysterical behaviour like that should be dealt with.
It's one thing freaking yourself out but you should never try to freak the kids out.

Yup, I come from the old school.  I always told my kids and acted like, I had everything under control, even if I wasn't 100 percent I sure I did.

I have minor fear of heights, but my kids never saw it.  If they wanted to ride the ferris wheel, dad stepped up even if I wasn't really thrilled about the idea.  

that's how i became able to cope with spiders tbh

i've always hated them but beanie is petrified so when she was just a toddler and screamed if she saw one i had to come along with the words ''it's ok darling, it won't hurt you, they're actually friendly and totally harmless'' while she's stood there frozen with horror. actually saying those words out loud helped me to take control and catch hold of the thing and throw it out

i dont know how beanie would cope if she ever had to teach her kid (she doesn't have any) not to be afraid of spiders

it could be fun to watch that one being played out

gelico wrote:

Maddog wrote:

Yup, I come from the old school.  I always told my kids and acted like, I had everything under control, even if I wasn't 100 percent I sure I did.

I have minor fear of heights, but my kids never saw it.  If they wanted to ride the ferris wheel, dad stepped up even if I wasn't really thrilled about the idea.  

that's how i became able to cope with spiders tbh

i've always hated them but beanie is petrified so when she was just a toddler and screamed if she saw one i had to come along with the words ''it's ok darling, it won't hurt you, they're actually friendly and totally harmless''  while she's stood there frozen with horror.  actually saying those words out loud helped me to take control and catch hold of the thing and throw it out

i dont know how beanie would cope if she ever had to teach her kid (she doesn't have any) not to be afraid of spiders

it could be fun to watch that one being played out

So you overcame your fear because you didn't want to scare your daughter....which is the right thing to do and very brave.
But....Beanie is still scared stiff of them

I am petrified of the bloody things, it's irrational, I know that, but the older I get the worse the fear is, they make me feel physically sick, and I would rather leave the room than confront one.
My mum, like you, used to gently put them out of the house when I was a kid.

I’m afraid I passed on my fear or spiders and flies to my children...but! I didn’t make them fearful of change, of taking chances or speaking out when everyone else stays silent, because I was never afraid of those things myself.
And that’s good parenting

Remember, courage isn't not being afraid, it's facing your fears! I don't think it's a bad thing to project confidence in front of your kids even if you're not sure -- but better yet, maybe find a way to convey, when they're old enough to understand, that you're not sure how you're going to solve a problem, but you're sure you will solve it.

Confidence isn't knowing how to handle everything life throws your way, it's believing that even if something stumps you for a while, you have the ability to get through it, one way or another.

All that aside, I once worked with a guy in Texas who turned out to be freaked out by thunderstorms -- not a great way to be in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Once we were working late and a bad storm blew through, and there was a clap of thunder that sounded like a bomb went off next door.

I found myself shouting, "Whoa!" and hoping I wasn't overreacting, until I looked over and caught him commando-rolling from his chair onto the floor.

Ben Reilly wrote:Remember, courage isn't not being afraid, it's facing your fears! I don't think it's a bad thing to project confidence in front of your kids even if you're not sure -- but better yet, maybe find a way to convey, when they're old enough to understand, that you're not sure how you're going to solve a problem, but you're sure you will solve it.

Confidence isn't knowing how to handle everything life throws your way, it's believing that even if something stumps you for a while, you have the ability to get through it, one way or another.

All that aside, I once worked with a guy in Texas who turned out to be freaked out by thunderstorms -- not a great way to be in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Once we were working late and a bad storm blew through, and there was a clap of thunder that sounded like a bomb went off next door.

I found myself shouting, "Whoa!" and hoping I wasn't overreacting, until I looked over and caught him commando-rolling from his chair onto the floor.

That sounds like my ex brother in law. Expect when hebwasnt hiding in the closet he would jump in his truck and drive away from the storm, which is exactly the wrong thing to do.

Ben said

Confidence isn't knowing how to handle everything life throws your way, it's believing that even if something stumps you for a while, you have the ability to get through it, one way or another.

That’s exactly right and what we need to be teaching our children. As adults we need to teach them that they can handle anything life throws at them, and that starts with teaching them ultimate independence.

eddie wrote:Ben said

Confidence isn't knowing how to handle everything life throws your way, it's believing that even if something stumps you for a while, you have the ability to get through it, one way or another.

That’s exactly right and what we need to be teaching our children. As adults we need to teach them that they can handle anything life throws at them, and that starts with teaching them ultimate independence.

Yes, coping mechanisms.