Has the lockdown strengthened family relationships or weakened them?

A rise in domestic and child abuse has been reported since the lockdown began. Also divorce rates are set to soar when it finishes, but how has the lockdown affected your relationship with partner and other family members?

There are just the two of us here in lockdown , and we have been socially isolating, which has made life very different for us both..
We do bicker normally, and this hasn't stopped, but I think we both realised if we bickered none stop for weeks that would get pretty tiresome, even dangerous ...so we have adjusted our bicker level accordingly.
We have a spare bed room to escape to if we wish, luckily the weather has been good so there is the garden, and the garage/work room, or as I prefer to call it the death trap, for him to escape to, but on the whole, and probably because we both have a sense of humour and actually enjoy each others company most of the time......it's worked......so far.

I suppose that whatever existed before the lockdown, it's more of the same after the lockdown.

I doubt a good spouse will turn into a wife beater or a caring parent a child abuser, but I can see people who normally rub along OK with each other each leading their own lives with their own friends, may have a shock when they discover who they are actually married to.

Could be. Home is an ecosystem. So it work. And the pub is another ecosystem...etc. But a person with anger in their emotional toolbox--eg, American southerners--is going to be the same emotional personality in all those situations.

Original Quill wrote:Could be.  Home is an ecosystem.  So it work.  And the pub is another ecosystem...etc.  But a person with anger in their emotional toolbox--eg, American southerners--is going to be the same emotional personality in all those situations.

I dont think marital/family strife due to the lockdown will be confined to American southerners Quill, I imagine people from all areas in all countries  will be affected.

Syl wrote:

Original Quill wrote:Could be.  Home is an ecosystem.  So it work.  And the pub is another ecosystem...etc.  But a person with anger in their emotional toolbox--eg, American southerners--is going to be the same emotional personality in all those situations.

I dont think marital/family strife due to the lockdown will be confined to American southerners Quill, I imagine people from all areas in all countries  will be affected.

No, It's confined to American southerns.

Don't argue with Dr Quill, Medicine Woman.

You two are like a pair of squabbling kids.

Syl wrote:You two are like a pair of squabbling kids.

Well, I'm a southerner. It's what I do when I'm not beating kids and kicking the dog.

Syl wrote:

Original Quill wrote:Could be.  Home is an ecosystem.  So it work.  And the pub is another ecosystem...etc.  But a person with anger in their emotional toolbox--eg, American southerners--is going to be the same emotional personality in all those situations.

I dont think marital/family strife due to the lockdown will be confined to American southerners Quill, I imagine people from all areas in all countries  will be affected.

Yes, southerners are but an example. The point is, I don't think there is anything of a violent nature that is "due" to the lockdown. It is but a passing situation.

It all has to do with deeper concerns, like how you were raised and how your ideology tells you to behave.

Maddog wrote:

Syl wrote:You two are like a pair of squabbling kids.

Well, I'm a southerner. It's what I do when I'm not beating kids and kicking the dog.  

I suspect you are beating the grandkids, and teaching them to carry the Nazi flag.

Guess who.

Original Quill wrote:

Syl wrote:

I dont think marital/family strife due to the lockdown will be confined to American southerners Quill, I imagine people from all areas in all countries  will be affected.

Yes, southerners are but an example.  The point is, I don't think there is anything of a violent nature that is "due" to the lockdown.  It is but a passing situation.

It all has to do with deeper concerns, like how you were raised and how your ideology tells you to behave.

Yes I agree, but the stress of not being able to work, earn, having to home school kids, being cooped up, must cause lots of tension in some.
The phone lines of help groups like the Samaritans and Childline have never been busier.

Syl wrote:Guess who.

Oscar and Felix really liked each other.

Which one beat their unborn grandkids?

Syl wrote:

Original Quill wrote:

Yes, southerners are but an example.  The point is, I don't think there is anything of a violent nature that is "due" to the lockdown.  It is but a passing situation.

It all has to do with deeper concerns, like how you were raised and how your ideology tells you to behave.

Yes I agree, but the stress of not being able to work, earn, having to home school kids, being cooped up, must cause lots of tension in some.
The phone lines of help groups like the Samaritans and Childline have never been busier.

I suppose it does. You hear a lot of talk on news shows about how it is a stressor. Frankly, I find it relaxing. Courts are closed, and the rest of a lawyer's job requires only a desk. It's in the head, mostly. Most important, it can be done at home.

My home is surrounded by tall redwoods, and it is backed by a national park. It's near the coast, with morning fog. I can go for walks, just sit in the yard, or read/write, whatever. So, it's kind of a holiday.

All in all, this house is ticking along pretty nicely.

A normal day includes my 18 year old son coming out of his room after studying, at regular intervals, to tease his little sister.

Example:

Son: “You’re just a baby. Mum has to tell you to get dressed! Ha ha,”

Daughter: “Shut up you idiot!”

Son: “Oh great reply you baby, you’re just a baby!”

Daughter: “So! At least I don’t have a big nose!”

Son: “No, you’ve got a baby nose because you’re a baby”

Daughter: “Shut up Kai!”

And so on. For the entire day. Then they’ll go walk the neighbour’s dog in the evening and I always pray they’ll get lost in the woods for a few hours.

Another example would be both my son and I staring out of the window intermittently, waiting for a parcel and getting extremely jealous if the parcel is for the other one. You could say it was a daily parcel-war.
We have both threatened to open each other’s parcels out of pure boredom.

Another example:

Ben: “Did you know fruit bats are blah blah blah?”

Me: “I just fucking woke up and I urgently need some tea. Are the fruit bats bringing it? If not, I don’t care about bats or fruit dude”

So yeah, it’s all good here.

Me and my stepdaughter love to hang out together near Eddie and Kai and just laugh at their banter. The two of them don't even realize they're doing it, but to me and her, it's high comedy, fam.

We'll catch one another's eye, laugh, repeat back something one of them said, etc. The other two are completely oblivious, wrapped up in their little word battle.

At the risk of offending anybody who still has to work, the lockdown has been a godsend for us, because otherwise, we'd have missed out on literally hundreds of hours we've gained of each other's company.

P.S.: I've never talked about fruit bats, ever ... but I will now

P.P.S.: Eddie's grumpy in the morning! She'll be the first to admit it.

My family is great. We use Zoom to talk about Nazi memorabilia. The lock down has been a godsend.

eddie wrote:All in all, this house is ticking along pretty nicely.

A normal day includes my 18 year old son coming out of his room after studying, at regular intervals, to tease his little sister.

Example:

Son: “You’re just a baby. Mum has to tell you to get dressed! Ha ha,”

Daughter: “Shut up you idiot!”

Son: “Oh great reply you baby, you’re just a baby!”

Daughter: “So! At least I don’t have a big nose!”

Son: “No, you’ve got a baby nose because you’re a baby”

Daughter: “Shut up Kai!”

And so on. For the entire day. Then they’ll go walk the neighbour’s dog in the evening and I always pray they’ll get lost in the woods for a few hours.

Another example would be both my son and I staring out of the window intermittently, waiting for a parcel and getting extremely jealous if the parcel is for the other one. You could say it was a daily parcel-war.
We have both threatened to open each other’s parcels out of pure boredom.

Another example:

Ben: “Did you know fruit bats are blah blah blah?”

Me: “I just fucking woke up and I urgently need some tea. Are the fruit bats bringing it? If not, I don’t care about bats or fruit dude”

So yeah, it’s all good here.

Lol, there is nothing like family banter.

Original Quill wrote:

Syl wrote:

Yes I agree, but the stress of not being able to work, earn, having to home school kids, being cooped up, must cause lots of tension in some.
The phone lines of help groups like the Samaritans and Childline have never been busier.

I suppose it does.  You hear a lot of talk on news shows about how it is a stressor.  Frankly, I find it relaxing.  Courts are closed, and the rest of a lawyer's job requires only a desk.  It's in the head, mostly.  Most important, it can be done at home.

My home is surrounded by tall redwoods, and it is backed by a national park.  It's near the coast, with morning fog.  I can go for walks, just sit in the yard, or read/write, whatever.  So, it's kind of a holiday.

It sounds quite lovely where you are Quill, I wish i was near the coast....I miss Wales where we spent a lot of time every summer, a lot.

I think being cooped up must be a nightmare for people who have no garden or outside space,  being able to spend time outdoors, especially when the weather is so good, makes everything seem better.

Got the garden sorted today. Felt really good afterwards.

We are good. We both bitch or are incredibly sarcastic at each other when we are tired or stressed but it’s all good. We’ve been that way since 1988. I think it helps that we have not been together 24/7 and that we have both been working. Thank goodness for technology in that we can video chat with the juniors each week.

One of my volunteers has told me she is divorcing her husband. Being together more just exacerbated their issues. It would have happened eventually though.

Marriage is a partnership. If you've got nothing to partner over, it's probably best to walk off.

Cass wrote:We are good. We both bitch or are incredibly sarcastic at each other when we are tired or stressed but it’s all good. We’ve been that way since 1988. I think it helps that we have not been together 24/7 and that we have both been working. Thank goodness for technology in that we can video chat with the juniors each week.

One of my volunteers has told me she is divorcing her husband. Being together more just exacerbated their issues. It would have happened eventually though.

You sound a bit like us Cass....we bicker, are sarky with each other, tease one another....luckily I am good at ignoring and he is going a bit deaf, so it works.
Shame about your colleague, but I suppose being together far more can make minor irritations unbearable if you dont deep down like/love one another anymore..
A bit like when kids leave home and parents suddenly realise they have nothing left to stay together for....it's sad.

Original Quill wrote:Marriage is a partnership.  If you've got nothing to partner over, it's probably best to walk off.

Yep. I agree.
I worked with a lady once who had so many minor health problems....after she divorced her health improved 100%.
It's not worth losing physical and mental health being with someone you have no wish to be with.

Since I last contributed to this thread I have changed my mind.
My OH is in danger of not getting out of this lockdown saga alive....and it wont be the coronavirus that kills him.

Oh my...seems a bit of friction in the household.