If your partner became...

In a vegetative state or badly brain damaged and did not have their wits about them,would you stay we arrived to them as if nothing had happened?, I'm not sure if one could fully do that , but certainly the caring aspect.

I've always thought folk who do leave a partner who falls victim like this is a callous person, but on the other hand I understand why.

It must be so much hard work physically and mentally to care for someone in a state like that,  I know it's not happened to me, but I believe in staying with that person through whatever, especially where there are kids involved.

That must be a terrible predicament to be in...a partner , who only the day before was normal and had their wits about them, then next day terrible head injuries form am accident...

..I can't even imagine.

..I should stress that I mean like irreversible brain damage.

for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, you stay with them until the end  

heavenly father wrote:for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, you stay with them until the end  

That's exactly my feelings too Favva, but probably much easier said than done in RL for some?

Joy Division wrote:

heavenly father wrote:for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, you stay with them until the end  

That's exactly my feelings too Favva, but probably much easier said than done in RL for some?

it would be hard work and even heartbreaking especially if they didn't even recognise you but if you love them it's the least you could do.

heavenly father wrote:

Joy Division wrote:

That's exactly my feelings too Favva, but probably much easier said than done in RL for some?

it would be hard work and even heartbreaking especially if they didn't even recognise you but if you love them it's the least you could do.

...nice one Favva, I know in my heart I could never abandon my wife if that ever happened...I just know, as you say...in sickened and in health,,,,that is the bow we have taken and is meant now as much as it was when we took those vows.

But I've seen on telly folk abandoning their OH

Joy Division wrote:

heavenly father wrote:

it would be hard work and even heartbreaking especially if they didn't even recognise you but if you love them it's the least you could do.

...nice one Favva, I know in my heart I could never abandon my wife if that ever happened...I just know, as you say...in sickened and in health,,,,that is the bow we have taken and is meant now as much as it was when we took those vows.

But I've seen on telly folk abandoning their OH

remember the man who was burnt on the sir galahad, during the falklands conflict, they couldn't stay together, some sickness can change a person to.

heavenly father wrote:

Joy Division wrote:


...nice one Favva, I know in my heart I could never abandon my wife if that ever happened...I just know, as you say...in sickened and in health,,,,that is the bow we have taken and is meant now as much as it was when we took those vows.

But I've seen on telly folk abandoning their OH

remember the man who was burnt on the sir galahad, during the falklands conflict, they couldn't stay together, some sickness can change a person to.

..as a nipper at the time I do remember the Falklands, I also remember a guy burned badly on the face and have seen him a few times on telly since..think he won bravery award...same guy?

Joy Division wrote:

heavenly father wrote:

remember the man who was burnt on the sir galahad, during the falklands conflict, they couldn't stay together, some sickness can change a person to.

..as a nipper at the time I do remember the Falklands, I also remember a guy burned badly on the face and have seen him a few times on telly since..think he won bravery award...same guy?

yep that's the one... he split up from his wife, i think he married again though but with burns maybe you need to meet them how they look after the burns to get through it, if you know what i mean..

heavenly father wrote:

Joy Division wrote:

..as a nipper at the time I do remember the Falklands, I also remember a guy burned badly on the face and have seen him a few times on telly since..think he won bravery award...same guy?

yep that's the one... he split up from his wife, i think he married again though but with burns maybe you need to meet them how they look after the burns to get through it, if you know what i mean..

..I do Favva, , so they have never looked any different before in the eyes of a potential partner.

Joy Division wrote:

heavenly father wrote:

yep that's the one... he split up from his wife, i think he married again though but with burns maybe you need to meet them how they look after the burns to get through it, if you know what i mean..

..I do Favva, , so they have never looked any different before in the eyes of a potential partner.

yeah, i think its far less difficult than knowing what they looked like before and to be honest you don't know what a traumatic experience like that could do to the person inside either..

It's hard for me to imagine *not* sticking with them through to the end, but I haven't been in that situation before, not really. Closest I ever came was after my dad's first surgery about 10 years ago; he was in a coma for three weeks that felt like 30 years. I could literally never stop thinking about him.

I would stick my them; I couldn't imagine leaving my BF when he needed me most anymore than I could him doing that to me. Of course it would be hard but I believe our love would be enough to overcome any difficulty either of us faced. Even if he didn't know me I would know that inside he was the same person and I certainly would be. I could never then betray him.

Depends on how vegetative? All of my loved ones Openly say (as I do too) that If we were in that state we would prefer to be dead. So if we a talking only slightly better than brain death... I really don't know  

But if we are just talking quadriplegic yes.

I'd stay with him, but I think it would be really really hard on me and all our loved ones.
Also my OH has said he'd rather me put him out of his misery.....
I  am with veya: I think people are better off dead than like this so I'd probably kill him

Ps:I don't mean I'd kill Veya   

Good evening Folks.

Sorry to burst your good will bubbles but none of you know what you would actually do until the time it happened.

It's all very well saying that you would stay with your partner but what if you,the healthy partner as the main bread winner needs to work & bring in a wage to care for you,your kids & vegetative partner & pay the bills.

Are you seriously going to give up a possibly well paid job so that you stay at home all day with your sick partner?

Do you have the capabilities to look after your partner as that kind of care needs expert help?

Who will take you kids to school while you are looking after your partner etc etc?

The fact is,that such a horrible event would be so impactive on your life as well as immediate family that one of the best things to do is to try & stick as closely as possible to your normal family routine.

And the main thing to realize,is that you WILL need help......And lots of it.

If I ended up in that kind of state I'd hope someone would do the kindest thing and knock me off.  I've said often enough I fear life more than death in those kind of circumstances   

Would I have the courage to do that for my Hubby, yes if that was what he wanted.  It's important to have these kinds of discussions.

feelthelove wrote:If I ended up in that kind of state I'd hope someone would do the kindest thing and knock me off.  I've said often enough I fear life more than death in those kind of circumstances   

Would I have the courage to do that for my Hubby, yes if that was what he wanted.  It's important to have these kinds of discussions.

To be honest FtL that is true; I think if one of us was in the situation then we would know that they would rather not carry on living in such a state.

heavenly father wrote:for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, you stay with them until the end  

Absolutely 100%.

No other option would cross my mind.

Eilzel wrote:

feelthelove wrote:If I ended up in that kind of state I'd hope someone would do the kindest thing and knock me off.  I've said often enough I fear life more than death in those kind of circumstances   

Would I have the courage to do that for my Hubby, yes if that was what he wanted.  It's important to have these kinds of discussions.

To be honest FtL that is true; I think if one of us was in the situation then we would know that they would rather not carry on living in such a state.

I worked in a nursing home a couple of years ago. They had an Alzheimers ward, and I remember saying to one of the nurses how terrible it must be for them. She said she thought they were probably the most content of all the patients, they seemed quite happy in their own little reality.

Tess. wrote:

Eilzel wrote:

To be honest FtL that is true; I think if one of us was in the situation then we would know that they would rather not carry on living in such a state.

I worked in a nursing home a couple of years ago.  They had an Alzheimers ward, and I remember saying to one of the nurses how terrible it must be for them.   She said she thought they were probably the most content of all the patients, they seemed quite happy in their own little reality.

I always think of alzheimers as being frightening and it's awful for loved ones too   

For the record, please someone shoot me! Order, order form a single file queue!!!!!

Alzheimer's is only really frightening, as far as I know, when the patient is developing the disease and still has some semblance of their own self, still.
When the disease has totally enveloped them, they are, as Tess has said, normally happy in their own world.

Sorry FTL that post was supposed to be in response to yours but I pressed reply instead of quote lol
Hope you're well btw x