That White Skinned Girl Is My Daughter

I am a brown-skinned Asian woman with a white-skinned 16-year-old biological daughter. The word "biological" is a conscious inclusion because very often it doesn't occur to people that she is my daughter.

In shops we are asked whether we want to pay together. In restaurants we are asked whether we want separate bills. No offence is meant or taken but these are, at the very least, strong snapshot summary points of my lived experience in the 21st century, where discussions about race and multiculturalism do not encompass the genetic mixing of races.

When pregnant I was naïve about the complexity of bringing up a mixed race child. My very early years of mothering were monochromatic. The trigger point occurred when I was first asked about my "nanny job". A Brown skinned woman with a White child? It was as if child-rearing that involved two contrasting skin colours could only be done for monetary purposes.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/jane-chelliah/that-white-skinned-girl-is-my-daughter_b_9595262.html

I've been to restaurants loads of times with my best mate who's Asian. We have to request that we want separate bills - so not sure where she eats?

eddie wrote:I've been to restaurants loads of times with my best mate who's Asian. We have to request that we want separate bills - so not sure where she eats?

Titewad.

Bet ya squeak when ya walk.

I hate separate bills.

If someone is hard up I would rather pay.

Stormee wrote:

eddie wrote:I've been to restaurants loads of times with my best mate who's Asian. We have to request that we want separate bills - so not sure where she eats?

Titewad.

Bet ya squeak when ya walk.

I hate separate bills.

If someone is hard up I would rather pay.

We are two mums out for a day with our kids. We just split everything usually otherwise it gets messy.

We buy eachother little pressies - I am honestly far from a tightwad! I give alot of my stuff away to my nieces and friends all the time!! I'm a sucker!

eddie wrote:I've been to restaurants loads of times with my best mate who's Asian. We have to request that we want separate bills - so not sure where she eats?

She never claimed that it happened every single time they went into them, but clearly on some occasions they have been asked.
So where she eats maybe over the other side of the country, far removed from where you eat.
Not that has any relevance, she is just outlining some of the situations she and her daughter have been perceived as not related.
Its called offering up many of the further complications they both have.
Is that all you took from the story?
I found it very interesting myself

No. It's not interesting. It's like white girls who go out with black men and feel they have to keep telling everyone that they're dating a man that's a different colour and speaking like a black person.

Like it makes a difference.

Just do it and shut up about it and get on with it, because anything else is just self-indulgent "advertising".

I disagree as this is where her skin tones are that of what we define as white.
She had no control over this happening when she was born
As seen for the child it is further complicated and to then explain this.
I mean from an adoption view point people manage with babies born to different ethnic mothers in some cases. So they will deal with some of these situations.
I think though, she is still struggling to accept her child 's physical appearance herself and why she further finds it difficult herself
I mean when you read her comments they read as if she believes races do exist biologically. has her views stem from prejudice stereotypes of Asians, where she struggles to see and identify an asian ethnic physical appearance on the outside. I believe its creating a disconnect to the mother through where she identifies herself through a belief on races biologically.

Fair enough but my advice? Don't overthink it and just get on and be happy with your kid love!

eddie wrote:Fair enough but my advice? Don't overthink it and just get on and be happy with your kid love!

Which is the point, as we have not faced such a situation.
I am positive that she does lover her overwhelmingly
She clearly is proud of her daughter and proud she brought her into this world.
So where then people can view her daughter everyday as they walk past. It clearly plays on her mind, where no doubt, it will increase a paranoia over her feeling people are staring. As yet again its fear driving and fueling being able to readily identify as the biological mother of her daughter. her physical appearance renders that daily as disconnected to other people who see them.
Fear is a taking control and making her be far more concerned over this. When all that matters is she is her biological mothers as you basically state. But this fear is fueling an increasing paranoia it seems

it seems a bit silly

who sees a mixed race child with an adult of one of those races and thinks nanny?

maybe I am just more exposed to mixed races and never really met someone who had a nanny

veya_victaous wrote:it seems a bit silly

who sees a mixed race child with an adult of one of those races and thinks nanny?

Rich British people.

veya_victaous wrote:it seems a bit silly

who sees a mixed race child with an adult of one of those races and thinks nanny?

maybe I am just more exposed to mixed races and never really met someone who had a nanny

YEP...

NO DOUBT we're exposed to more "mixed marriages" down here,  so that such thoughts and suspicions are nowhere near as common..

WHEN  I was at high school, there were a couple of brothers who had a caucasian mother and a Pacific Islander father, where one brother took after the mother and one after the father !  So at first first impressions noone would take them as a family group, but also once they knew they were a family there wasn't any of the surprise or suspicion one might get over in Europe;  nor any of the bigotry that might be found in some more parochial minded country towns, or southern states in the US.

BUT THEN,  the Hunter/Sydney/Wollongong regions have always been cultural 'melting pots', ever since their inceptions..

WhoseYourWolfie wrote:

veya_victaous wrote:it seems a bit silly

who sees a mixed race child with an adult of one of those races and thinks nanny?

maybe I am just more exposed to mixed races and never really met someone who had a nanny

YEP...

NO DOUBT we're exposed to more "mixed marriages" down here,  so that such thoughts and suspicions are nowhere near as common..

WHEN  I was at high school, there were a couple of brothers who had a caucasian mother and a Pacific Islander father, where one brother took after the mother and one after the father !  So at first first impressions noone would take them as a family group, but also once they knew they were a family there wasn't any of the surprise or suspicion one might get over in Europe;  nor any of the bigotry that might be found in some more parochial minded country towns, or southern states in the US.

BUT THEN,  the Hunter/Sydney/Wollongong regions have always been cultural 'melting pots', ever since their inceptions..

There are some very baseless claims made above not backed with a single shred of evidence in regards to mixed races in Australia compared to the Uk you made. Its easier for me to show how that view and claim is flawed based off the diverse ancestry og ethnic and cultures groups often mixed centuries preceding Australia's creation
Now you are aware of the long history of the Uk and how many ethnic groups have helped shape, create and form its multicultural people?.

well we mean mixed races as in last 2 to 4 generations tops otherwise just aussie
generally we mean at least one parent born overseas or at least since 1901

obviously we don't means great great great great great grand father can from somewhere else, many of us cant really go that far back on the aussie side.

Also you sort of prove that we are much more multicultural as we are the same level of mixed race in a few generations as you are from centuries, thus there needs to be many more current mixed race kids to reach that number

veya_victaous wrote:well we mean mixed races as in last 2 to 4 generations tops otherwise just aussie
generally we mean at least one parent born overseas  or at least since 1901

obviously we don't means great great great great great grand father can from somewhere else, many of us cant really go that far back on the aussie side.

YEP !

AND,  when we use terms like "Pacific Islander", that  means born somewhere like Tonga, Samoa, Fiji, Tahiti or Vanuatu..

NOT that his/her great great great great great grandaddy came from there...

veya_victaous wrote:well we mean mixed races as in last 2 to 4 generations tops otherwise just aussie
generally we mean at least one parent born overseas  or at least since 1901

obviously we don't means great great great great great grand father can from somewhere else, many of us cant really go that far back on the aussie side.

You mean you are thus then continuing to further back something not backed scientifically through biology?
So how then can Australia be as diverse as the UK, whens its had many different ethnic groups and cultures live here
When Australia was born from these very same people ethnic group and culture wise

didge wrote:

veya_victaous wrote:well we mean mixed races as in last 2 to 4 generations tops otherwise just aussie
generally we mean at least one parent born overseas  or at least since 1901

obviously we don't means great great great great great grand father can from somewhere else, many of us cant really go that far back on the aussie side.

You mean you are thus then continuing to further back something not backed scientifically through biology?
So how then can Australia be as diverse as the UK, whens its had many different ethnic groups and cultures live here
When Australia was born from these very same people ethnic group and culture wise

because we mean all the Asians, Indians, middle eastern, other Europeans, pacific islanders etc that have also become Australian or 'Aussie' and joined out great hybrid-cultural race.

Aussies can be of such and such decent but that doesn't make them less Aussie and like we said if you cant really claim 'decent' for longer than 4 generations or you are thought of as being a bit of a tosser

veya_victaous wrote:

didge wrote:

You mean you are thus then continuing to further back something not backed scientifically through biology?
So how then can Australia be as diverse as the UK, whens its had many different ethnic groups and cultures live here
When Australia was born from these very same people ethnic group and culture wise

because we mean all the Asians, Indians, middle eastern, other Europeans, pacific islanders etc that have also become Australian or 'Aussie' and joined out great hybrid-cultural race.

Aussies can be of such and such decent but that doesn't make them less Aussie and like we said if you cant really claim 'decent' for longer than 4 generations or you are thought of as being a bit of a tosser  

You mean multi ethnic cultural.
Which again is only recent. The UK populace before Australia was created, was already formed of Multi cultures and ethnic cultures. Where it has had Africans residing in the Uk since the time of the Romans. So I will clearly claim the view that Australia is more used to something, than the UK is really not correct at all. Where not only this, the land masses are far removed in size and space and the populations are also vastly different in size and space. Australians are vastly made up of colonial descendants. Not denying anything makes them less Aussie. Iam just rightly challenging a claim over two nations.

Again something to show British History


http://www.lsbu.ac.uk/case-studies/showcasing-britannias-long-diverse-history-racial-mixedness

I don't know who has more mixed race marriages or children, the U.K. or Oz, but we have enough for this to be a commonplace occurance so I have NO idea what this woman is really waffling about tbh!

I think she's a bit paranoid and perhaps wants a bit of attention.

Ben_Reilly wrote:

veya_victaous wrote:it seems a bit silly

who sees a mixed race child with an adult of one of those races and thinks nanny?

Rich British people.

I was a nanny for a black couple. I lived there for two years and brought their kids up (and ultimately became the girl's godparent)
I still see their kids and one of them, the boy, just had a kid of their own!!

Feel so old.

eddie wrote:

Ben_Reilly wrote:

veya_victaous wrote:it seems a bit silly

who sees a mixed race child with an adult of one of those races and thinks nanny?

Rich British people.

I was a nanny for a black couple. I lived there for two years and brought their kids up (and ultimately became the girl's godparent)
I still see their kids and one of them, the boy, just had a kid of their own!!

Feel so old.

I know what you mean! A neighbor kid who was in preschool when I tutored him, back when I wanted to become a teacher, is now 10 years old and doesn't even remember when I used to tutor him ...

Ben_Reilly wrote:

eddie wrote:

I was a nanny for a black couple. I lived there for two years and brought their kids up (and ultimately became the girl's godparent)
I still see their kids and one of them, the boy, just had a kid of their own!!

Feel so old.

I know what you mean! A neighbor kid who was in preschool when I tutored him, back when I wanted to become a teacher, is now 10 years old and doesn't even remember when I used to tutor him ...

Wait until you have a grandson of 22!

My niece is 21

That's not the same lol

I know. Just thought we were playing a game about numbers

didge wrote:

veya_victaous wrote:

didge wrote:

You mean you are thus then continuing to further back something not backed scientifically through biology?
So how then can Australia be as diverse as the UK, whens its had many different ethnic groups and cultures live here
When Australia was born from these very same people ethnic group and culture wise

because we mean all the Asians, Indians, middle eastern, other Europeans, pacific islanders etc that have also become Australian or 'Aussie' and joined out great hybrid-cultural race.

Aussies can be of such and such decent but that doesn't make them less Aussie and like we said if you cant really claim 'decent' for longer than 4 generations or you are thought of as being a bit of a tosser  

You mean multi ethnic cultural.
Which again is only recent. The UK populace before Australia was created, was already formed of Multi cultures and ethnic cultures. Where it has had Africans residing in the Uk since the time of the Romans. So I will clearly claim the view that Australia is more used to something, than the UK is really not correct at all. Where not only this, the land masses are far removed in size and space and the populations are also vastly different in size and space. Australians are vastly made up of colonial descendants. Not denying anything makes them less Aussie. Iam just rightly challenging a claim over two nations.

Again something to show British History


http://www.lsbu.ac.uk/case-studies/showcasing-britannias-long-diverse-history-racial-mixedness

no I mean Aussie the New Race of inclusion from down under.. (and kiwis )

And we take ALL those you are claiming form your multiculturalism and saying counting it as Just one of our ethnic subgroups.. And Also Recent? no not really about half our nations existence We just aint old and decrepit. like i said we count 4 generations back so saying we had some other culture here during the roman empire just makes you a tosser (sorry that is the national standard) and if we play that game we add 200 cultures for each of the aboriginal nations...
BUT we are not playing how many cultures over centuries we are talking how many in the last few decades only, no further back than great great grand father.