How We Judge Others Is How We Judge Ourselves

First topic message reminder :

"Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.”
~Sri Chinmoy

Oh yeah, this has been a big one for me. Huge.

I’ve had a long, tedious journey toward recognizing that many of my thoughts were based in judgments of others. I didn’t realize it for years.

I used to think I had strong opinions, was decisive, and able to “evaluate” others. I “got” people. I understood where they were coming from, their motivations, and why they said what they said and did what they did.

I was a highly skilled definer, and an even better dismisser. Once I’d figured you out, my opinions were set in stone. I didn’t leave much room for changing those opinions either. Once I’d decided, that was it. You were what you were, according to me.

With the benefit of time and hindsight, I’ve come to realize that since I was actively embracing a life of personal growth (or “working on my stuff,” as I like to call it), I somehow felt that gave me free rein to comment on what others were doing.

I’ve also realized this is a common behavior in those of us on the personal growth path.

When we are seeking change for ourselves, we sometimes feel we can comment on (or seek change for) the lives of others—about how they should behave, about what is acceptable for them, and so on.

I had some inexplicable sense of entitlement that validated my judgmental parts in behaving this way.

This criticizing behavior was, for the most part, restricted to my thoughts. Outwardly, I was generally a pretty nice gal—helpful, polite, and funny; and I had plenty of friends who liked spending time with me.

Internally though, my thoughts could be pretty acidic. The judgmental parts of me were constantly criticizing, sizing up, dismissing, and diminishing those around me.

I slowly started to become more knowledgeable about the internal criticizers as my awareness grew and my judgments diminished in response to some other issues I was tackling.

While that was a huge relief, I started to realize just how much mental space and energy I was giving those internal judges. I was shocked to recognize just how bossy and mean they could be.

I also began to wonder how much criticism these internal judges had of me. And man, was I amazed when I started paying attention. I realized I had a pretty constant stream of internal dialogue that was just as critical of me as it was of the outside world.

That was a revelation!

This really clarified, in a new way, the idea that “the outer world is a reflection of the inner world.”

Generally, our judgment of others is an extension of self-judgment; and the self-judgment is so ingrained, so normal, we don’t even recognize it.

This was an intense experience of pulling back the curtain. It also signified the beginning of a great leap forward, in terms of transforming the critical internal dialogue, which, in turn (and in time), transformed and far diminished the judgment of others.

Here are some tools I used to transform the judgments that you may find helpful:

1. When you catch yourself having a defining thought about someone, step back and ask, “What do I really know about this person?”

Often, the answer is a version of “not very much.” This behavior acts as a pattern interrupt, and forces you to stop and consider where the judgment is coming from.

2. When you hear yourself criticizing someone to others, stop and take a moment to come up with one thing you like about that person. Then praise them, out loud, for that quality.

This is another version of a pattern interrupt, and is also a reminder that they too are human, and like us all, have both attractive and not-so-attractive qualities.

3. When you find yourself in one of those incessant loop thought patterns of judgment about someone else’s behaviors, ask the hard question: Do I myself exhibit this same behavior or attitude that I judge in this person?

Almost always, the answer is yes (not that one always comes to that yes easily). You probably already know that the stuff that irritates us the most about others tends to be attributes we don’t necessarily realize we ourselves have. This was the single most difficult tool I used. It was also probably the most effective.

I am pleased to report that I have massively reduced the judgmental behaviors, toward others and myself. I still consider that it’s an ongoing journey, which helps me in recognizing any rogue criticisms pretty quickly.

Most importantly, I have a completely different perspective on other people than I used to.

Keeping this in mind has been helpful; if you’re struggling with judgment of others, perhaps you will find it useful as well:

For us to judge another, we’d have to know everything about that person—their complete personality, their personal history, their belief systems, their culture, their religion, their family background, and all their past experiences, for starters.

Let’s pretend, for a moment, that we could possibly know all of this about another person.

At that point, since we would see that person in their totality—and we would see that all the decisions that person makes, and all the experiences they are creating, are theirs to make and create as they see fit, to support their lovely, complex, ever-changing growth process—there’d be nothing to judge.

So since we can’t possibly know all those things about another, let’s just skip right up to the “nothing to judge” part, okay?

It’s a deal.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-we-judge-others-is-how-we-judge-ourselves/

Raggamuffin wrote:

sassy wrote:

eddie wrote:


Yes he does go off the deep end - like loads of others on here - and he does get abusive and horrible - like loads of others on here, but here is the big BUT!

His wars with certain people doesn't stop him defending them or agreeing on another topic.

And that's not very common round here. Most people decide to hate someone and are too cowardly, even when they see that person being treated unfairly, to stand up and say "look I don't like him/her but in this instance they're right"

I think there are a few hot heads on here to be honest.

Would that be the defending he does in order to blackmail you with it and say you should agree with him.  I have never asked or wanted his defending and I have requested him never to do it again, because it comes with strings and is his way of making himself the 'good guy' to try and manipulate you at a later stage.

So many people saying he's bully, but you, even though you said you would never trust him, chose to defend him against them all.   (And yes I know you told me that in a pm and normally I would not say it, but I'm pretty fed up with you dealing with others in one way and Didge in another).  To add from your other thread, as I said at the time, a hex is not there to do harm (harm to none and none to me), rather different than saying you going to drive someone to a nervous breakdown (not that he could, self inflated nonentity that he is).  That is why I, and others, reported it straight to Ben, because we knew you would do nothing.  I don't want a row with you Eddie, but be buggered if I'm going to let that pass, especially as I have now been told he's at the arse licking, I'll be a good boy I will and I'm so sorry Mummy, stage of his cycle of abuse that never ends.

The hex was a bit sinister though.

You think??

Raggamuffin wrote:

sassy wrote:


Would that be the defending he does in order to blackmail you with it and say you should agree with him.  I have never asked or wanted his defending and I have requested him never to do it again, because it comes with strings and is his way of making himself the 'good guy' to try and manipulate you at a later stage.

So many people saying he's bully, but you, even though you said you would never trust him, chose to defend him against them all.   (And yes I know you told me that in a pm and normally I would not say it, but I'm pretty fed up with you dealing with others in one way and Didge in another).  To add from your other thread, as I said at the time, a hex is not there to do harm (harm to none and none to me), rather different than saying you going to drive someone to a nervous breakdown (not that he could, self inflated nonentity that he is).  That is why I, and others, reported it straight to Ben, because we knew you would do nothing.  I don't want a row with you Eddie, but be buggered if I'm going to let that pass, especially as I have now been told he's at the arse licking, I'll be a good boy I will and I'm so sorry Mummy, stage of his cycle of abuse that never ends.

The hex was a bit sinister though.

Itwas and i was angry with sassy dragging up the past

No excuse, butthatis why, after she posted countless falsified threads, she broughtup things I had said before for one intention, to make people dislike me

That is shit stirring as well as promoting the hate she does which she is allowed

I hate racism and I am sick of her getting away with posting lies that incite hate, racist hate from things like Facebook

I am human, I get angry when people promote hate, it brings back when I once did hate and was very violent. Something I Have to live with

Sorry, thatis who I am

eddie wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:

The hex was a bit sinister though.

You think??

Funny


i "hexed" storme ....nobody said a thing

korban dallas wrote:

eddie wrote:


You think??

Funny


i "hexed" storme ....nobody said a thing

I bet he never even noticed.

I don't know anything about hexes, but I once knew a scorned woman who made a doll of the man who was cheating on her.
She was serious, added bits of hair from his comb and dressed it with bits of his clothing.
She didn't stick pins in it but she twisted it's arms and legs....she said it worked.

korban dallas wrote:

eddie wrote:


You think??

Funny


i "hexed" storme ....nobody said a thing

Did you announce it about 100 times though?

korban dallas wrote:

eddie wrote:

You think??

Funny

i "hexed" storme ....nobody said a thing

Hey...I popped a CAPS LOCK   on Raggs dumb arse and shortly there after he/she/it wouldn't stop trolling/stalking me ...so he/she/it earned a 'FOE/Ignore' and the title Troll#2.  

korban dallas wrote:

eddie wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:

The hex was a bit sinister though.

You think??

Funny


i "hexed" storme ....nobody said a thing

Never saw it.
I think its as bad as saying you wish someone dead or similar.

If Vod had said she'd hexed someone or out a spell on them, she'd have been banned.

Personally, I see a lot of things that aren't nice and I let them go because no is complaining at the time and

EVERYONE IS AS BAD AS EACHOTHER

I've said it for years

aspca4ever wrote:

korban dallas wrote:
Funny

i "hexed" storme ....nobody said a thing

Hey...I popped a CAPS LOCK   on Raggs dumb arse and shortly there after he/she/it wouldn't stop trolling/stalking me ...so he/she/it earned a 'FOE/Ignore' and the title Troll#2.  

I didn't feel a thing. I guess you're not as influential as you think you are. Trolls like you seldom are.

Syl wrote:I don't know anything about hexes, but I once knew a scorned woman who made a doll of the man who was cheating on her.
She was serious, added bits of hair from his comb and dressed it with bits of his clothing.
She didn't stick pins in it but she twisted it's arms and legs....she said it worked.

You think that's ok?

eddie wrote:

Syl wrote:I don't know anything about hexes, but I once knew a scorned woman who made a doll of the man who was cheating on her.
She was serious, added bits of hair from his comb and dressed it with bits of his clothing.
She didn't stick pins in it but she twisted it's arms and legs....she said it worked.

You think that's ok?

I thought she was quite mad tbh.

Syl wrote:

eddie wrote:

Syl wrote:I don't know anything about hexes, but I once knew a scorned woman who made a doll of the man who was cheating on her.
She was serious, added bits of hair from his comb and dressed it with bits of his clothing.
She didn't stick pins in it but she twisted it's arms and legs....she said it worked.

You think that's ok?

I thought she was quite mad tbh.

They sell actual voodoo dolls in Camden in London
Not sure they should be allowed..?

Best check my hairbrush.......

eddie wrote:

Syl wrote:

I thought she was quite mad tbh.

They sell actual voodoo dolls in Camden in London
Not sure they should be allowed..?

Best check my hairbrush.......

I believe (though I may be wrong) that this sort of voodoo magic can work, but only if the person knows about it.
They then worry themselves sick and every twinge they feel they put down to the curse.....so they talk themselves into being ill.

eddie wrote:

korban dallas wrote:
Funny


i "hexed" storme ....nobody said a thing

Never saw it.
I think its as bad as saying you wish someone dead or similar.

If Vod had said she'd hexed someone or out a spell on them, she'd have been banned.

Personally, I see a lot of things that aren't nice and I let them go because no is complaining at the time  and

EVERYONE IS AS BAD AS EACHOTHER

I've said it for years  

Vod ? Christians don`t do hexes

eddie wrote:

Syl wrote:

I thought she was quite mad tbh.

They sell actual voodoo dolls in Camden in London
Not sure they should be allowed..?

Best check my hairbrush.......

Well look at it this way should crosses,star of david or any religious symbol ot item be allowed voodo is a old and legitimate religion you cant ban the trappings of that religion if they hurt nobody

korban dallas wrote:

eddie wrote:

Syl wrote:

I thought she was quite mad tbh.

They sell actual voodoo dolls in Camden in London
Not sure they should be allowed..?

Best check my hairbrush.......

Well look at it this way should crosses,star of david or any religious symbol ot item be allowed voodo is a old and legitimate religion you cant ban the trappings of that religion if they hurt nobody

True enough
Still think voodoo dolls are