Pun Thread

[Lurker]

Add Your Puns:



1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.



4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.



5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.



6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.



7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.



8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.



9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.



10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.



12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.



13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'



14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.



15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

'Keep off the Grass.'



16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'



17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.



19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.



20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.



21. A backward poet writes inverse.



22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.



23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.



24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

[Lurker]

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Broken pencils are pointless.


What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

[Ben Reilly]

Crud, so many! I had a hard time thinking of any, and I'm usually pretty good at puns.

It reminds me of the time I got to fulfill my lifelong dream of swimming with dolphins. I thought it was going to be so great, but then one of the dolphins whacked me in the side of my head with his tail.

The worst part was, I'm pretty sure he did it on porpoise.

[Ben Reilly]

Clothing Factory Explodes in Scotland: 30 Kilt

[veya_victaous]

Okay not sure of the d;eivery but I'll give it a go...

2 scientists walk into a Bar order a drink and sit down.
After a few mins one of the scientist notice they are in a gay bar,
no wanting the waste their drink they sit there anyway.
Just then A Man walks into the Bar and is immediately hailed by a flamboyantly gay man at the Bar.
The Two Scientist watch on the Men Race to Embrace each other with obvious affections and go crashing into each others arms....
One scientist turns to other, discreetly indicating the 2 men and says
"hard-on collider"

[Ben Reilly]

Why did the crew mutiny against the captain who was building a small holding cell for his concubines?

They thought he was getting a little brig for his bitches.

[Lurker]

Gro-o-o-a-a-annnnn.........

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