Kick-Ass Fart Jokes

Doctor: "What seems to be the problem today?"

Patient: "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient: "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times."

"Hmm," says the Doctor, as he picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Thank you Doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses, it stinks like a fermented diaper in here. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

A woman walks into a restaurant and takes a seat. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly, with the Waiter right behind her.

Shocked, she sits back up abruptly, glares at the waiter and shouts "Stop That!"

To which the Waiter replies "Sure, Which Way Did It Go?"

Man goes to a brothel. The Madam is out of women but, since the guy is drunk she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference.

Being a bit nervous because she has never tried this one before, the Madam waits outside the door. The man comes out in five minutes.

"How was it?", asks the Madam.

"I don't know," says the man, "I bit her on the tit and she farted and flew out the window!"

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/barjokes/fartjokes.html

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice -- except they won't let you fart."