Do you love one child more than another?

Parents may protest that they love their children equally but favouritism is an alarmingly common problem.

The cardinal rule of parenting is that all children are loved equally. But although parents swear to love each of their little darlings equally, they often show their love in very different ways – which can lead to a lifetime of resentment from the lesser-favoured sibling.

Scientific research published in the journal Demography shows that the birth of a first and a second child briefly increases the level of their parents' happiness, but that a third child has a negligible effect. Whether it’s a case of favouring the eldest child or preferring one gender, Christine Northam, a counsellor at Relate, says that favouritism is reality in the majority of families.

“With the best will in the world, the most loving parents at times feel that one child is giving them a lot of hassle while the other is not,” she says. “It does go on to a greater or lesser extent in most families but it’s contextual, based on what’s going on at the time in the family.”

Northam says that parents may decide to give one child more attention during exam period, but forget to consider the impact on other children in the family.


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11195149/Do-you-love-one-child-more-than-another.html

Well, life is subjective.  Subjectivity is the stuff of values.  So yes, we make value determinations about and among children.

Generally, we make the personal representative of our estate the one child we think is best suited to those skills involved.  We all have in mind what it is to "favour" a child, but is that all?  Isn't simply choosing a personal representative a form of favoritism?

And that's just one thing.  We conceive of our kids differently every minute of every day.  This one is artistic, that one articulate, this one a good researcher, that one good with math, another quite spiritual...and on and on it goes.  We value each child quite differently...and 'favour' is simply a different term for value.

But you ask about love? Do you mean sexual love? That's disgusting. So I will assume you mean 'favour'. Yes, of course we favor one child over another, depending on what aspect is called into question. See above.

I have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl. The boys have never been any trouble, but the girl is never out of it.Both boys have never been out of work. Eldest did 22yrs in the Army and made Sergeant Major. Girl never got married but has 4 kids and is all ways in debt. Ihave spent thousands keeping her out of trouble. Ilove them all but must admit a special kind of love fof the girl.

nicko wrote:I have 3 children,  2 boys and a girl.  The boys have never been any trouble, but the girl is never out of it.Both boys have never been out of work. Eldest did 22yrs in the Army and made Sergeant Major. Girl never got married but has 4 kids and is all ways in debt. Ihave spent thousands keeping her out of trouble. Ilove them all but must admit a special kind of love fof the girl.

Or a special kind of attention.  And obviously she needed your special kind of hovering.  I don't think that life is one-dimensional, such as the question suggests.  I think life is systemic...that is to say, that life is a multidimensional pattern that falls into place as needed.  

I don't believe you loved daughter more, you just had to pay closer attention.  Of course, I have never met you or your lovely family, but that is my interpretation when I encounter such situations.