Are children worth giving up your life for?

This is what happens on a Saturday morning. At 8am my alarm shrieks me awake. I then get up reluctantly, sleepily, and look around me. My seven-year-old daughter is, inevitably, in bed with me, having crept in silently during the night. My son Jerry, aged nine, is awake as he always is, buzzing around and probably watching some very important football game on his iPad. My 11-year-old, Leonard, will be pretending to be asleep, resolutely refusing to stir, and 18-year-old Raymond, well, he is always dead to the world.
So this is how it is, on a Saturday morning, a mixture of action and inaction. My job is to get up, get motivated, get them moving. Raymond needs to go to drama, Jerry to football, Leonard to cricket and my daughter, she just gets to come along with them all. After we drop the boys off, she and I grab a quick coffee in a café. We get 20 minutes together before we have to pick them all up again in reverse.
I am, in truth, a one-woman taxi service. My weekends have been obliterated in a round of to-ing and fro-ing. I hadn’t realised how madly exhausting any of this was until a friend of mine came to stay.
“Why on earth are you doing any of this?” she said.
It must be pointed out that she doesn’t have children and spends her weekend life lying around reading the newspapers and sneaking outside for occasional cigarettes.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11137207/Are-children-worth-giving-up-your-life-for.html

Totally disagree with her and raising children should be fun, even though it comes with many difficulties, but if you do not find enjoyment, then they seriously need to look at why they did have children, where you have taken the responsibility to have children in the first place. Though am interested to see what others say and wait before I say more.

I think many people - and in this case obviously a middle class woman - enrol their children in too many after-school clubs and weekend clubs. It's almost like they feel guilty and like a bad parent if their kids aren't mad-busy doing drama, or life art, or football or ballet......
It's a very middle-class (or working-class striving for middle-class) way of life;

"Look at my well-rounded, busy, clever children! I can drop them all off in my car then moan about how little time I have at Costa's whilst I'm sipping a skinny (!) latte. Us mummy's can all then, compare classes and feel smug that we are so ultra-busy and our children aren't just relaxing and watching TV!"

Simple terms, this isn't always about actually giving children what they want, it's about the parents chucking stuff at them in the hope that something might rub off. It's also a good way to not have to entertain them yourself.

What's wrong with a teen just relaxing, in his pjs, eating bacon sarnies for Sunday breakfast and watching a film?
Nothing.

Of course I sound a little harsh, but in reality, I know lots and lots of parents like this and their whirlwind of manic activities, and quite often, when you ask the kids......
They don't even want to go.

eddie wrote:I think many people - and in this case obviously a middle class woman - enrol their children in too many after-school clubs and weekend clubs. It's almost like they feel guilty and like a bad parent if their kids aren't mad-busy doing drama, or life art, or football or ballet......
It's a very middle-class (or working-class striving for middle-class) way of life;

"Look at my well-rounded, busy, clever children! I can drop them all off in my car then moan about how little time I have at Costa's whilst I'm sipping a skinny (!) latte. Us mummy's can all then, compare classes and feel smug that we are so ultra-busy and our children aren't just relaxing and watching TV!"

Simple terms, this isn't always about actually giving children what they want, it's about the parents chucking stuff at them in the hope that something might rub off. It's also a good way to not have to entertain them yourself.

What's wrong with a teen just relaxing, in his pjs, eating bacon sarnies for Sunday breakfast and watching a film?
Nothing.

Of course I sound a little harsh, but in reality, I know lots and lots of parents like this and their whirlwind of manic activities,  and quite often, when you ask the kids......
They don't even want to go.

+1

Great post Eddie.

x

Halloooo didge!! Keep trying to catch you when you're online and keep missing you! Hope you're well my friend x

eddie wrote:Halloooo didge!! Keep trying to catch you when you're online and keep missing you! Hope you're well my friend x

Am fab thank you, hope you are well too.

x

Edds, we have the same problem in the U.S. with parents scheduling up all their children's time outside of school with activities, sports, arts lessons, etc. A lot of people fear that these kids aren't going to know how to handle themselves when every hour of their day isn't scheduled out.

There's also research suggesting that figuring out what to do with your free time is important for a child's development, for everything from creativity to social skills.

I imagine it was also nice for my parents to have me leave the house for hours at a time with my friends and know that I took it as my own responsibility to get myself back home for meals. I had a bicycle; it was easy

The way I do it? If the child asks to try something I take them along. If they enjoy it and want to get involved then I get involved to - not as helicopter parent (way too much like hard work) but enough to feel what is going on - I did not stay for cricket practice I did drive car loads of kids around to the away matches, and I never missed a home match. Unless of course it was something I was also interested in and then we did it together.

If the child wants to drop out I talk to them and find out why and make sure they have though it through properly.

sphinx wrote:The way I do it?  If the child asks to try something I take them along.  If they enjoy it and want to get involved then I get involved to - not as helicopter parent (way too much like hard work) but enough to feel what is going on - I did not stay for cricket practice I did drive car loads of kids around to the away matches, and I never missed a home match.  Unless of course it was something I was also interested in and then we did it together.

If the child wants to drop out I talk to them and find out why and make sure they have though it through properly.

Interesting philosophy, were you brought up out of interest with certain things forced onto you to do, like I was, like with me, with playing musical instruments?

Didge wrote:

sphinx wrote:The way I do it?  If the child asks to try something I take them along.  If they enjoy it and want to get involved then I get involved to - not as helicopter parent (way too much like hard work) but enough to feel what is going on - I did not stay for cricket practice I did drive car loads of kids around to the away matches, and I never missed a home match.  Unless of course it was something I was also interested in and then we did it together.

If the child wants to drop out I talk to them and find out why and make sure they have though it through properly.

Interesting philosophy, were you brought up out of interest with certain things forced onto you to do, like I was, like with me, with playing musical instruments?

Closer to the opposite. I wanted to join brownies or guides but was not allowed. I was taken to the sports club my parents were members of and joined junior activities there but I think if given the choice I would have chosen brownies/guides. I mean I enjoyed the sports and I was not forced to do them - I could have chosen to not do them, there was no pressure but it was more a case of better that nothing and I would rather have done other things.

sphinx wrote:

Didge wrote:


Interesting philosophy, were you brought up out of interest with certain things forced onto you to do, like I was, like with me, with playing musical instruments?

Closer to the opposite.  I wanted to join brownies or guides but was not allowed. I was taken to the sports club my parents were members of and joined junior activities there but I think if given the choice I would have chosen brownies/guides.  I mean I enjoyed the sports and I was not forced to do them - I could have chosen to not do them, there was no pressure but it was more a case of better that nothing and I would rather have done other things.

Interesting, was just wondering if your views today had influence from your own experience and not knocking, just interested on how life experiences can affect how we make decisions today with our own children.
So did any of your children take up the scouts or guides?

Night all, will catch up tomorrow.

Didge wrote:

sphinx wrote:

Closer to the opposite.  I wanted to join brownies or guides but was not allowed. I was taken to the sports club my parents were members of and joined junior activities there but I think if given the choice I would have chosen brownies/guides.  I mean I enjoyed the sports and I was not forced to do them - I could have chosen to not do them, there was no pressure but it was more a case of better that nothing and I would rather have done other things.

Interesting, was just wondering if your views today had influence from your own experience and not knocking, just interested on how life experiences can affect how we make decisions today with our own children.
So did any of your children take up the scouts or guides?

No but all of them either have done or are doing army cadets. To be honest there was some pressure there from their father (after we split) but it has been more in the direction of which cadet force rather than cadet versus no cadet and they have all enjoyed it and benefited from it.
I mean I think if they had had not expressed an interest in any clubs and seemed aimless I would have encouraged them trying cadets or scouts but if they had had some other interest and club I would have left it at that if that makes sense. As it was the eldest fancied army cadets and the others saw what he was doing and wanted the same (rules on ages have changed at the same time so the eldest actually started 18 months younger than the youngest) - maybe one wanted to try air and one wanted to try naval (that was never going to happen - I dont know about other areas but the naval cadets around here are awful - they cannot even march off on the same foot or same beat) but were directed to go army but that is about it.
Actually thinking back they all went to St Johns Badgers when younger - heard about it at school and wanted to try it. There are now weird rules at Badgers that say the children are not allowed to be taught drill (something about appearance of excessive discipline) but still have to parade at presentations (twice a year) which results in hasty instructions just before presentations in marching and stopping and turning. In my experience all kids love drill so long as it is not over done and when they got older they expressed an interest more in cadets than in St Johns.

eddie wrote:I think many people - and in this case obviously a middle class woman - enrol their children in too many after-school clubs and weekend clubs. It's almost like they feel guilty and like a bad parent if their kids aren't mad-busy doing drama, or life art, or football or ballet......
It's a very middle-class (or working-class striving for middle-class) way of life;

"Look at my well-rounded, busy, clever children! I can drop them all off in my car then moan about how little time I have at Costa's whilst I'm sipping a skinny (!) latte. Us mummy's can all then, compare classes and feel smug that we are so ultra-busy and our children aren't just relaxing and watching TV!"

Simple terms, this isn't always about actually giving children what they want, it's about the parents chucking stuff at them in the hope that something might rub off. It's also a good way to not have to entertain them yourself.

What's wrong with a teen just relaxing, in his pjs, eating bacon sarnies for Sunday breakfast and watching a film?
Nothing.

Of course I sound a little harsh, but in reality, I know lots and lots of parents like this and their whirlwind of manic activities,  and quite often, when you ask the kids......
They don't even want to go.

+1 more

Well I'm glad that my parents thought it was worthwhile otherwise I wouldn't be here.

And I'm sure I wasn't just the result of a bonk and I was planned

I have been a soccer mum for 17 years - since senior first joined a club. its been expensive, far to travel, dirty, freezing cold and blazing hot and taken up most of my days off but I wouldn't change it for anything. The look on their faces when they scored or their team has won or the Cuddles and talk after a defeat are precious.
plus it helped senior get a scholarship to college and fingers crossed it will be the same for junior. in fact after juniors tournament last Sunday we went along to a men's league match and got to see senior play which was fab considering his accident.
along the way we've done cubs, youth clubs, swimming lessons, judo, various instruments (hell I even bought a piano) but it all came from them requesting to try not from us pushing or deciding they should do it.

children need a balance of school, activities,

bugger it...


children need a balance of school, activities, sports, free play and just plain old slumping in front of the Tv and having pancakes for dinner.

BUT sometimes they need a push - and don't we all at sometime.