Capitan Dickbeard: Operation Dump The Human Garbage

I am afraid of everything that isn't me

Actually, maybe it should be "Bullies that are Terrified of Everyone" since that would also encompass the breadth of all current policy.

Sure, polls are suggesting a positive bump for the government if they follow through on their tepid indications that there may yet be a conscience vote on marriage equality - legislation that most of the rest of the western world has already passed with precisely zero negative effects and which we're going to need to do just to encourage immigration from the countries our government likes - but, as long predicted, we're also about to start sending asylum seekers to Cambodia.

"But isn't Cambodia an incredibly poor country with zero refugee infrastructure, a notoriously corrupt government who is likely to absorb the $40 million we're reportedly going to give them without actually providing anything for said refugees, a history of political and social instability including periods where the Buddhist government closed Islamic schools - which is something to keep in mind when most of the folks being picked up in boats are fleeing from violence in Muslim countries - and which is already starting to feel the effects of China's upstream damming efforts on their dwindling supply of fresh water?" you might justifiably ask.

And the answer to all those things is "yes", but it's important to point out that who fucking cares? Not Scott Morrison, that's for damn sure.

In fact, so few fucks does Morrison give that he's not even prepared to confirm that he's going to Cambodia to work on the finishing touches to Operation Dump The Human Garbage.

Fortunately Cambodia's interior minister Sar Kheng happily confirmed the visit to the Phnom Penh Post: “Regarding the issue of refugees, Australia Immigration Minister will soon, in the upcoming days, visit Cambodia. The minister will visit a number of areas in Cambodia.”

Mind you, your foreign minister Julia Bishop had already flagged the government's willingness to bribe - sorry, negotiate with - Cambodia when Australia slashed its international aid to pretty much everyone, yet mysteriously increased its aid to Cambodia by more than double (from $309 million to $686 million). Probably just a delicious coincidence!

You'll work harder with a gun in your back for a bowl of rice a day…

So, you know how we're about to start sending asylum seekers to Cambodia because it's totally safe and 55% of the population don't live in abject, hand-to-mouth poverty and government corruption just shows that they've got a keen interest in being involved?

Well, one of the big arguments that's being thrown around for why you should just shut the fuck up about the plan is that Cambodia is safe and has an admirable human rights record. Why, they haven't been officially censured in the UN since… um, January. By Australia.

Now, you might be shocked to hear that Cambodia's human rights record is less than spotless, since its Prime Minister, Hung Sen, was a former cadre with the Kymer Rouge and, in the words of former foreign minister Gareth Evans, “ruled, for all practical purposes, as an autocrat, showing scant regard for rights of free expression and association and resorting to violent repression whenever he deemed it necessary to preserve his and his party’s position”.

And on January 28 Cambodia was formally criticised by Australia for violent, deadly crackdowns by police on protestors demonstrating against electoral fraud, police corruption and human rights abuses including the arbitrary, trial-free incarcerations of students and homeless people.

And then on February 22, your foreign minister Julie Bishop asked if hey, what say they take 1000 asylum seekers from Nauru in return for $40 million?

Fortunately any expert will confirm that cleaning up a nation's endemic corruption and culture of fraud generally takes between two and three weeks, so Jules was completely right to wait a full 25 days before asking them to be our pals in Operation Dump The Human Garbage.

After all, what better place could we send people than a country that can't look after their own? As opposed to Australia, of course, who just choose not to.