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About Us & RulesThe Toddler Code of Conduct: 20 Rules Toddlers Live By
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The Toddler Code of Conduct: 20 Rules Toddlers Live By
by Guest Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:05 am
After observing my toddler, and talking with other parents of toddlers, I am convinced that toddlers have the following Code of Conduct hardwired into their DNA.
1. You are the family alarm clock. It is your job to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn every day.
2. ALWAYS crap your pants AFTER leaving the house. Your best bet is to clench those cheeks together until you have left your street, and then EXPLODE!!! To achieve Legend status, do this when your parent is in a huge hurry to get somewhere very important.
3. Do not be content doing anything for more than two minutes. You have to constantly keep moving. NEVER SLOW DOWN!
4. If you are not interested in being picked up, get as low to the ground as possible. Think dead weight. Feel free to flail and cry for added difficulty.
5. If someone tries to take something from you, teach them a lesson by first throwing it, then jump up and down while making your best "oh you are going to be REALLY sorry," face, then fall to the floor and start flopping about in protest; scream and cry extra loud if you are in public.
6. If you do not like the food that is served to you, throw it on the ground in disgust, then at your parent, then at the cat/dog. For extra credit smash the remaining food into your hair and clothes. When you are given something to drink immediately dump it in your lap.
7. Whenever possible terrorize the family pets so they know who is in charge.
8. NEVER EVER let your parent get the house clean. EVER! Once something is picked up off the floor, put something in its place. A good rule of thumb is dumping out the cat/dog food daily. Feel free to snack on it as well.
9. You are in control of your sleep schedule. If you do not want to go to sleep, then don't, and if someone really wants you to go to sleep, then definitely do not do it. Do your best to get so tired that you become an evil miserable crying mess. That will show them!
10. Always do your best to be in the way, including but not limited to: playing at your parents' feet while they are cooking, cleaning, fixing something, talking on the phone, getting ready for work, or doing anything that looks remotely important.
11. Take ALL of your toys out of the toy box before playing with any of them. This goes for books, too -- rip all of them off the shelf before reading one. Your job is to make a huge mess. Hint: To keep things interesting, never ever play with the same toy or book for more than one minute.
12. Under no circumstance will you make diaper changes or potty training an easy venture. If poop does not get everywhere then you have failed.
13. Every time you leave the park throw a fit big enough to make it look like you are being kidnapped. If you are lucky, this will buy you five more minutes on the slide.
14. The minute you learn to walk, refuse to be held. Insist on walking EVERYWHERE!
15. The minute you learn to talk, DO NOT STOP! Do not be discouraged if you are not understood -- talk away anyway. It is not your fault if people are too stupid to understand you.
16. EVERYTHING in this world belongs to you. Feel free to touch it, take it, hide it, throw it, smash it, break it and completely ruin it. HINT: ALL of the telephones in the house belong to you -- store them in the toilet.
17. Your mantra is, "Catch me if you can you silly fool."
18. "No!" means, Good job! Keep doing that!
19. NEVER EVER do anything the first time you are asked.
20. And last -- the most important code of toddler conduct -- for every five minutes you spend terrorizing your parent(s), sibling(s) and/or pet(s), provide one minute of pure sweet lovin' to ensure complete forgiveness.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/april-mccormick/the-toddler-code-of-conduct-20-rules-toddlers-live-by_b_3784548.html
[ltr]Part II -- The Age Of Independence[/ltr]
[ltr]1. When your parent(s) appear to be having a deep conversation with another adult, announce that you have to poop. If you are still in diapers, extra credit awarded for grunting and straining to make it appear like you are trying to pass a brick.[/ltr]
[ltr]2. When being served a banana, if it breaks during the peeling process, REFUSE to eat it. Actually, make that the rule for anything that breaks before being served. Yes, even cookies.[/ltr]
[ltr]3. When out to eat, stand up in the booth, then turn around and stare at the person eating behind you for so long it becomes creepy.[/ltr]
[ltr]4. If someone tries to take something from you, make them sorry. Hold tight while flailing and screaming. If they manage to pry it out of your hands, channel the Incredible Hulk and explode on them.[/ltr]
[ltr]5. Potty Training (a.k.a The Great Chocolate Caper)... should NOT be easy for anyone involved. Well, unless chocolate and sweet treats are not your thing. The harder you make it, the longer you will get rewarded for crapping in the potty.[/ltr]
[ltr]6. MAKE A MESS! That is your mantra. Make the most of every opportunity to wreck the joint. Get creative. Go nuts. Think: Filthy Wild Mess. Make sure it's clear where you have been... Store your toys in the hall, in shoes, in the cat's/dog's bed, in the refrigerator, in the toilet, bathtub, front yard... anywhere but where your parents want them.
7. When you pass gas, laugh hysterically and then in your loudest voice announce, "HA HA I JUST FARTED." Legend status achieved if four or more people are present.[/ltr]
[ltr]8. Before you touch anything on your plate, demand the food off everyone else's first.[/ltr]
[ltr]9. Shoes, clothes and vegetables are stupid. Avoid them.[/ltr]
[ltr]10. DO NOT sleep in on the weekends. If the sun rises before you, then you have failed. If you do not see the tears in your parents' eyes when waking them up before dawn, then you have failed.
11. Life is one big game of tag. Everyone is "It." RUN FROM THEM! Use tables to play epic games of You Can't Catch Me by crawling under them and running around them.
12. When no one is looking, try something really naughty. Something like climbing on furniture, jumping on the bed, pulling a chair over to the counter to grab a knife, chasing the cat or dog. Something you are sure you will get yelled at for if caught. Live a little.[/ltr]
[ltr]13. While out for walks, stop every six inches to poke, pick up, drop or kick something. Every dog in the neighborhood should be lapping you on walks. Even the German shepherd that stops every foot to mark its territory.[/ltr]
[ltr]14. Repeat EVERY word you hear. Every. Single. One.[/ltr]
[ltr]15. This is the only time of your life when you can say bad words in public and not get in trouble. Remember, they think you are trying to say truck, duck, chip, bridge and ship. GO WITH IT! Drop "truck" bombs all over the place![/ltr]
[ltr]16. Phones and tablets were put on this Earth for you. Seek them out. Always.[/ltr]
[ltr]17. Act like a perfect little angel while in the care of others. Think all smiles through Pleases and Thank Yous and well-timed trips to the potty. It will keep your parents guessing and slightly annoyed.[/ltr]
[ltr]18. The backseat of the car is your domain. Mark it by creating a sea of Goldfish crackers. Feed the Goldfish juice and crumbs whenever possible.[/ltr]
[ltr]19. Before you play with your toys, play with everything else. Including, but not limited to, everything in the house that is repeatedly referred to as "not for you."[/ltr]
[ltr]20. Last, and most important, to keep Toddler Legend Perfect Little Angel status... at least once a week, WOW your parents with your undeniable wit and charm. One week, bust out the ABCs or The Itsy Bitsy Spider. Then, the next week, count to 10. In between, announce observations about your surroundings using words they have never heard you say before. Also, give kisses, hugs and cheeky grins and/or say "I WUV you" -- the latter if you think they are on to you.[/ltr]
[ltr]http://www.huffingtonpost.com/april-mccormick/the-toddler-code-of-conduct-part-ii-20-more-rules-toddlers-live-by_b_4965878.html?utm_hp_ref=good-news&ir=Good%20News[/ltr]
1. You are the family alarm clock. It is your job to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn every day.
2. ALWAYS crap your pants AFTER leaving the house. Your best bet is to clench those cheeks together until you have left your street, and then EXPLODE!!! To achieve Legend status, do this when your parent is in a huge hurry to get somewhere very important.
3. Do not be content doing anything for more than two minutes. You have to constantly keep moving. NEVER SLOW DOWN!
4. If you are not interested in being picked up, get as low to the ground as possible. Think dead weight. Feel free to flail and cry for added difficulty.
5. If someone tries to take something from you, teach them a lesson by first throwing it, then jump up and down while making your best "oh you are going to be REALLY sorry," face, then fall to the floor and start flopping about in protest; scream and cry extra loud if you are in public.
6. If you do not like the food that is served to you, throw it on the ground in disgust, then at your parent, then at the cat/dog. For extra credit smash the remaining food into your hair and clothes. When you are given something to drink immediately dump it in your lap.
7. Whenever possible terrorize the family pets so they know who is in charge.
8. NEVER EVER let your parent get the house clean. EVER! Once something is picked up off the floor, put something in its place. A good rule of thumb is dumping out the cat/dog food daily. Feel free to snack on it as well.
9. You are in control of your sleep schedule. If you do not want to go to sleep, then don't, and if someone really wants you to go to sleep, then definitely do not do it. Do your best to get so tired that you become an evil miserable crying mess. That will show them!
10. Always do your best to be in the way, including but not limited to: playing at your parents' feet while they are cooking, cleaning, fixing something, talking on the phone, getting ready for work, or doing anything that looks remotely important.
11. Take ALL of your toys out of the toy box before playing with any of them. This goes for books, too -- rip all of them off the shelf before reading one. Your job is to make a huge mess. Hint: To keep things interesting, never ever play with the same toy or book for more than one minute.
12. Under no circumstance will you make diaper changes or potty training an easy venture. If poop does not get everywhere then you have failed.
13. Every time you leave the park throw a fit big enough to make it look like you are being kidnapped. If you are lucky, this will buy you five more minutes on the slide.
14. The minute you learn to walk, refuse to be held. Insist on walking EVERYWHERE!
15. The minute you learn to talk, DO NOT STOP! Do not be discouraged if you are not understood -- talk away anyway. It is not your fault if people are too stupid to understand you.
16. EVERYTHING in this world belongs to you. Feel free to touch it, take it, hide it, throw it, smash it, break it and completely ruin it. HINT: ALL of the telephones in the house belong to you -- store them in the toilet.
17. Your mantra is, "Catch me if you can you silly fool."
18. "No!" means, Good job! Keep doing that!
19. NEVER EVER do anything the first time you are asked.
20. And last -- the most important code of toddler conduct -- for every five minutes you spend terrorizing your parent(s), sibling(s) and/or pet(s), provide one minute of pure sweet lovin' to ensure complete forgiveness.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/april-mccormick/the-toddler-code-of-conduct-20-rules-toddlers-live-by_b_3784548.html
[ltr]Part II -- The Age Of Independence[/ltr]
[ltr]1. When your parent(s) appear to be having a deep conversation with another adult, announce that you have to poop. If you are still in diapers, extra credit awarded for grunting and straining to make it appear like you are trying to pass a brick.[/ltr]
[ltr]2. When being served a banana, if it breaks during the peeling process, REFUSE to eat it. Actually, make that the rule for anything that breaks before being served. Yes, even cookies.[/ltr]
[ltr]3. When out to eat, stand up in the booth, then turn around and stare at the person eating behind you for so long it becomes creepy.[/ltr]
[ltr]4. If someone tries to take something from you, make them sorry. Hold tight while flailing and screaming. If they manage to pry it out of your hands, channel the Incredible Hulk and explode on them.[/ltr]
[ltr]5. Potty Training (a.k.a The Great Chocolate Caper)... should NOT be easy for anyone involved. Well, unless chocolate and sweet treats are not your thing. The harder you make it, the longer you will get rewarded for crapping in the potty.[/ltr]
[ltr]6. MAKE A MESS! That is your mantra. Make the most of every opportunity to wreck the joint. Get creative. Go nuts. Think: Filthy Wild Mess. Make sure it's clear where you have been... Store your toys in the hall, in shoes, in the cat's/dog's bed, in the refrigerator, in the toilet, bathtub, front yard... anywhere but where your parents want them.
7. When you pass gas, laugh hysterically and then in your loudest voice announce, "HA HA I JUST FARTED." Legend status achieved if four or more people are present.[/ltr]
[ltr]8. Before you touch anything on your plate, demand the food off everyone else's first.[/ltr]
[ltr]9. Shoes, clothes and vegetables are stupid. Avoid them.[/ltr]
[ltr]10. DO NOT sleep in on the weekends. If the sun rises before you, then you have failed. If you do not see the tears in your parents' eyes when waking them up before dawn, then you have failed.
11. Life is one big game of tag. Everyone is "It." RUN FROM THEM! Use tables to play epic games of You Can't Catch Me by crawling under them and running around them.
12. When no one is looking, try something really naughty. Something like climbing on furniture, jumping on the bed, pulling a chair over to the counter to grab a knife, chasing the cat or dog. Something you are sure you will get yelled at for if caught. Live a little.[/ltr]
[ltr]13. While out for walks, stop every six inches to poke, pick up, drop or kick something. Every dog in the neighborhood should be lapping you on walks. Even the German shepherd that stops every foot to mark its territory.[/ltr]
[ltr]14. Repeat EVERY word you hear. Every. Single. One.[/ltr]
[ltr]15. This is the only time of your life when you can say bad words in public and not get in trouble. Remember, they think you are trying to say truck, duck, chip, bridge and ship. GO WITH IT! Drop "truck" bombs all over the place![/ltr]
[ltr]16. Phones and tablets were put on this Earth for you. Seek them out. Always.[/ltr]
[ltr]17. Act like a perfect little angel while in the care of others. Think all smiles through Pleases and Thank Yous and well-timed trips to the potty. It will keep your parents guessing and slightly annoyed.[/ltr]
[ltr]18. The backseat of the car is your domain. Mark it by creating a sea of Goldfish crackers. Feed the Goldfish juice and crumbs whenever possible.[/ltr]
[ltr]19. Before you play with your toys, play with everything else. Including, but not limited to, everything in the house that is repeatedly referred to as "not for you."[/ltr]
[ltr]20. Last, and most important, to keep Toddler Legend Perfect Little Angel status... at least once a week, WOW your parents with your undeniable wit and charm. One week, bust out the ABCs or The Itsy Bitsy Spider. Then, the next week, count to 10. In between, announce observations about your surroundings using words they have never heard you say before. Also, give kisses, hugs and cheeky grins and/or say "I WUV you" -- the latter if you think they are on to you.[/ltr]
[ltr]http://www.huffingtonpost.com/april-mccormick/the-toddler-code-of-conduct-part-ii-20-more-rules-toddlers-live-by_b_4965878.html?utm_hp_ref=good-news&ir=Good%20News[/ltr]
Guest- Guest
Re: The Toddler Code of Conduct: 20 Rules Toddlers Live By
by Guest Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:10 am
....and yet we still love them 
Guest- Guest
Re: The Toddler Code of Conduct: 20 Rules Toddlers Live By
by Guest Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:13 am
feelthelove wrote:
Morning beautiful. xxx
Really made me chuckle that
Guest- Guest
Re: The Toddler Code of Conduct: 20 Rules Toddlers Live By
by Guest Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:19 am
Didge wrote:feelthelove wrote:
Morning beautiful. xxx
Really made me chuckle that
Morning Didge, hope you're well
xxxYou can't beat a toddler in a full blown tantrum, especially when they're not yours and you're at a safe distance
Guest- Guest
Re: The Toddler Code of Conduct: 20 Rules Toddlers Live By
by Guest Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:22 am
feelthelove wrote:Didge wrote:
Morning beautiful. xxx
Really made me chuckle that
Morning Didge, hope you're well
You can't beat a toddler in a full blown tantrum, especially when they're not yours and you're at a safe distance
I know, we have a few on here.
Am well thank you, hope you are too.
x
Guest- Guest
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