Sexual harassment.

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 12:23 pm

I have started a new thread about sexual harassment women (mostly) suffer throughout life.
The other thread was being taken off topic and I think this subject deserves a thread of it's own.

I bet most women could write a book on sexual harassment they suffered growing up, in the workplace, throughout life.

I know some jumped on the bandwagon a few years ago, complaining that some minor TV personality twanged their bra strap back in the 1960's and they need to be compensated for the trauma they still suffer because of it.

I don't include trivia like that....but when an adult male exposes himself to a woman...or even worse, a child (which I was) it could have a lasting effect.

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 12:27 pm

HoratioTarr wrote:

I'd like to be compensated from 1986 when Ray Plinkerton in Planning and Liquor Licensing pinched my arse so hard it left a bruise, the sexist pig! A claim against all those ghastly common workmen who whistled and jeered at me every time I tottered past on my stilettoes at lunchtime. And if I had a pound for every flasher who flashed his tinkywinkleton at me as a kid, I've be rubbing shoulders with Harry and Meghan by now.

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 12:29 pm

HoratioTarr wrote:

I'd like to be compensated from 1986 when Ray Plinkerton in Planning and Liquor Licensing pinched my arse so hard it left a bruise, the sexist pig! A claim against all those ghastly common workmen who whistled and jeered at me every time I tottered past on my stilettoes at lunchtime. And if I had a pound for every flasher who flashed his tinkywinkleton at me as a kid, I've be rubbing shoulders with Harry and Meghan by now.
[/quote]

I would only have £2. Sad

One for when a really weird old man exposed himself and swung his horrible flacid willy around as he walked towards me.
I was only a kid , and as i grew up in an all female household it was quite disturbing.

The second was some weirdo in Spain, he kept pulling his car up and masturbating as I walked past. That one didn't bother me as much.

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 12:34 pm

Horatio Tarr wrote...

I don't think most men realise what girls and women have to go through. I guess they have their own set of problems with growing up and being young. But the sexual harassment both in the workplace and in every day life was truly terrible when I look back.

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 12:44 pm

Having brought a son up and had a good hand in bringing two grandsons up, I think respect for women has to be taught from an early age in the home.

I do think the majority of men are not guilty of overstepping the line but there have always been enough sex pests around to make up the difference.
They all too often get away with it because society has always accepted it to a degree.
Maybe (hopefully) less so nowadays.

by Maddog Wed Jan 27, 2021 2:37 pm

I think the worse part of harassment is the power difference that can exist. I never worried about my daughters having some random guy say something or try to put a hand where they shouldn't. They could handle that crap.

I worried about the boss who has power over them making them uncomfortable every day. Or a cop.

As I raised girls in a later time than Syl and Horatio grew up and would like to think, that they could handle the random dick head as long as the power balance was pretty equal.

by Maddog Wed Jan 27, 2021 2:46 pm

Why did you start a thread about John Doe? Shocked

by Vintage Wed Jan 27, 2021 3:52 pm

It twists you up and can stay with you. I can still remember with a shudder all the times I've have felt scared or humiliated, there have been times as well when I could tell some idiot where to go.
From almost getting cornered by the village pervert at age 8 to the horrible proposition by a well know local business man, friend of magistrates, the local MP and a hunt master with the local hunt, that was aged 14. When I wouldn't go with him one day he said if I didn't meet him voluntarily, he'd just wait until I was on my own one day and bundle me into his van. He said this in front of my friends but who would believe us. The whole of the next year I made sure I was never alone and took a fairly large knife everywhere. The rest was just inappropriate comments by work colleagues, just can't understand why they think its ok. I once banned a man from the pub I used to help out in for making crude remarks about me, that felt good, the locals were thinking to sort him out themselves so I threw him out instead. Mind you both these were dyed in the wool perverts and not the general offensive idiots.

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 4:49 pm

Maddog wrote:I think the worse part of harassment is the power difference that can exist. I never worried about my daughters having some random guy say something or try to put a hand where they shouldn't. They could handle that crap.

I worried about the boss who has power over them making them uncomfortable every day. Or a cop.

As I raised girls in a later time than Syl and Horatio grew up and would like to think, that they could handle the random dick head as long as the power balance was pretty equal.

By the time I was 18 I could pretty much deal with whatever came along.
The flasher thing was when I was about 12, and it did scare me because as I said, I grew up in an all female household.
On a lighter note I do remember when I was about 16, (still very innocent) I saw a pic in my older sisters book of a man with an erection.
I thought he was deformed or something. Laughing

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 4:54 pm

Maddog wrote:Why did you start a thread about John Doe?

Aww....he is pretty harmless. Laughing

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 5:02 pm

Vintage wrote:It twists you up and can stay with you. I can still remember with a shudder all the times I've have felt scared or humiliated, there have been times as well when I could tell some idiot where to go.
From almost getting cornered by the village pervert at age 8 to the horrible proposition by a well know local business man, friend of magistrates, the local MP and a hunt master with the local hunt, that was aged 14. When I wouldn't go with him one day he said if I didn't meet him voluntarily, he'd just wait until I was on my own one day and bundle me into his van. He said this in front of my friends but who would believe us. The whole of the next year I made sure I was never alone and took a fairly large knife everywhere. The rest was just inappropriate comments by work colleagues, just can't understand why they think its ok. I once banned a man from the pub I used to help out in for making crude remarks about me, that felt good, the locals were thinking to sort him out themselves so I threw him out instead. Mind you both these were dyed in the wool perverts and not the general offensive idiots.

Did you tell your parents about the two paedophiles, one who actually threatened you with sexual violence?
Those are really serious offences.
I think when men like this approach kids they rely on them being too scared to speak out...and they get away with it.
It's horrible that you went through that when you were so young.

Vintage, I worked in nightclubs for years, oddly enough there were very few occasions when anyone spoke to me inappropriately (I think they were scared to Razz

) One boss tried to take advantage, that still makes me shudder.

Outside of work I have had my fair share of creeps. A couple of slapped faces and a quick put down has usually worked.

by Original Quill Wed Jan 27, 2021 6:56 pm

Vintage wrote:The whole of the next year I made sure I was never alone and took a fairly large knife everywhere.

Even this defensive act—carrying a fairly large knife—could get you shot, if you were a member of another disenfranchised group. See, "Narrative before facts" in General News, US and Canada, above.

But, since you are not black, and would be believed, I agree with Syl that you should have gone to the police when threats like that are made…with witnesses, no less!

That's not sexual harassment, but outright assault.

by Vintage Wed Jan 27, 2021 8:13 pm

Later I realised I should have spoken up but at the time being a child on the first occasion I was too scared to speak out, as a young teenager I'd heard of what happens in court etc
and considering his connections I was again too scared, although I often think I should have done something because of who else they may have successfully targeted, I feel bad about that.

by Original Quill Wed Jan 27, 2021 8:26 pm

Thank god they are encouraging kids to speak up today.

by Maddog Wed Jan 27, 2021 8:59 pm

Syl wrote:
Maddog wrote:Why did you start a thread about John Doe?

Aww....he is pretty harmless.

Yeah, and I feel like forums are his only real interaction with people, so I give him some slack. I don't think he has a social life that includes any females.

by Maddog Wed Jan 27, 2021 9:00 pm

Syl wrote:
Maddog wrote:I think the worse part of harassment is the power difference that can exist. I never worried about my daughters having some random guy say something or try to put a hand where they shouldn't. They could handle that crap.

I worried about the boss who has power over them making them uncomfortable every day. Or a cop.

As I raised girls in a later time than Syl and Horatio grew up and would like to think, that they could handle the random dick head as long as the power balance was pretty equal.

By the time I was 18 I could pretty much deal with whatever came along.
The flasher thing was when I was about 12, and it did scare me because as I said, I grew up in an all female household.
On a lighter note I do remember when I was about 16, (still very innocent) I saw a pic in my older sisters book of a man with an erection.
I thought he was deformed or something.

Yeah, when it's kids it's child abuse, that's even worse.

by HoratioTarr Wed Jan 27, 2021 9:49 pm

Syl wrote:
Maddog wrote:I think the worse part of harassment is the power difference that can exist. I never worried about my daughters having some random guy say something or try to put a hand where they shouldn't. They could handle that crap.

I worried about the boss who has power over them making them uncomfortable every day. Or a cop.

As I raised girls in a later time than Syl and Horatio grew up and would like to think, that they could handle the random dick head as long as the power balance was pretty equal.

By the time I was 18 I could pretty much deal with whatever came along.
The flasher thing was when I was about 12, and it did scare me because as I said, I grew up in an all female household.
On a lighter note I do remember when I was about 16, (still very innocent) I saw a pic in my older sisters book of a man with an erection.
I thought he was deformed or something.

I grew up with three brothers....so a winkie was no mystery to me.

by HoratioTarr Wed Jan 27, 2021 9:55 pm

Syl wrote:I have started a new thread about sexual harassment women (mostly) suffer throughout life.
The other thread was being taken off topic and I think this subject deserves a thread of it's own.

I bet most women could write a book on sexual harassment they suffered growing up, in the workplace, throughout life.

I know some jumped on the bandwagon a few years ago, complaining that some minor TV personality twanged their bra strap back in the 1960's and they need to be compensated for the trauma they still suffer because of it.

I don't include trivia like that....but when an adult male exposes himself to a woman...or even worse, a child (which I was) it could have a lasting effect.

What drives a man to do this? I never could get my head around why some bloke thinks its normal to take his dick out and wave it at young girls or women. I'm guessing it's to shock...to get a kick out of seeing the horror and fear on their faces.

by Original Quill Wed Jan 27, 2021 10:22 pm

HoratioTarr wrote:
Syl wrote:I have started a new thread about sexual harassment women (mostly) suffer throughout life.
The other thread was being taken off topic and I think this subject deserves a thread of it's own.

I bet most women could write a book on sexual harassment they suffered growing up, in the workplace, throughout life.

I know some jumped on the bandwagon a few years ago, complaining that some minor TV personality twanged their bra strap back in the 1960's and they need to be compensated for the trauma they still suffer because of it.

I don't include trivia like that....but when an adult male exposes himself to a woman...or even worse, a child (which I was) it could have a lasting effect.

What drives a man to do this? I never could get my head around why some bloke thinks its normal to take his dick out and wave it at young girls or women. I'm guessing it's to shock...to get a kick out of seeing the horror and fear on their faces.

That, and the attention, I would guess. But why does a grown man require any kind of judgmental response from a child?

by Vintage Wed Jan 27, 2021 10:59 pm

Travelling on a crowded tube could be quite off putting, I soon learned to carry a large bag and umbrella (the collapsible kind) and if I couldn't sit down I'd make sure I had my back to a compartment divider with my trusty bag and umbrella in front of me. Otherwise the bag was slung around to cover my side or backside while keeping the umbrella at the ready and there was always the sudden step back (with heels of course) onto their toes when required.

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:20 pm

Vintage wrote:Travelling on a crowded tube could be quite off putting, I soon learned to carry a large bag and umbrella (the collapsible kind) and if I couldn't sit down I'd make sure I had my back to a compartment divider with my trusty bag and umbrella in front of me. Otherwise the bag was slung around to cover my side or backside while keeping the umbrella at the ready and there was always the sudden step back (with heels of course) onto their toes when required.

It's wrong that females have to have a planned line of defence in case some creep tries to take advantage. I think as women become more aware it becomes second nature.....and well done you for having that available deadly weapon so innocently to hand....or foot. Razz

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:26 pm

HoratioTarr wrote:
Syl wrote:I have started a new thread about sexual harassment women (mostly) suffer throughout life.
The other thread was being taken off topic and I think this subject deserves a thread of it's own.

I bet most women could write a book on sexual harassment they suffered growing up, in the workplace, throughout life.

I know some jumped on the bandwagon a few years ago, complaining that some minor TV personality twanged their bra strap back in the 1960's and they need to be compensated for the trauma they still suffer because of it.

I don't include trivia like that....but when an adult male exposes himself to a woman...or even worse, a child (which I was) it could have a lasting effect.

What drives a man to do this? I never could get my head around why some bloke thinks its normal to take his dick out and wave it at young girls or women. I'm guessing it's to shock...to get a kick out of seeing the horror and fear on their faces.

Flashers are sick, but when they do this to kids they surely must have some kind of paedophile tendencies.

by Vintage Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:29 pm

A group of us were coming back from the cinema one evening, all girls, there were already a few women in the compartment, the train was stopped in the station for awhile, when suddenly in comes this man with his tackle in hand, there was a bit of a stunned silence then someone laughed, whether this was amusement or nervousness I don't know but next thing we were all laughing and giggling, he looked totally bemused and got back off
the train. He was a stereotypical flasher, dirty raincoat and all.

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:40 pm

To humiliate a man in those circumstances is a good tactic. Twisted Evil

by Original Quill Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:53 pm

And take a picture with your cell phone. It's evidence of a crime in real time. Tell him you want something to remember him by... Laughing

by Syl Wed Jan 27, 2021 11:57 pm

Original Quill wrote:And take a picture with your cell phone. It's evidence of a crime in real time. Tell him you want something to remember him by...

Another good put down would be to get your glasses out, a magnifying glass would be even better if you had one handy. Razz

by eddie Sat Jan 30, 2021 10:26 pm

Hmmmm, depends on what one calls “sexual harassment”.

A man whistling at you? NOT sexual harassment.
A colleague pinching your arse? NOT appropriate and worthy of a complaint.

The trouble is, some women like to be admired and wear clothes to showcase their best assets and then get pissed off when men respond! I’m not saying they deserve to be touched sexually but a whistle or a compliment? Fuck off! It’s hardly damaging to be whistled at.

by Syl Sat Jan 30, 2021 11:07 pm

I agree, men whistle, ogle, leer, a woman can either respond or ignore, the worse thing that can happen is it can make the woman feel uncomfortable, but it's not sexual harassment.

by eddie Sat Jan 30, 2021 11:16 pm

Syl wrote:I agree, men whistle, ogle, leer, a woman can either respond or ignore, the worse thing that can happen is it can make the woman feel uncomfortable, but it's not sexual harassment.

Call me a non-feminist or whatever, but I like a compliment or two from a man. I get them at work from customers and unless they’re leery, I’ll just say thanks and take it as a nice comment.

I had a guy say to me the other day “You really have amazing eyes, you know that?” I simply replied “Pffff in the morning I look like my dead grandmother!”

It made him laugh. He wasn’t being leery or sexual he just seemed genuine and pleasant.

by Ben Reilly Sat Jan 30, 2021 11:21 pm

I'm going to say something men rarely say, for whatever reasons, but as a guy who's at least attractive enough to land a hottie like eddie -- I've gotten unwelcome sexual attention from plenty of women; it does work both ways.

Sexual harrassment is really only a legitimate complaint when it's messing with your career or it's assault.

by Syl Sat Jan 30, 2021 11:24 pm

Couldn't agree more.

Some women can have skewed reasoning when it comes to sexual harassment.
The 'Me too' movement a few years ago really annoyed me. Some women were holding court about how some celebrity or other looked at them the wrong way 30 years ago and it had emotionally traumatised them, Rolling Eyes

....all that trivia belittles real sexual harassment, which most women have dealt with at one point in their lives.

by Syl Sat Jan 30, 2021 11:31 pm

Ben Reilly wrote:I'm going to say something men rarely say, for whatever reasons, but as a guy who's at least attractive enough to land a hottie like eddie -- I've gotten unwelcome sexual attention from plenty of women; it does work both ways.

Sexual harrassment is really only a legitimate complaint when it's messing with your career or it's assault.

Undoubtedly men can be sexually harassed as well as women.

I think maybe one difference is oftentimes there can be fear when a woman is being sexually harassed....the 'how far will he go' worry, especially if a woman is alone.

I can think of several occasions when I have brushed comments and actions off, and only later thought......blimey, that was a bit much. Shocked

by gelico Sat Jan 30, 2021 11:40 pm

Ben Reilly wrote:I'm going to say something men rarely say, for whatever reasons, but as a guy who's at least attractive enough to land a hottie like eddie -- I've gotten unwelcome sexual attention from plenty of women; it does work both ways.

Sexual harrassment is really only a legitimate complaint when it's messing with your career or it's assault.

firstly eddie has weird taste

also don't confuse sympathy with sexual attention

fucking hell, i am rocking bitch mode tonight cheers

love you to bits really ben

by Syl Sat Jan 30, 2021 11:45 pm

gelico wrote:
Ben Reilly wrote:I'm going to say something men rarely say, for whatever reasons, but as a guy who's at least attractive enough to land a hottie like eddie -- I've gotten unwelcome sexual attention from plenty of women; it does work both ways.

Sexual harrassment is really only a legitimate complaint when it's messing with your career or it's assault.

firstly eddie has weird taste

also don't confuse sympathy with sexual attention

fucking hell, i am rocking bitch mode tonight

love you to bits really ben

by eddie Sat Jan 30, 2021 11:46 pm

gelico wrote:
Ben Reilly wrote:I'm going to say something men rarely say, for whatever reasons, but as a guy who's at least attractive enough to land a hottie like eddie -- I've gotten unwelcome sexual attention from plenty of women; it does work both ways.

Sexual harrassment is really only a legitimate complaint when it's messing with your career or it's assault.

firstly eddie has weird taste

also don't confuse sympathy with sexual attention

fucking hell, i am rocking bitch mode tonight

love you to bits really ben

Hey! He’s a very attractive man! He’s right up my street.
And I love your humour....that’s also right up my street.

by gelico Sun Jan 31, 2021 12:08 am

eddie wrote:
gelico wrote:

firstly eddie has weird taste

also don't confuse sympathy with sexual attention

fucking hell, i am rocking bitch mode tonight

love you to bits really ben

Hey! He’s a very attractive man! He’s right up my street.

I understand that he is

it's better when they get right up your alley

Cool

by eddie Sun Jan 31, 2021 12:10 am

gelico wrote:
eddie wrote:
gelico wrote:

firstly eddie has weird taste

also don't confuse sympathy with sexual attention

fucking hell, i am rocking bitch mode tonight

love you to bits really ben

Hey! He’s a very attractive man! He’s right up my street.

I understand that he is

it's better when they get right up your alley

Oh you naughty girl.

But yeah, alleys are way more interesting than streets. Razz

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