NewsFix
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Sat Nov 07, 2020 10:21 pm

For a more healthy relationship to yourself, you may consider these questions when you find yourself in a debate with another.
Just something for us all to consider, especially on a forum.



Why did I react the way I did?

Did my reaction help me or harm me?

How does this situation fit into the big picture? How will I feel about it in an hour? A week? A year?

What may I have misunderstood or be getting wrong, especially in the heat of the moment?

What would I change if I could do it again?

What could I say to myself next time that would help me think more clearly?


_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by HoratioTarr on Tue Nov 10, 2020 11:19 am

Fuck off you nosy bastard, to all of those, I'm afraid.
HoratioTarr
HoratioTarr

Posts : 9654
Join date : 2014-01-12

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Vintage on Tue Nov 10, 2020 4:21 pm

If you are thinking clearly enough to ask those questions I doubt behavioural change would be required.

Vintage

Posts : 2537
Join date : 2013-08-02

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:30 pm

Vintage wrote:If you are thinking clearly enough to ask those questions I doubt behavioural change would be required.

I don’t see your line of thinking on this. Can you explain?

_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Vintage on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:34 pm

Not sure I can but if you are aware enough to ask yourself those questions surely you already have a healthy relationship with yourself, its a bit different if someone has to prompt you to ask yourself such questions or indeed ask those questions of you..

Vintage

Posts : 2537
Join date : 2013-08-02

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Ben Reilly on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:36 pm

I see what you're saying, Vintage. It's something eddie and I talk about a lot -- that when you get caught up in an emotional state, it can be hard to pull back and ask yourself questions like these.

_________________
“Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated.”

– George Bernard Shaw
Ben Reilly
Ben Reilly
Cowboy King. Dread Pirate of the Guadalupe. Robin Hood of Epping Forest. Fifty Shades of Cray.

Posts : 29507
Join date : 2013-01-19
Age : 45
Location : London metropolitan area

http://www.newsfixboard.com

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Ben Reilly on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:41 pm

A problem I've had all my life is that in heated moments, my perspective goes to shit and the matter at hand is all I can think about. It's like my focus narrows to a pinpoint, and I lose sight of the larger perspective.

It's something I've had to work at, and I still can't always do it. But on the other hand ...

Why would someone ever stop trying to gain a deeper understanding of themselves, and with that, greater control of their reactions?

I've loved this song since I was in my teens, "Old and Wise" by Alan Parsons Project, especially this line:

"And oh, when I'm old and wise
Heavy words that tossed and blew me
Like autumn winds, will blow right through me"

I want to be like that, get to the point that words that once tossed and blew me will blow right through me.

_________________
“Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated.”

– George Bernard Shaw
Ben Reilly
Ben Reilly
Cowboy King. Dread Pirate of the Guadalupe. Robin Hood of Epping Forest. Fifty Shades of Cray.

Posts : 29507
Join date : 2013-01-19
Age : 45
Location : London metropolitan area

http://www.newsfixboard.com

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:45 pm

Ben Reilly wrote:I see what you're saying, Vintage. It's something eddie and I talk about a lot -- that when you get caught up in an emotional state, it can be hard to pull back and ask yourself questions like these.

Yes that’s exactly it. It’s when our raw emotional state is elevated ie anger, that we find we lose sight of these questions.

_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Didgee on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:48 pm

eddie wrote:For a more healthy relationship to yourself, you may consider these questions when you find yourself in a debate with another.
Just something for us all to consider, especially on a forum.



Why did I react the way I did?


Phil wrote:Because you allowed yourself to be emotionally compromised


Did my reaction help me or harm me?


Phil wrote:Selfish, why think of yourself first here and not the effect it may have had on the person you debated?
Why not think about how you both may feel here


How does this situation fit into the big picture? How will I feel about it in an hour? A week? A year?


Phil wrote:Selfish thoughts again and is a view of not placing closure on this. If you have not resolve the situation sooner than later. This allows this to fester. Hence never learning and why people will maybe think about this even years later. Again how will the other person feel also?


What may I have misunderstood or be getting wrong, especially in the heat of the moment?


Phil wrote:How can anyone answer a question like that without context?


What would I change if I could do it again?


Phil wrote: By being open, to the others point of view, even if you disagree


What could I say to myself next time that would help me think more clearly?




To stop over thinking everthing

Didgee

Posts : 513
Join date : 2020-06-09

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Vintage on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:51 pm

Ah right, see what you mean. I try very hard not to get too caught up like that, I usually see most views before I say much, I put it down to being a Libran and I dislike saying something that will make a person feel bad, sometimes though I just might get caught in the moment and say something which I then regret for weeks, if not forever.

Vintage

Posts : 2537
Join date : 2013-08-02

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Didgee on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:54 pm

I mean nobody is perfect and no matter who you are and the temperament you have

You will always be who you are

Everyone has buttons that can be pressed

The key is learning to try and not react when things bother us

Its learning to control this and thus enable us to then be open and listen more to what people are saying

Its when things matter to us all personally. That we can allow ourselves to lose control emotionally

The point is recognising when we do fuck up or get annoyed

It shows we are learning when we do

Didgee

Posts : 513
Join date : 2020-06-09

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:54 pm

Vintage wrote:Ah right, see what you mean. I try very hard not to get too caught up like that, I usually see most views before I say much, I put it down to being a Libran and I dislike saying something that will make a person feel bad, sometimes though I just might get caught in the moment and say something which I then regret for weeks, if not forever.

I’m quite like that too. Librans are always fair and weigh things up. I have a lot of libra in my chart.
Anyway, glad you understood the context of the list.

_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:56 pm

Didgee wrote:I mean nobody is perfect and no matter who you are and the temperament you have

You will always be who you are

Everyone has buttons that can be pressed

The key is learning to try and not react when things bother us

Its learning to control this and thus enable us to then be open and listen more to what people are saying

Its when things matter to us all personally. That we can allow ourselves to lose control emotionally

The point is recognising when we do fuck up or get annoyed

It shows we are learning when we do

That’s exactly what the context of that list was in the OP.

_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Didgee likes this post

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Didgee on Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:58 pm

eddie wrote:
Didgee wrote:I mean nobody is perfect and no matter who you are and the temperament you have

You will always be who you are

Everyone has buttons that can be pressed

The key is learning to try and not react when things bother us

Its learning to control this and thus enable us to then be open and listen more to what people are saying

Its when things matter to us all personally. That we can allow ourselves to lose control emotionally

The point is recognising when we do fuck up or get annoyed

It shows we are learning when we do

That’s exactly what the context of that list was in the OP.


Really, yeah that is just shit right and bollocks, blah blah blah

Oh you were in agreement..... lol!

Didgee

Posts : 513
Join date : 2020-06-09

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:03 pm

It’s a good set of questions to ask oneself when one has lost control. Anger is a good example of that.

I really don’t anger easily. I tend to remove myself from anger. Nothing gets solved in the midst of anger.

_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Vintage on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:04 pm

I am plagued with asking myself those questions I've always seen it as a bit character flaw.
I didn't think a confident, well rounded, compassionate person would need to ask themselves such things, I am compassionate but not the other two. I have also learnt to be very careful what I say especially dealing with people I don't know at work and that so it rubs off in private and already being that way it does become something of a burden.

Vintage

Posts : 2537
Join date : 2013-08-02

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Didgee on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:04 pm

eddie wrote:It’s a good set of questions to ask oneself when one has lost control. Anger is a good example of that.

I really don’t anger easily. I tend to remove myself from anger. Nothing gets solved in the midst of anger.


Did you miss my earlier reply Eddie?

You are most controlled than most

Its rare to see you get angry

In fact I am one of the few people to bare the brunt of that and deserved it

Didgee

Posts : 513
Join date : 2020-06-09

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:05 pm

Vintage wrote:I am plagued with asking myself those questions I've always seen it as a bit character flaw.
I didn't think a confident, well rounded, compassionate person would need to ask themselves such things, I am compassionate but not the other two. I have also learnt to be very careful what I say especially dealing with people I don't know at work and that so it rubs off in private and already being that way it does become something of a burden.

I would say you are a pretty well-rounded person.

_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:07 pm

Didgee wrote:
eddie wrote:It’s a good set of questions to ask oneself when one has lost control. Anger is a good example of that.

I really don’t anger easily. I tend to remove myself from anger. Nothing gets solved in the midst of anger.


Did you miss my earlier reply Eddie?

You are most controlled than most

Its rare to see you get angry

In fact I am one of the few people to bare the brunt of that and deserved it

Well, you often admit when you are wrong (when you’ve said things on anger) and I don’t hold grudges against you. I kinda like you actually. Razz

_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Didgee likes this post

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Didgee on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:08 pm

eddie wrote:
Didgee wrote:


Did you miss my earlier reply Eddie?

You are most controlled than most

Its rare to see you get angry

In fact I am one of the few people to bare the brunt of that and deserved it

Well, you often admit when you are wrong (when you’ve said things on anger) and I don’t hold grudges against you. I kinda like you actually. Razz


lol, I get angry but admit being a dick, but do not hold a grudge

I just need to walk away  Laughing

Didgee

Posts : 513
Join date : 2020-06-09

Ben Reilly and eddie like this post

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Vintage on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:08 pm

Well rounded in a square world maybe. Makes a change from a square peg in a round hole I suppose! I'm not one of those that fits in easily in this world of ours.

Vintage

Posts : 2537
Join date : 2013-08-02

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:09 pm

Vintage wrote:Well rounded in a square world maybe. Makes a change from a square peg in a round hole I suppose! I'm not one of those that fits in easily in this world of ours.

Neither am I my darling, neither am I. I love you

_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Ben Reilly on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:10 pm

Vintage wrote:I am plagued with asking myself those questions I've always seen it as a bit character flaw.
I didn't think a confident, well rounded, compassionate person would need to ask themselves such things, I am compassionate but not the other two. I have also learnt to be very careful what I say especially dealing with people I don't know at work and that so it rubs off in private and already being that way it does become something of a burden.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking oneself such questions, and I don't think it makes you less confident or compassionate.

We all have our blind spots. Asking yourself if there's something you might have missed, or could have done better, doesn't mean you lack confidence or compassion. In fact, I think if you never ask yourself whether you could have been more understanding, or reacted better, that you're not truly compassionate, and that your confidence is actually arrogance.

Truly confident people can easily admit to screwing up. If you have trouble admitting when you've made a mistake, you have a fragile ego and no real confidence in yourself.

Of course, I may be completely wrong Smile

_________________
“Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated.”

– George Bernard Shaw
Ben Reilly
Ben Reilly
Cowboy King. Dread Pirate of the Guadalupe. Robin Hood of Epping Forest. Fifty Shades of Cray.

Posts : 29507
Join date : 2013-01-19
Age : 45
Location : London metropolitan area

http://www.newsfixboard.com

eddie and Didgee like this post

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Vintage on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:13 pm

eddie wrote:
Vintage wrote:Well rounded in a square world maybe. Makes a change from a square peg in a round hole I suppose! I'm not one of those that fits in easily in this world of ours.

Neither am I my darling, neither am I. I love you
Although I realise there are others who march to a different beat in this world its nice to know you do too.

Vintage

Posts : 2537
Join date : 2013-08-02

eddie and Didgee like this post

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by eddie on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:16 pm

Vintage wrote:
eddie wrote:
Vintage wrote:Well rounded in a square world maybe. Makes a change from a square peg in a round hole I suppose! I'm not one of those that fits in easily in this world of ours.

Neither am I my darling, neither am I. I love you
Although I realise there are others who march to a different beat in this world its nice to know you do too.


Hahahahahahahaha I’ve learned to shut up most of the time. Not everyone is ready for my mental state and odd way of thinking...though it did get me a rather unique position in my workplace.

Vintage. Don’t you change lady! The world needs you.

_________________
”Do I contradict myself? Very well; I contradict myself. I am vast, I contain multitudes”
~ Walt Whitman
eddie
eddie
King of Beards. Keeper of the Whip. Top Chef. BEES!!!!!! Mushroom muncher. Spider aficionado!

Posts : 41608
Join date : 2013-07-28
Age : 21
Location : England

Didgee likes this post

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Didgee on Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:19 pm

Ben Reilly wrote:
Vintage wrote:I am plagued with asking myself those questions I've always seen it as a bit character flaw.
I didn't think a confident, well rounded, compassionate person would need to ask themselves such things, I am compassionate but not the other two. I have also learnt to be very careful what I say especially dealing with people I don't know at work and that so it rubs off in private and already being that way it does become something of a burden.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking oneself such questions, and I don't think it makes you less confident or compassionate.

We all have our blind spots. Asking yourself if there's something you might have missed, or could have done better, doesn't mean you lack confidence or compassion. In fact, I think if you never ask yourself whether you could have been more understanding, or reacted better, that you're not truly compassionate, and that your confidence is actually arrogance.

Truly confident people can easily admit to screwing up. If you have trouble admitting when you've made a mistake, you have a fragile ego and no real confidence in yourself.

Of course, I may be completely wrong Smile


Its a deliberately personal lie intended to get at someone, that makes people more react than anything

They have allowed the debate to digress and allow personal insults to take control of them

There is only one individual I have never seen react to this

That is Cass

Didgee

Posts : 513
Join date : 2020-06-09

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Ben Reilly on Mon Nov 23, 2020 4:36 pm

That gets under my skin, too. I find it far easier to tolerate the kind of comment that shows someone simply doesn't understand what I'm saying than I do when I think they're saying something they know is wrong about what I'm saying, just to wind me up.

I have a friend who's pretty much constantly on a wind-up and I actually think he's helped me learn to tolerate people trying to get under my skin Smile

_________________
“Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated.”

– George Bernard Shaw
Ben Reilly
Ben Reilly
Cowboy King. Dread Pirate of the Guadalupe. Robin Hood of Epping Forest. Fifty Shades of Cray.

Posts : 29507
Join date : 2013-01-19
Age : 45
Location : London metropolitan area

http://www.newsfixboard.com

Back to top Go down

 Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change Empty Re: Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum