Stupid Christmas

by eddie Mon Dec 05, 2016 4:41 pm

Bought a real tree left it in the garden and it rained.
Soggy tree.
Put the lights on it and they blew up

What the actual fuck?

I've decided to have a naked tree then in honour of all trees everywhere that don't wish to be adorned.

On a brighter note, due to this new rage for glitter armpits, I've decided to fake snow my lady parts.

Stupid Christmas Img_5529

.....

by Original Quill Mon Dec 05, 2016 4:43 pm

Um...and the other parts?

I didn't even know this was a thing. How/when did it start?

by eddie Mon Dec 05, 2016 4:52 pm

No idea Quill. But at least when they sweat, there will be glitter rain.

by magica Mon Dec 05, 2016 5:29 pm

Yuk cant think of anything so irritating to the skin.

by Syl Mon Dec 05, 2016 5:50 pm

Blimey...what next?
I don't care what anyone says or what the latest fashion is...underarm hair on women looks GROSS.

by eddie Mon Dec 05, 2016 7:53 pm

Forget the bejazzled pits. What about my bare naked tree?

by Syl Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:05 pm

The rain shouldn't harm your tree.....the lights probably got wet or something.
Let the tree dry out and try again.

Stupid Christmas Christmas-tree-smiley-emoticon

by eddie Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:09 pm

I stuck it back in the garden. It irritated me.

by Syl Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:15 pm

eddie wrote:I stuck it back in the garden. It irritated me.

It's probably happy there. Cool

In the past we have planted 2 Christmas trees after they have been inside for Christmas. One we dug up after a couple of years and gave to the local school. The other is still there, it's been a tree den for grandkids and is now taller than the house.

We had a neighbour (since moved) who asked me one year how I had managed to grow on my Christmas trees...he had planted his but it had just died. When I went to have a look, he had planted a tree without roots....just stuck the wooden block into some soil and hoped it would grow. Rolling Eyes

by eddie Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:24 pm

Sounds like something I would do tbh.

by Syl Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:27 pm

eddie wrote:Sounds like something I would do tbh.

by Victorismyhero Mon Dec 05, 2016 9:57 pm

eddie wrote:Bought a real tree left it in the garden and it rained.
Soggy tree.
Put the lights on it and they blew up

What the actual fuck?

I've decided to have a naked tree then in honour of all trees everywhere that don't wish to be adorned.

On a brighter note, due to this new rage for glitter armpits, I've decided to fake snow my lady parts.

.....

post a pic...I DARE you.... Razz

by eddie Mon Dec 05, 2016 11:24 pm

Something for your chilly nights Vic. Early Christmas present...she will be over later.

Stupid Christmas Img_5530

by eddie Fri Dec 09, 2016 2:35 pm

eddie wrote:I stuck it back in the garden. It irritated me.

Update: the tree is still in the garden and I think it's grown bigger in the rain Shocked

by Syl Fri Dec 09, 2016 2:48 pm

eddie wrote:
eddie wrote:I stuck it back in the garden. It irritated me.

Update: the tree is still in the garden and I think it's grown bigger in the rain

Has it still got it's roots?

by eddie Fri Dec 09, 2016 2:54 pm

Syl wrote:
eddie wrote:
eddie wrote:I stuck it back in the garden. It irritated me.

Update: the tree is still in the garden and I think it's grown bigger in the rain

Has it still got it's roots?

How would I know? Rolling Eyes

It's got a piece of wood at the bottom.

Stupid Christmas Img_5611

by Syl Fri Dec 09, 2016 2:56 pm

Pity....it might have landed on Wolf's head. Razz

No it has no roots...so if it's grown the wood has probably swelled in the rain. Wink

by Syl Fri Dec 09, 2016 2:58 pm

You edited your post about the pic being upside down....now my post doesn't make sense. Rolling Eyes

by eddie Fri Dec 09, 2016 3:53 pm

Syl wrote:You edited your post about the pic being upside down....now my post doesn't make sense.

Hahahahahaha it was upside down then it turned the right way up by Christmas magic.

by eddie Fri Dec 09, 2016 3:54 pm

That ain't a toilet in the back of my garden btw, it's a shed

by nicko Fri Dec 09, 2016 4:03 pm

Looks like wolfies "dunny"

by 'Wolfie Fri Dec 09, 2016 4:57 pm

nicko wrote:
Looks like wolfies "dunny"

My grandparents still had an "outsde dunny" up until the early 1980s...

There are still a few outlying towns and villages that don't have central sewerage services laid on

by nicko Fri Dec 09, 2016 5:09 pm

That's where those nasty spiders hide isn't it?

by 'Wolfie Fri Dec 09, 2016 5:27 pm

Here's that song, especially for nicko and eddie :

https://youtu.be/TjDAiq2-xeU

Stupid Christmas 3583224271

by eddie Fri Dec 09, 2016 5:28 pm

Hahahahaha thanks for that

by nicko Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:56 pm

Fancy sitting there quietly putting the World to rights and suddenly your Wedding Tackle is on fire !

by Syl Fri Dec 09, 2016 6:58 pm

eddie wrote:
Syl wrote:

Has it still got it's roots?

How would I know?
It's got a piece of wood at the bottom.

It's still upside down to me.

by eddie Fri Dec 09, 2016 7:31 pm

Is it?

Holy mother of all things Xmas

by veya_victaous Sun Dec 11, 2016 8:56 pm

WhoseYourWolfie wrote:
nicko wrote:
Looks like wolfies "dunny"

My grandparents still had an "outsde dunny" up until the early 1980s...

There are still a few outlying towns and villages that don't have central sewerage services laid on

the Town my My Farm house is in Doesn't

everyone has indoor plumbing but everyone has their own septic tanks buried somewhere.

the outhouse (pretty sure it is) is still standing but completely engulfed by Ivy

by veya_victaous Wed Dec 14, 2016 10:54 pm

by Guest Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:58 am

I don't grasp the concept of the chunk of wood attached to the bottom of the holiday trees ...how is that supposed to allow the tree trunk to soak up any water to preserve it from drying out and dropping pine needles all over your homes?
We soak ours in buckets of water - after we've removed a little old wood from the stump, and then put ours into a braced support holder with a water reservoir to allow the tree to keep absorbing water while it's being used for the holidays! Like these >
Stupid Christmas $_35

Stupid Christmas 1006302_762152019056_A_400

And much cussing and discussing about whether or not it's centered correctly or this side was the best side to be seen or should face the corner/wall.
My farther called Christmas our 'Annual Cuss & Holler'; he'd cuss and mom would holler 'Stop that cuss'n, it's Christmas!' But up the lights was always a BIG ORDEAL with lots of verbal - loud discussions santa

by eddie Fri Dec 16, 2016 2:51 pm

4ever I wish that I had bought a tree like that! I reckon that by Xmas day, I'll have a big brown stalk in my living room Shocked

I just brought it in from the garden today actually and decorated it.
My gingerbread man keeps falling off.

by Syl Fri Dec 16, 2016 5:44 pm

Eat it...problem solved.

We could all post pics of our Christmas trees....mine isn't very photogenic though.

Its about 6' tall....unlit it looks like a bare branched tree, all sad and unhappy, when lit it has thousands of very tiny fibre optic lights that dance with gay abandon Stupid Christmas 3239900740

....I love it, and it takes about 10 minutes to put up.

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 6:59 pm

4EVER2 wrote:
I don't grasp the concept of the chunk of wood attached to the bottom of the holiday trees ...how is that supposed to allow the tree trunk to soak up any water to preserve it from drying out and dropping pine needles all over your homes?
We soak ours in buckets of water - after we've removed a little old wood from the stump, and then put ours into a braced support holder with a water reservoir to allow the tree to keep absorbing water while it's being used for the holidays! Like these >

And much cussing and discussing about whether or not it's centered correctly or this side was the best side to be seen or should face the corner/wall.
My farther called Christmas our 'Annual Cuss & Holler'; he'd cuss and mom would holler 'Stop that cuss'n, it's Christmas!' But up the lights was always a BIG ORDEAL with lots of verbal - loud discussions

Yep, we had that a couple of nights ago, AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 7:50 pm

Still not completely understanding the 'WHY' anyone would attach that huge hunk of wood to the base of a live tree Stupid Christmas 2190311264

but the methods are often odd for what the English do over there!

This is an image of my mom's old ceramic tree, and we had one small little tree for each of us 6 kids. The green little ceramic tree was father and the white one with the red birds {got broken some time ago along with all of the little trees} was mom!

Stupid Christmas $_3

I've been looking for a replacement tree for mom ...never found one until just a month ago; looking around for some of her favorite old 'Horehound Candy' to send to an elderly aunt and I ran across this tree
Stupid Christmas Christmas_tree_ceramic

Stupid Christmas E24f888f6af7a7cb0dabdabf392bebd0

http://www.vermontcountrystore.com/store/ I'll be able to replace my mom's white ceramic and purchase all of the little red birds as well ...$37.00 and free shipping!
But now that my tree is unpacked and set up - plugged into a dusk to dawn timer; all of my decorations are completed.
Prior to moving mom in here I gave {shoved off - delivered} all of the last remaining huge commercial sized outdoor holiday decorations - indoor trees & plastic tubs of my families most favorite/cherished things that we hung on the trees ...right to my son & his family and said - 'here do with them as you will, it's your turn to take care of the history and memories, I am done!' relieved

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 7:53 pm

My decorations are still in the garage, and going through Dad's before we started he still had unopened boxes of some of the Chinese decorations we had in Singapore, 50 years ago!!!!!

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 7:57 pm

sassy wrote:My decorations are still in the garage, and going through Dad's before we started he still had unopened boxes of some of the Chinese decorations we had in Singapore, 50 years ago!!!!!

WOW, how many glorious ole memories that ole box of lovelies will stir up for all of you and especially for your pops ...or at least I hope so! Just never know what little item from so long ago once placed in his hands will trigger a fleeting memory that you were far too young to have known or heard; golly that would be such a treat.
ENJOY every nanosecond and dwell long over that task, dear friend! Stupid Christmas 701223944

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:02 pm

I will. We can't actually use them as they would be a fire hazard, but as you say, it's stirred up some lovely memories and we had a nice chat session about them.

by Victorismyhero Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:04 pm

NOOOOO sassy pale

IF...they are glass ones
and

if they are silvered on the inside ...dont break any FGS

it is entirely possible the "silvering" is mercury
also any paint is likely to have high levels of lead...dont go sucking them

HAZMAT ALERT

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:06 pm

Lord Foul wrote:NOOOOO sassy

IF...they are glass ones
and

if they are silvered on the inside ...dont break any FGS

it is entirely possible the "silvering" is mercury
also any paint is likely to have high levels of lead...dont go sucking them

HAZMAT ALERT

Thanks for the thought, but they are silk and paper, so no problem, hence the 'fire hazard'.

by Victorismyhero Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:16 pm

ah thats ok then

I'd still advise you not to eat any though

and any "deep green" colours should be viewed with suspicion (arsenic) google "Scheele's Green"
at 50 years old and of chinese provenance..............................................

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:20 pm

I really don't think I'm going to eat any of them Shocked

by Victorismyhero Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:36 pm

Well, I've told the grandkids christmas is cancelled
on account of

a) I have santa held hostage
b) where do they think that wood I'm using to fuel the wood burner came from (sleigh)
c) I've been to IKEA and they sell reindeer burgers and reindeer mince
so I'm having rudolph burgers
dancer dinners
prancer pie
and Donner kebabs

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 8:40 pm

That's just MEAN!

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:17 pm

sassy wrote:I really don't think I'm going to eat any of them

That is rather ironically timed as I just received a ASPCA bulletin about some dangerous homemade and really old antique ornaments that are toxic to our family pets!
There were some homemade ones made out of a salt / clay receipe that you could have your cat or dog paw prints embedded in and let them dry - then paint - put the date & name & hang on the tree!
Highly toxic - will stop their kidneys if you pet consumes them!

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:20 pm

Good grief! They sound really dangerous because they would smell salty and savoury and an animal might be tempted to try and eat one.

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 10:16 pm

sassy wrote:Good grief! They sound really dangerous because they would smell salty and savoury and an animal might be tempted to try and eat one.

Well, indeed ...and puppies just think anything within their grasp is an edible ...much like a baby or toddler!

We used to make up a mass amount of those 'cinnamon' pasted ornaments and often people would forget that those had to be kept in the freezer or by the time the holidays rolled around again they'd pull out that box and the holiday cookie cutter cinnamon ornaments were nothing but a fuzzy ball of moldy WTH and scary too! What a Face

Ingredients
Serves: Makes 12 to 15 ornaments.
3/4 cup applesauce

2 bottles (2.37 oz. each) any cheap ground cinnamon

Cookie cutters

Drinking straw

Colorful ribbon

Directions
30 mins Prep time 2 hrs 30 mins Cook time


Preheat oven to 200°F. Mix applesauce and cinnamon in small bowl until a smooth ball of dough is formed. (You may need use your hands to incorporate all of the cinnamon.) Using about 1/4 of the dough at a time, roll dough to 1/4-inch to 1/3-inch thickness between two sheets of plastic wrap. Peel off top sheet of plastic wrap. Cut dough into desired shapes with 2- to 3-inch cookie cutters. Make a hole at top of ornament with drinking straw or skewer. Place ornaments on baking sheet.
Bake 2 1/2 hours. Cool ornaments on wire rack. (Or, to dry ornaments at room temperature, carefully place them on wire rack. Let stand 1 to 2 days or until thoroughly dry, turning occasionally.)
Insert ribbon through holes and tie to hang. Decorate with opaque paint markers, found in arts and crafts stores, if desired.

by Guest Fri Dec 16, 2016 10:19 pm

Hey, gonna give them a go, got lots of shape cutters.

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