The Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriages

The Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriages

Arranged Marriages- Good or Bad?

The way in which arranged marriages are handled determines whether or not they are cruel and old-fashioned. I am now going to provide a balanced argument that takes all the different views into consideration.

Islam is one religion that uses arranged marriages. Not only are the marriages arranged by the parents but also by older relatives as well. They believe that the parents know all about their children so they are capable of choosing a suitable partner whom may enable the couple to have a successful marriage, all though if either the bride or groom disagrees the wedding cannot go on. The details of the marriage are set out in a contract which is a legal document. Hinduism is another group of people who have arranged marriages but not to the same extent. Hindus believe that a marriage is based on more than physical or emotional attraction and at one stage Hindus were strict about arranged marriages where the parent’s decision was final.

Marital incompatibility has been found to be a major reason for divorce. When the parents arrange the marriage they will have found someone who is compatible so that the marriage will work. When the parents pick someone they are drawing from experience typically 20 years of married life and they went through the same process no doubt. There is also a lower divorce rate in arranged marriages. When in a arranged marriage situation there is a lower expectation because neither side knows what to expect of the other person. Both sides imagine the worse scenario or outcome but when they get to the marriage and meeting the other person things turn out better than what they originally thought and they are willing to stay in the marriage and to make it work and get to know there partner better. There is a 0% - 7% divorce rate for arranged marriages compared to a 55% divorce rate in the England. Western societies seem to focus more on the physical appearance in relationships, therefore are more obsessed with love, sex, beauty etc. Marriages based on these things may not work out due to clashes in personalities, beliefs or common annoy things. In contrast in the eastern cultures that use arranged marriages put emphases on practical things such as integrity, diligence, ambition, humility, generosity etc. people therefore are getting married due to practical reasons and work on building the love in the relationship later.

However, not everyone agrees with arranged marriages and some believe it takes away freedom of choice. Someone else is deciding which direction your life is going in. When marriage is a consideration people are old enough to make their own decisions. Love marriages offer more independence and freedom in the context of choosing who you are with and what you do. Due to the parents choosing the partner for the woman she then feels obligated to stay in the relationship for the sake of the family pride and also respect in the community. There is a lot of pressure placed upon the child to conform to their parents expectations and she wants to make her family happy. If the family really cared about their daughter wouldn’t they let her make her own decisions?

How can you marry someone you do not know? When you know somebody before marriage there is a large understanding of each other’s needs and desires. Knowing someone before you get married, you mean what you are saying in your wedding vows not just saying them so that you may be married. In the love marriage there is more of a relationship built. There is a relationship when teenagers possibly, spend months or years together before you decide to dedicate yourself to your partner. Divorce does not necessarily happen due to bad choice. One reason is because these days women are better educated and women are no longer afraid to stand up for themselves and take charge of their own lives. Arranged marriages can also go too far. Forced marriage is where the parents choose their child’s spouse with no input from the child and even if the child disagrees or disapproves the marriage still takes place. Some parents go as far as threatening the child to ensure cooperation. Where’s your freedom there? That is a real good way of ruining the family. Child marriage, parents marry their child off when children or even infants. They stay with their family until they are older and what if their partner has changed since they were young? This is very likely and could mean the couple no longer match.

In conclusion there seems to be arguments for and against arranged marriages. Good logical decisions are made in arranged marriages but they can lack the love that can be in a ‘love marriages’. Therefore it comes down to a personal opinion. Some do not have a choice because they choose to follow the religion they were brought up in but for Westerners they have choice whether to go down one path or the other. If it were possible to take the best of both ideas you may come up with a procedure that may benefit more of the people most of the time. However, it is not fair to say arranged marriages are cruel and old-fashioned if you are talking generally as it depends how the situation is handled.


http://www.123helpme.com/pros-and-cons-of-arranged-marriages-view.asp?id=162988


Good or bad?
Does it even matter? You can be with someone for years and still end up apart, arranged or not.

If you have something you have it - arranged or not.

If someone knows me well enough, could they find my perfect match better than I could?

Eh?
The parents find compatiable and not the actual girl herself?
There is no logical reason as marriage is and should be about love
I cannot think of anything worse than being in a loveless marriage for the sake of security. I would rather have nothing and be happy than with womeone I did not love.
That is not logical to me at all and espcially again its the parents deciding and benefitting from. Also is it more of a case that many are unable and too scared to divorce?

Lets face facts, that many are forced into these marriages, so to go off that stats is very misleading.
We are talking about some cultures here, where that women will end up ostracized if they leave and even worse killed by an honour killing, as this is very much based around a caste system, which is also very racist in thinking about who they can and cannot marry

eddie wrote:The Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriages

Arranged Marriages- Good or Bad?

The way in which arranged marriages are handled determines whether or not they are cruel and old-fashioned. I am now going to provide a balanced argument that takes all the different views into consideration.

Islam is one religion that uses arranged marriages. Not only are the marriages arranged by the parents but also by older relatives as well. They believe that the parents know all about their children so they are capable of choosing a suitable partner whom may enable the couple to have a successful marriage, all though if either the bride or groom disagrees the wedding cannot go on. The details of the marriage are set out in a contract which is a legal document. Hinduism is another group of people who have arranged marriages but not to the same extent. Hindus believe that a marriage is based on more than physical or emotional attraction and at one stage Hindus were strict about arranged marriages where the parent’s decision was final.

Marital incompatibility has been found to be a major reason for divorce. When the parents arrange the marriage they will have found someone who is compatible so that the marriage will work. When the parents pick someone they are drawing from experience typically 20 years of married life and they went through the same process no doubt. There is also a lower divorce rate in arranged marriages. When in a arranged marriage situation there is a lower expectation because neither side knows what to expect of the other person. Both sides imagine the worse scenario or outcome but when they get to the marriage and meeting the other person things turn out better than what they originally thought and they are willing to stay in the marriage and to make it work and get to know there partner better. There is a 0% - 7% divorce rate for arranged marriages compared to a 55% divorce rate in the England. Western societies seem to focus more on the physical appearance in relationships, therefore are more obsessed with love, sex, beauty etc. Marriages based on these things may not work out due to clashes in personalities, beliefs or common annoy things. In contrast in the eastern cultures that use arranged marriages put emphases on practical things such as integrity, diligence, ambition, humility, generosity etc. people therefore are getting married due to practical reasons and work on building the love in the relationship later.

However, not everyone agrees with arranged marriages and some believe it takes away freedom of choice. Someone else is deciding which direction your life is going in. When marriage is a consideration people are old enough to make their own decisions. Love marriages offer more independence and freedom in the context of choosing who you are with and what you do. Due to the parents choosing the partner for the woman she then feels obligated to stay in the relationship for the sake of the family pride and also respect in the community. There is a lot of pressure placed upon the child to conform to their parents expectations and she wants to make her family happy. If the family really cared about their daughter wouldn’t they let her make her own decisions?

How can you marry someone you do not know? When you know somebody before marriage there is a large understanding of each other’s needs and desires. Knowing someone before you get married, you mean what you are saying in your wedding vows not just saying them so that you may be married. In the love marriage there is more of a relationship built. There is a relationship when teenagers possibly, spend months or years together before you decide to dedicate yourself to your partner. Divorce does not necessarily happen due to bad choice. One reason is because these days women are better educated and women are no longer afraid to stand up for themselves and take charge of their own lives. Arranged marriages can also go too far. Forced marriage is where the parents choose their child’s spouse with no input from the child and even if the child disagrees or disapproves the marriage still takes place. Some parents go as far as threatening the child to ensure cooperation. Where’s your freedom there? That is a real good way of ruining the family. Child marriage, parents marry their child off when children or even infants. They stay with their family until they are older and what if their partner has changed since they were young? This is very likely and could mean the couple no longer match.

In conclusion there seems to be arguments for and against arranged marriages. Good logical decisions are made in arranged marriages but they can lack the love that can be in a ‘love marriages’. Therefore it comes down to a personal opinion. Some do not have a choice because they choose to follow the religion they were brought up in but for Westerners they have choice whether to go down one path or the other. If it were possible to take the best of both ideas you may come up with a procedure that may benefit more of the people most of the time. However, it is not fair to say arranged marriages are cruel and old-fashioned if you are talking generally as it depends how the situation is handled.


http://www.123helpme.com/pros-and-cons-of-arranged-marriages-view.asp?id=162988


Good or bad?
Does it even matter? You can be with someone for years and still end up apart, arranged or not.

If you have something you have it - arranged or not.

If someone knows me well enough, could they find my perfect match better than I could?

Many Jewish marriages are arranged as well.   Statistically arranged marriages are more stable.   Those having one go into it with a totally different viewpoint.   They don't expect it to start all hearts and violins, they expect a life partnership that has to be worked at and accommodate both of them, with love coming over time by helping and being kind to one another.   It's no better and no worse than any other marriage.   Marriage by it's very nature is a lottery.

I agree to an extent I guess...but what about natural chemistry?

Again any arrangd marriage is wrong, whether it be any religion even orthodox Jews
Again they are being denid their own choice to life and love
Its appalling and people should not have someone chosen for them by their parents, and even worse for their benefit.
All round it is appalling and arrangd marriages should also be banned, as pressure is applied that the girl is left with no choice but to marry

Natural chemistry is great, but it doesn't guarantee a good marriage.  You can have natural chemistry with men who would make the worst husbands ever.

I often wonder what someone chosen for me, by people who know me well, would be like?

Yes and you then have the choice to leave, which I would then question if that person chose wisely in the first place.
They then have the choice to find someone who will love them continually for the rest of their lives. There is nothing worse than a loveless marriage

Well, done the hearts and flowers and chemistry, with OH I chose for his kindness, combatability, loyalty and the hearts and flowers came after because of the things I had chosen him for.

It's an interesting topic though, I mean for you sassy, I'd choose someone who's artistic, a great listener, a patient person and a passionate person.

Didge, I don't know you well enough really, but I reckon you need a very patient, very kind, historian!

eddie wrote:It's an interesting topic though, I mean for you sassy, I'd choose someone who's artistic, a great listener, a patient person and a passionate person.

Didge, I don't know you well enough really, but I reckon you need a very patient, very kind, historian!

I think he needs someone he chose for himself!

eddie wrote:It's an interesting topic though, I mean for you sassy, I'd choose someone who's artistic, a great listener, a patient person and a passionate person.

Didge, I don't know you well enough really, but I reckon you need a very patient, very kind, historian!

You would be wrong, as in person, I am one of the most patient people around. As i am a listener to peoples problems, which I help guide them onto the right paths. They do the choosing not me. It has to b someone very strong in character, confident in who they are etc.
I am very independent also. This forum is the place for where I let off steam.

Miffs2 wrote:

eddie wrote:It's an interesting topic though, I mean for you sassy, I'd choose someone who's artistic, a great listener, a patient person and a passionate person.

Didge, I don't know you well enough really, but I reckon you need a very patient, very kind, historian!

I think he needs someone he chose for himself!

lol good point Nems, and agree

Didge wrote:

eddie wrote:It's an interesting topic though, I mean for you sassy, I'd choose someone who's artistic, a great listener, a patient person and a passionate person.

Didge, I don't know you well enough really, but I reckon you need a very patient, very kind, historian!

You would be wrong, as in person, I am one of the most patient people around. As i am a listener to peoples problems, which I help guide them onto the right paths. They do the choosing not me. It has to b someone very strong in character, confident in who they are etc.
I am very independent also. This forum is the place for where I let off steam.

Fair enough. I don't know you well.

For nems....that's easy! Kevin Bacon

Why is an arranged marriage more stable? Most likely because within the cultures that promote it, you dare not say no, or leave it. I can think of no other torture, than to be shackled for life to someone I didn't love and respect.

HoratioTarr wrote:Why is an arranged marriage more stable?   Most likely because within the cultures that promote it, you dare not say no, or leave it.  I can think of no other torture, than to be shackled for life to someone I didn't love and respect.

And, too, those who arranged the marriage tend to intervene when there are issues. They have a stake in it.

Love and respect are two different things. Love lasts, at most, 6 months; respect for a lifetime. I think reliability and mutual support are the main things.

HoratioTarr wrote:Why is an arranged marriage more stable?   Most likely because within the cultures that promote it, you dare not say no, or leave it.  I can think of no other torture, than to be shackled for life to someone I didn't love and respect.

I would actually say it is more than that they don't expcet all their emotional support from their partner, they have broader support networks within the extended family.
and Rather than being about love it is about commitment, they work because neither party in there for a fleeting emotion. it is more like a business venture with the dividends being children.

Arranged marriage. It's all starting to sound like a business plan.

What happened to hallo, we get on great now I want to fuck your brains out and let's get married maybe if we feel like it and it's a starry night?

eddie wrote:Arranged marriage. It's all starting to sound like a business plan.

What happened to hallo, we get on great now I want to fuck your brains out and let's get married maybe if we feel like it and it's a starry night?

Stick to the fucking, leave the marriage out of it.   You can be nuts about a person, they can be nuts about your, 5 years down the line you wonder what the hell you saw in them when the lust has worn off.

Oh I know!
That was just a short love story.

veya_victaous wrote:

HoratioTarr wrote:Why is an arranged marriage more stable?   Most likely because within the cultures that promote it, you dare not say no, or leave it.  I can think of no other torture, than to be shackled for life to someone I didn't love and respect.

I would actually say it is more than that they don't expcet all their emotional support from their partner, they have broader support networks within the extended family.
and Rather than being about love it is about commitment, they work because neither party in there for a fleeting emotion. it is more like a business venture with the dividends being children.

I think you're right there. It is more like a business transaction and the heart has little to do with it.

sassy wrote:

eddie wrote:Arranged marriage. It's all starting to sound like a business plan.

What happened to hallo, we get on great now I want to fuck your brains out and let's get married maybe if we feel like it and it's a starry night?

Stick to the fucking, leave the marriage out of it.   You can be nuts about a person, they can be nuts about your, 5 years down the line you wonder what the hell you saw in them when the lust has worn off.

I met my partner 8 years ago on POF. We are getting married in September. I love him to bits. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I wish I'd met him years ago. Obviously, I didn't love him when I first met him, it wasn't love at first sight. I 'ahem' his brains out though, and still do.

R

eddie wrote:Arranged marriage. It's all starting to sound like a business plan.

What happened to hallo, we get on great now I want to fuck your brains out and let's get married maybe if we feel like it and it's a starry night?

As long as it's Kevin Bacon  that's absolutely fine. 

HoratioTarr wrote:

sassy wrote:


Stick to the fucking, leave the marriage out of it.   You can be nuts about a person, they can be nuts about your, 5 years down the line you wonder what the hell you saw in them when the lust has worn off.

I met my partner 8 years ago on POF.  We are getting married in September.   I love him to bits.  He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I wish I'd met him years ago.   Obviously, I didn't love him when I first met him, it wasn't love at first sight.   I 'ahem' his brains out though, and still do.

Congratulations Horatio! That's brilliant. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and a long and happy marriage. 

Yes. I will get a hat.

Re: The Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriages
 by sassy Today at 3:14 pm
Natural chemistry is great, but it doesn't guarantee a good marriage.  You can have natural chemistry with men who would make the worst husbands ever.

One thing for sure ...there's not guarantee in any form of marriage.
No one lives forever - someone dies before the other - all people disappoint their mate in some way or another; sometimes those disappointments are great moral busters and some times they are just accumulated annoyances that build up after a period and become something that one or the other can no longer live with and find that ESCAPE is the best option the sooner the better. And other people find that despite that long list of annoying - god awful habits that the trade off for being alone and without their 'FAMILIAR' human body, well - leaving just isn't in the equation - but staying to the very end is! 

Re: The Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriages

 by eddie Today at 3:17 pm
I often wonder what someone chosen for me, by people who know me well, would be like?

I've been reading a journal {slow going} it's hand written by my great-grandmother and her journal - while not a daily log is about her life and the insightful way that she wrote the events - the day-to-day drudgery of her chores - the region - the weather - the few neighboring farmsteads - the limited prospects for a HUSBAND and what her life would be like if she never found or met ANY MAN to marry!

Think about that Eddie; living in such a rural area where your opportunity to even meet another human your age, let alone a human of the opposite sex that would be interested in you as a marriage partner ...she was 13 years old as she was writing that section - doing some hand work {sewing things for her HOPE CHEST} as most young women did for her marriage day:

 What exactly is a Hope chest and how do I make one for my daughter
 Certainly this is not a silly question at all, hope chests of the past have been replaced with modern store and online bridal registries but there is no reason why we cannot create and bless our daughters with a beautiful gift of a hope chest today. Hope chests were originally used to store items for a daughter to be used after she is married to take to her new home.

Whatever your budget is you can begin today to begin saving and collecting items for your daughter's future home. Traditionally items were kept in a cedar chest to preserve items and keep them safe, but if accumulating an actual wooden hope chest is not any where in your near future (if your husband is handy, he could even make one), don't worry! You can begin gathering items and placing them in a box or plastic tub in the attic or garage as long as the items are stored carefully. Here are some ideas of what to begin collecting:
Books-
 A family Bible
childhood books
cookbooks
inspirational books
practical books
religious books
family pictures and history scrapbook
Linens- (you might want to embroider some of these or handmake to add personal touches, what daughter wouldn't want something her mother made?!)
 Pillow cases
sheets
dresser scarves and table runners
towels and dishclothes
aprons, tableclothes, cloth napkins
kitchen accessories
Quilts-
 Friendship quilts, theme quilts, wedding quilts, baby quilts, memory quilts, wall-hanging quilts
Miscellaneous-
 family heirlooms, letters, recipes, scrapbooks, antiques, practical items, baby items, china and the list goes on...
 I, personally, have started my oldest daughters hopechest---I even had let out the word that I was doing this and her aunt and grandmother have added their share of items during Christmas time and birthdays--my daughter was very grateful to receive the gifts and know that they are for her future home. Even if a daughter does not marry, if she eventually leaves the home she can still use many of the items stated above.

It wasn't just religious customs that dictated arranged marriages, often it was the desperate need for a farm to continue to be productive and a farm that had no sons to find a husband for the daughters. 
Similar to the 'Royal Blood Line' in England; secure the crown - save the sovereign country - fortify the entire nation; but only on a much smaller scale but not any less important to the farmer and his LAND.  Many an arranged marriage took place due to extraordinary circumstances and it wasn't anything to do with 'Romance/Romps in the haymow/randy nights dancing the cotton-eyed-joe buzzed up with some home brew'
Why even post WWII, during England's unsettling of the hierarchy and the over abundance of 'uber riché and the lack of titles & all the 'accoutrements' to hand out and young wealthy maidens to hand over - England's Blue Bloods came knocking on those New Rich American's doors and lowered themselves to SELL THEIR TITLES in exchange for securing their land and good name with our dirty money!

Marriage - has been a 4-Sale Commodity for eons and rarely for the sake of 'LOVE & LUST' and the Happy Ever After; that's why there's so many F'n Fairy Tales written about that shit --- that was the Modern Day Romance Novel Of It's Time

I find some of your posts, like these, fascinating! Imagine reading a journal of your great-grandmother?
Well that's food for thought.

I think I'm a romantic at heart with a bit of hedonism and a huge independent streak, thrown in. These are important parts of a relationship for me, but above all, it's communication and humour - a really big must for any relationship to survive.

Have a greenie, that was the best, most interesting post that I have read for a long time!   You are quite right, that side of 'arranged marriages' in the western world had not registered while talking about the subject.

Look at our Royal Family, the horrors they have to endure to end up married.   I don't approve of the instituation, but I wouldn't have to go through what they do for all the tea etc.

eddie wrote:I find some of your posts, like these, fascinating! Imagine reading a journal of your great-grandmother?
Well that's food for thought.

I think I'm a romantic at heart with a bit of hedonism and a huge independent streak, thrown in. These are important parts of a relationship for me, but above all, it's communication and humour - a really big must for any relationship to survive.

Prior to my mom's eye sight going bad she could/would read out of this journal and it was very comforting to her and all of my siblings when we were younger; I'd almost forgotten about it and as the ink has faded on many pages - trying to take those pages apart and photo copy those images {reversing the dark to light} so the inked areas show up lighter against a darker background has been the only way to read some of her pages.  Mom thinks that those pages were used when she was out in the bright sunlight and the Indian Ink just didn't hold - UV made it fade so rapidly.  But it sure pulls & wears on the eye balls to read for any length of time. 
But her life and the times sure made me realize how different my social world was growing up ...even on our little rural farmstead ...walking through town to get to school was such an adventure it never seemed like a horrible trek - yet my 2 oldest sister complained all the way there and home! Bugs - dust - dirt - smudges on their shoes - white anklets - quite kicking crap around it just stirs up the dust - no, we're not stopping to pick mulberries - often they'd pick up long willow branches and use them to herd us to & from school.
But great-grandmother never left home - school - chores - home - her entire life was right there with her folks and 2 older brothers!  I just can't imagine it.

Isn't it amazing how quickly things have changed.   Your grandmother's journal is real history, what a wonderful thing to have.   My grandmother told me so many stories of things that happened to her and her very large number of siblings, and I have also thought I would record them before my brain lost them.   I think you have quite inspired me tonight.

eddie wrote:Arranged marriage. It's all starting to sound like a business plan.

What happened to hallo, we get on great now I want to fuck your brains out and let's get married maybe if we feel like it and it's a starry night?

all marriages are ultimately business deals with legal contracts and everything.

it is the love and losing it that makes it messy

veya_victaous wrote:

eddie wrote:Arranged marriage. It's all starting to sound like a business plan.

What happened to hallo, we get on great now I want to fuck your brains out and let's get married maybe if we feel like it and it's a starry night?

all marriages are ultimately business deals with legal contracts and everything.

it is the love and losing it that makes it messy

Couldn't agree more

HoratioTarr wrote:

sassy wrote:


Stick to the fucking, leave the marriage out of it.   You can be nuts about a person, they can be nuts about your, 5 years down the line you wonder what the hell you saw in them when the lust has worn off.

I met my partner 8 years ago on POF.  We are getting married in September.   I love him to bits.  He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I wish I'd met him years ago.   Obviously, I didn't love him when I first met him, it wasn't love at first sight.   I 'ahem' his brains out though, and still do.

Awwww congratulations Horatio! xx

Now lay down the law . Tell him "Build me a large new house pronto and I want 4 animals in it. A tiger in my bed, a mink in my closet, a jaguar in my garage and a jackass to pay for it all. "

Jules wrote:

HoratioTarr wrote:

I met my partner 8 years ago on POF.  We are getting married in September.   I love him to bits.  He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I wish I'd met him years ago.   Obviously, I didn't love him when I first met him, it wasn't love at first sight.   I 'ahem' his brains out though, and still do.

Awwww congratulations Horatio! xx  

Now lay down the law . Tell him "Build me a large new house pronto and I want 4 animals in it. A tiger in my bed, a mink in my  closet, a jaguar in my garage and a jackass to pay for it all. "

It's all sorted.