9 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Won't Do

Ben Reilly wrote:Based on this, I think we should all quit this site

OR ...this has become the 'homing pigeon habitat' for all of humanities rejects; we just haven't fessed up about our own shortcomings, YET!  

Ben Reilly wrote:Based on this, I think we should all quit this site

eddie wrote:I certainly don't dwell on problems and I can't be around negatively charged people too long. Grudges I can't be bothered with tbh, and I pretty much forgive most things hence I don't live in the past. Ever. Ever.

Only thing I can't do is seen to say no if someone asks for a favour. I'm rubbish at it.

Lord Foul wrote:hmmm...dunno about grudges being bad....I suppose if you keep em in your heart they could be....me ...I just record them in my book of grudges ...then refer to that NEXT time someone who may have insulted/done me wrong asks for anything.

Syl wrote:I'm too tired to take it all in now, but the bit about emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive but never forget I can relate to.

Compliments  are soon forgotten about....but I remember every insult, the time of day, where I was and what I was wearing...vividly.
I do forgive them though.

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance.

Raggamuffin wrote:These personality analyses are all very well, but they immediately set people up for failure. Having a list of what makes someone an emotionally intelligent person gives someone an impossible task. That list is going to make someone rather robotic and feel like a failure as soon as they get upset by the past, or as soon as they let what someone says affect them, or whatever.

They don't prize perfection? Then the analysis fails straightaway doesn't it?

eddie wrote:9 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Won't Do

My last article, How Successful People Stay Calm, really struck a nerve (it has more than a million reads here on Forbes).

The trick is that managing your emotions is as much about what you won’t do as it is about what you will do. My company, TalentSmart, has tested the emotional intelligence of more than a million people, so I went back to the data to uncover the kinds of things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in order to keep themselves calm, content, and in control. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isn’t careful.

While the list that follows isn’t exhaustive, it presents nine key things that you can avoid in order to increase your emotional intelligence:



They Won’t Let Anyone Limit Their Joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or accomplishments take that away from them.

While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

They Won’t Forget

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Emotionally intelligent people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.

They Won’t Die in the Fight

Emotionally intelligent people know how important it is to live to fight another day. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.

They Won’t Prioritize Perfection

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and you end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.

They Won’t Live in the Past

Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you’ll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they can’t do this when they’re living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can’t allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present, preventing you from moving forward.

They Won’t Dwell on Problems

Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress, which hinders performance. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves performance. Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on solutions.

They Won’t Hang Around Negative People

Complainers are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix a problem. The complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.

They Won’t Hold Grudges

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event involved sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Learning to let go of a grudge will not only make you feel better now but can also improve your health.

They Won’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major challenge for most people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/03/26/9-things-emotionally-intelligent-people-wont-do/#1e13331a9b76

HoratioTarr wrote:

eddie wrote:9 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Won't Do

My last article, How Successful People Stay Calm, really struck a nerve (it has more than a million reads here on Forbes).

The trick is that managing your emotions is as much about what you won’t do as it is about what you will do. My company, TalentSmart, has tested the emotional intelligence of more than a million people, so I went back to the data to uncover the kinds of things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in order to keep themselves calm, content, and in control. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isn’t careful.

While the list that follows isn’t exhaustive, it presents nine key things that you can avoid in order to increase your emotional intelligence:



They Won’t Let Anyone Limit Their Joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or accomplishments take that away from them.

While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

They Won’t Forget

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Emotionally intelligent people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.

They Won’t Die in the Fight

Emotionally intelligent people know how important it is to live to fight another day. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.

They Won’t Prioritize Perfection

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and you end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.

They Won’t Live in the Past

Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you’ll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they can’t do this when they’re living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can’t allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present, preventing you from moving forward.

They Won’t Dwell on Problems

Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress, which hinders performance. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves performance. Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on solutions.

They Won’t Hang Around Negative People

Complainers are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix a problem. The complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.

They Won’t Hold Grudges

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event involved sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Learning to let go of a grudge will not only make you feel better now but can also improve your health.

They Won’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major challenge for most people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/03/26/9-things-emotionally-intelligent-people-wont-do/#1e13331a9b76

You left off point 9a

Don't Let Forums and the People Therein Rile You Up.

Always remember that forums aren't a part of your real life!    That ornery twat who follows you around typing in screech caps peppered with preposterous smilies or the embittered virago with the inferiority complex, are just people  you wouldn't even look at in your everyday transactions.   Emotionally intelligent people do not allow forums to nettle or rile.   Emotionally intelligent people indulge those who try to create drama out of absolutely nothing.   Remember, on the internet nobody can see you smile.

eddie wrote:9 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Won't Do

My last article, How Successful People Stay Calm, really struck a nerve (it has more than a million reads here on Forbes).

The trick is that managing your emotions is as much about what you won’t do as it is about what you will do. My company, TalentSmart, has tested the emotional intelligence of more than a million people, so I went back to the data to uncover the kinds of things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in order to keep themselves calm, content, and in control. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isn’t careful.

While the list that follows isn’t exhaustive, it presents nine key things that you can avoid in order to increase your emotional intelligence:



They Won’t Let Anyone Limit Their Joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or accomplishments take that away from them.

While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

They Won’t Forget

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Emotionally intelligent people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.

They Won’t Die in the Fight

Emotionally intelligent people know how important it is to live to fight another day. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.

They Won’t Prioritize Perfection

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and you end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.

They Won’t Live in the Past

Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you’ll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they can’t do this when they’re living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can’t allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present, preventing you from moving forward.

They Won’t Dwell on Problems

Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress, which hinders performance. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves performance. Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on solutions.

They Won’t Hang Around Negative People

Complainers are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix a problem. The complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.

They Won’t Hold Grudges

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event involved sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Learning to let go of a grudge will not only make you feel better now but can also improve your health.

They Won’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major challenge for most people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/03/26/9-things-emotionally-intelligent-people-wont-do/#1e13331a9b76

Fuzzy Zack wrote:Please spare us bull shit. Some of the self proclaimed reasonable people in this forum are the most emotional.

Didge wrote:

Fuzzy Zack wrote:Please spare us bull shit. Some of the self proclaimed reasonable people in this forum are the most emotional.

Then its not bullshit, becuse if they are being led by emotions, they are then not using at that point reason

Thank you for proving my point

Fuzzy Zack wrote:

Didge wrote:


Then its not bullshit, becuse if they are being led by emotions, they are then not using at that point reason

Thank you for proving my point

Tell me that again just before you have another tantrum and delete your account again.

Raggamuffin wrote:

Syl wrote:I'm too tired to take it all in now, but the bit about emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive but never forget I can relate to.

Compliments  are soon forgotten about....but I remember every insult, the time of day, where I was and what I was wearing...vividly.
I do forgive them though.

If you forgive someone but then you're always looking out for them to do it again, that's no way to carry on.

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance.

Syl wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:

If you forgive someone but then you're always looking out for them to do it again, that's no way to carry on.

I can easilly let go of things, insofar as they dont bother me anymore and they dont affect my life in any way.
But.....somewhere they do get stored in my memory box, not enough to affect me in any way but enough to recall if and when I need to recall it, often with humour rather than anger.

Didge wrote:

Syl wrote:

I can easilly let go of things, insofar as they dont bother me anymore and they dont affect my life in any way.
But.....somewhere they do get stored in my memory box, not enough to affect me in any way but enough to recall if and when I need to recall it, often with humour rather than anger.

It is normal for this to happen, when something never properly gets resolved.
This can happen in relationships, where when something is not addressed properly. it festers deep inside of us and then can even worse then turn other aspects into problems which were not even problems before. We have all seen this happen with some couples, at work, family or even friends or even where it can reach a point of no return, but they generally all stem from one root cause, that was never fully resolved in the first place.

Syl wrote:

Didge wrote:

It is normal for this to happen, when something never properly gets resolved.
This can happen in relationships, where when something is not addressed properly. it festers deep inside of us and then can even worse then turn other aspects into problems which were not even problems before. We have all seen this happen with some couples, at work, family or even friends or even where it can reach a point of no return, but they generally all stem from one root cause, that was never fully resolved in the first place.

I agree with that 100%.
I was talking more of insults than important matters.
I hate unfinished business. The best way is to thrash out problems, especially family and relationship problems and get it sorted once and for all.
I do think many people hang on to anger and resentment when perhaps they should just cut ties and walk away though. Not every relationship is worth working at.

Fuzzy Zack wrote:

Didge wrote:

Fuzzy Zack wrote:Please spare us bull shit. Some of the self proclaimed reasonable people in this forum are the most emotional.

Then its not bullshit, becuse if they are being led by emotions, they are then not using at that point reason

Thank you for proving my point

Tell me that again just before you have another tantrum and delete your account again.

eddie wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:These personality analyses are all very well, but they immediately set people up for failure. Having a list of what makes someone an emotionally intelligent person gives someone an impossible task. That list is going to make someone rather robotic and feel like a failure as soon as they get upset by the past, or as soon as they let what someone says affect them, or whatever.

They don't prize perfection? Then the analysis fails straightaway doesn't it?

You're wrong. If you lived as that list suggests, you would find how much more free you would feel.

Raggamuffin wrote:

eddie wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:These personality analyses are all very well, but they immediately set people up for failure. Having a list of what makes someone an emotionally intelligent person gives someone an impossible task. That list is going to make someone rather robotic and feel like a failure as soon as they get upset by the past, or as soon as they let what someone says affect them, or whatever.

They don't prize perfection? Then the analysis fails straightaway doesn't it?

You're wrong. If you lived as that list suggests, you would find how much more free you would feel.

My point is that nobody could live by that list unless they're very robotic. Lists of how to be a perfect person are always doomed to fail.

veya_victaous wrote:

Fuzzy Zack wrote:

Tell me that again just before you have another tantrum and delete your account again.

Didge isn't reasonable by his own definition  

eddie wrote:9 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Won't Do

My last article, How Successful People Stay Calm, really struck a nerve (it has more than a million reads here on Forbes).

The trick is that managing your emotions is as much about what you won’t do as it is about what you will do. My company, TalentSmart, has tested the emotional intelligence of more than a million people, so I went back to the data to uncover the kinds of things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in order to keep themselves calm, content, and in control. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isn’t careful.

While the list that follows isn’t exhaustive, it presents nine key things that you can avoid in order to increase your emotional intelligence:



They Won’t Let Anyone Limit Their Joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or accomplishments take that away from them.

While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

They Won’t Forget

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Emotionally intelligent people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others’ mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.

They Won’t Die in the Fight

Emotionally intelligent people know how important it is to live to fight another day. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, you’re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.

They Won’t Prioritize Perfection

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and you end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.

They Won’t Live in the Past

Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you’ll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn’t easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they can’t do this when they’re living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can’t allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present, preventing you from moving forward.

They Won’t Dwell on Problems

Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress, which hinders performance. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves performance. Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on solutions.

They Won’t Hang Around Negative People

Complainers are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix a problem. The complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.

They Won’t Hold Grudges

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event involved sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Learning to let go of a grudge will not only make you feel better now but can also improve your health.

They Won’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major challenge for most people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/03/26/9-things-emotionally-intelligent-people-wont-do/#1e13331a9b76

4EVER2 wrote:

veya_victaous wrote:

Didge isn't reasonable by his own definition  

Fuzzy ...our you saying emotional when the better word might be 'PASSION'; that all of us have our own unique topic genre that we feel so passionately about that our ability to contain those feelings go so deeply?
Even trying to maintain a rational decorum when challenged is difficult, but even frustrating at best when it involves so many other POV's coming at us all at the same time ...toss in some extreme personality into that and the fuse becomes SHORT - things escalate rapidly and not for e better!

Fuzzy Zack wrote:

4EVER2 wrote:
Fuzzy ...our you saying emotional when the better word might be 'PASSION'; that all of us have our own unique topic genre that we feel so passionately about that our ability to contain those feelings go so deeply?
Even trying to maintain a rational decorum when challenged is difficult, but even frustrating at best when it involves so many other POV's coming at us all at the same time ...toss in some extreme personality into that and the fuse becomes SHORT - things escalate rapidly and not for e better!

But passion is when you can barely control your emotions.

Even when those emotions and passions are positive, I believe it's always best to try and be sober. It's ok to laugh but to get hysterical means you've lost control of your body and mind, for a moment. So I try to be sober to control that.

Being sober means you're still in a rational mode. You need both in life.

As you've said, over excessive emotion is not constructive.

sassy wrote:I would actually add another.  It is essential to your emotional well being to have an outlet to express yourself.  One that you can focus on so completely your worries and the world simply don't exist while you are immersed in it.

sassy wrote:No, for me it's painting and writing, definitely not forums lol

sassy wrote:At the moment my art stuff is in the spare garage, hope to get it out soon, but Dad would go nuts if it was in the house so I'd have to do it on the patio, which will be lovely if we get an actual summer.  If not, going to convert one end to a studio, but the light isn't wonderful.  I do miss it.

Fuzzy Zack wrote:I'm talking about passion in its strict dictionary definition. Where you are on that borderline of losing emotional control.

Like getting drunk, it's fun but also dangerous.

I prefer enthusiasm.

Didge wrote:

Fuzzy Zack wrote:I'm talking about passion in its strict dictionary definition. Where you are on that borderline of losing emotional control. = sexual climax, not quite what I was meaning as to a discussion situation on this community group   One may have a great a passion say about animals for doing rescue work then another member might...doesn't make them lose control but it might keep 'ME' from reading or seeing those horrid photo's that I can't erase out of my mind and will keep me up for many nights afterwards - we all have our 'Passions' about specific topic genre's!

Like getting drunk, it's fun but also dangerous. Hmmm, but to each human that's a uniquely different reaction to alcohol too; some get quite passive/subdued/so relaxed that a nice long sleep is all they require - others become quite giddy/chatterboxes and quite enjoy being the life of the party - while there are some that this brings out the unrepressed anger demon {my father's Indian blood line} and he was something to avoid when he was to far gone in his booze!

I prefer enthusiasm.   spelled differently but it means the same things, really?

Word of honest advice, never try to keep in check passionate mutual love, that will spell disaster for you.

Its never dangereous to be mutally and passionate in love with each other, as you have balance.

That never needs anything to check that love, its when it falls out of sinc of blanace that it does.

Raggamuffin wrote:

eddie wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:These personality analyses are all very well, but they immediately set people up for failure. Having a list of what makes someone an emotionally intelligent person gives someone an impossible task. That list is going to make someone rather robotic and feel like a failure as soon as they get upset by the past, or as soon as they let what someone says affect them, or whatever.

They don't prize perfection? Then the analysis fails straightaway doesn't it?

You're wrong. If you lived as that list suggests, you would find how much more free you would feel.

My point is that nobody could live by that list unless they're very robotic. Lists of how to be a perfect person are always doomed to fail.

veya_victaous wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:

My point is that nobody could live by that list unless they're very robotic. Lists of how to be a perfect person are always doomed to fail.

not mocking your faith  

but you just explained one of the reasons i prefer ideas like the great rainbow serpent over abrahamic god.
This list like any list including the commandment etc is an attempt to create order in a chaotic universe

surely it is easier just to accept/embrace that we exist in a chaotic universe
thus maybe perfection is in the chaos of chaos and not the attempt to find order in it.

to be human is to be chaotic because we have evolved to live in a chaotic universe.