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Nine Words Used By Women
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing..... (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)


(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').


( Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F___ YOU!


(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.


* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they might avoid if they remember
the terminology.


* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, because they know it's true!!!

A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a female sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him.
After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the female sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.

That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave-in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Hillary knew they might be shipwrecked forever, batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said,

“Please take the dog for a walk.”

“Hello, You have reached the ‘Men’s Help Line.’ My name is Bob. How can I help you?”











“Hi BOB, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs; The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with ‘the girls’ a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home.
"So I hid in the garage behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone’s car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket.

Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?”