heaven help me!

Hey all, this is Bairen/nesta/omani . I need some advice from all the parents out there. My wife is 8 weeks pregnant and I don't know how to handle her when she starts to get mad. I am a very patient and relaxed person and usually my wife is as well, but now that she is pregnant she has turned into an unstable monster. She'll fly off the hook over the smallest things and nothing I say or do makes her calm down. I tried just leaving when she got mad (because it seemed like the longer I was around the more irate she got) but then she got mad at me for leaving. Then the next time I stayed and tried to get her to relax and think logically and she got mad at me for that as well. If I agree with her, she gets mad, if I disagree with her, she gets mad. I feel like I'm in a catch 22. Is there any way to cope with the insanity of a pregnant woman's logic and wrath? I knew pregnancy was hell for women, but I didn't realize it would be such a nightmare for me as well. Well...only 32 weeks to go.

I've ridden that roller coaster twice so I might have a few things that might help.

The flying off the hook is just the hormones talking. Remember the angriest you've ever been in your life. Now imagine you suddenly feel that way at random for no particular reason at all. That's what your wife is feeling. Recognise that she is not angry at you as such. Yes, she's angry and the yelling may be directed at you but the usual rules don't apply so try not to take what she may say too personally. Don't try to calm her down using logic or reason or pretty much anything else. This does not end well for you. Just be there and ride it out. If your normally calm, rational wife can't control what the hormones are making her feel there is nothing you can say that is going to make any difference. The good news is that this will probably pass soon. Until then, learn to duck.

If you haven't already you may soon hit food cravings. Providing it is safe for human consumption just roll with it - even if it involves an unpleasant combination of foods. During my wife's first pregnancy the was vanilla ice cream. I expressed concern to our doctor about how much she was getting through. He told me that yes, it was more than was good for her but if I had plans to try and get her to cut down or take it off her I should set my affairs in order first. The second pregnancy it was home made coleslaw. I got to the point where I would dream about cutting up cabbage. If she does have regular craving then for the love of all that is good make sure you keep plenty of it on hand and as close to ready to serve as possible. The quicker you can serve it on demand the better your life will be. Don't be surprised if at some point you get woken up in the middle of the night because she has a mad craving for something. I recommend getting up and going to get it. If you get back and at some point while you were gone she decided she didn't actually want that any more don't make a fuss - this also comes under the broad heading of things that don't end well for you.

If you haven't already learn some basic massage. Her shoulders, back, feet, and possibly more will get very sore. Very often a foot massage or a back rub will do her and you the world of good. If there is anything out there that will calm a pregnant woman I think this is it.

Hang on for the wild ride. When you get to hold your own child for the first time it is so beyond worth it.

Thanks Ixuzus. I've already been on a lot of food runs to quell her cravings (usually fried noodles). Her mother has told her all sorts of crazy things she can't do while pregnant (like wear silver, or drink anything cold) so I'm trying to kindly dispel the Chinese superstition without insulting "tradition". One of the things her mother told her was that if she gets any massages while pregnant that it will kill the baby, so until I can convince her otherwise, massages are out.

I really need to make a list of all the insane Chinese superstition that I've been told as "fact" over the years. Some are hilarious.

Confuscious say man who walk through airport turn-style sideways is going to Bankok. sorry i can't help. i have 3 grown children and one just turning into a young adult. i don't remember her being that mad. maybe i just blocked it out.