Celebrity partners for forumites

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:17 pm

Sassy - Daniel Radcliffe - , young, broody, handsome and always ready with his wand.

JD - Susan Boyle - Braw Scots lassy with a classy chassis. She will sing fer her supper.

Irn Bru - Kirsty Young - Intelligent,infectious laugh and will always bring the latest news and gossip.

Catman - Tom Daley - fit, buff, ridiculously handsome and apparently has stallion like stamina!

Scrat - Anne Widdecombe - brilliant orator, wise old bird and a formidable political opponent - bound to light his fire!

Ben - Miley Cyrus - perfect target for practicing his twerk!

Sexy Mama - Daniel Craig in "those" trunks. He would be bursting out of them.

Hugh Jardon - Katie Hopkins - as described by the late Peaches Geldof " it seems Katie Hopkins is even more of a sore loser than we all thought. She's now using her rent-a-gob "talents" to bitterly rant about me in her brilliantly terrible Sun "column" after getting fully arse whipped by me on This Morning," she retorted.

"In the end, she failed to prepare any sensical arguments because evidently she thought I was going to be a pushover. Watching it back, seeing her wizened orange-hued face turn from smug self-satisfaction to sheer horror is absolutely priceless.

"It's even more classic that she is failing to hang on to the last shred of dignity she has left by being such a sore loser and slagging me off in the press with pure lies about me winning because she was forced to have s**t arguments by show producers.

"What a lol excuse. Really Katie, you may just have to face up to the fact you lost because your points made no sense and because you are a complete and utter idiot. Being a backwards old hag isn't a career choice. Apologies again for rinsing you live on TV."

"This is the woman who wrote of a disabled sporting hero that she hoped that she would roll over nails on her way to a tv appearance. This is the woman who hates women, ethnic minorities, anyone with less money, anyone who dares point out the glaringly obvious her own children on a regular basis. I wouldn't be surprised if she had a shrivelled old pair of balls under that 1980s sloaney tweed skirt of hers.

"All the better to castrate her with. What we need to ask ourselves is why we even allow her to have a platform. It says a lot about the state of current media that she is allowed to spew her repugnant hate all over day time tv shows.

"I'm all for free speech, but when a woman who insults the disabled is the current fave in a long line of ever changing "love to hate" tabloid darlings we must ask ourselves, what is next? Hitler being exhumed from his grave, reanimated and allowed as a contestant on the Apprentice or a commentator on itv??"

Peaches certainly had Hopkins sussed out. Hugh and Katie is a marriage made in hell and would produce the spawn of the devil.

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:26 pm

may i suggest shrek for SM it seems a match made in heaven.... Smile

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:32 pm

Lord Moletrousers can have Betty Boothroyd , bet there would be some great debates over candlelit dinners.

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:40 pm

Handy Andy wrote:Sassy - Daniel Radcliffe - , young, broody, handsome and always ready with his wand.

JD - Susan Boyle - Braw Scots lassy with a classy chassis. She will sing fer her supper.

Irn Bru - Kirsty Young - Intelligent,infectious laugh and will always bring the latest news and gossip.

Catman - Tom Daley - fit, buff, ridiculously handsome and apparently has stallion like stamina!

Scrat - Anne Widdecombe - brilliant orator, wise old bird and a formidable political opponent - bound to light his fire!

Ben - Miley Cyrus - perfect target for practicing his twerk!

Sexy Mama - Daniel Craig in "those" trunks. He would be bursting out of them.

Hugh Jardon - Katie Hopkins - as described by the late Peaches Geldof " it seems Katie Hopkins is even more of a sore loser than we all thought. She's now using her rent-a-gob "talents" to bitterly rant about me in her brilliantly terrible Sun "column" after getting fully arse whipped by me on This Morning," she retorted.

"In the end, she failed to prepare any sensical arguments because evidently she thought I was going to be a pushover. Watching it back, seeing her wizened orange-hued face turn from smug self-satisfaction to sheer horror is absolutely priceless.

"It's even more classic that she is failing to hang on to the last shred of dignity she has left by being such a sore loser and slagging me off in the press with pure lies about me winning because she was forced to have s**t arguments by show producers.

"What a lol excuse. Really Katie, you may just have to face up to the fact you lost because your points made no sense and because you are a complete and utter idiot. Being a backwards old hag isn't a career choice. Apologies again for rinsing you live on TV."

"This is the woman who wrote of a disabled sporting hero that she hoped that she would roll over nails on her way to a tv appearance. This is the woman who hates women, ethnic minorities, anyone with less money, anyone who dares point out the glaringly obvious her own children on a regular basis. I wouldn't be surprised if she had a shrivelled old pair of balls under that 1980s sloaney tweed skirt of hers.

"All the better to castrate her with. What we need to ask ourselves is why we even allow her to have a platform. It says a lot about the state of current media that she is allowed to spew her repugnant hate all over day time tv shows.

"I'm all for free speech, but when a woman who insults the disabled is the current fave in a long line of ever changing "love to hate" tabloid darlings we must ask ourselves, what is next? Hitler being exhumed from his grave, reanimated and allowed as a contestant on the Apprentice or a commentator on itv??"

Peaches certainly had Hopkins sussed out. Hugh and Katie is a marriage made in hell and would produce the spawn of the devil.

FFS Andy!!....Susan Boyle!!....can you not swap me and Irn's around? Laughing

Funny as fcuk though mate!! Smile

Hopkins,,,the wifie who said she judges her daughter's friends by name!....

Can you imagine the regret of the poor bastard who stuck his pencil in her ?...not too mention looking at that big huge round face of hers!!!...that's maybe a bit mean actually, she can't control the way she looks but she can the way she acts and what she says.

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:42 pm

I am sure Subo would be happy to accommodate both you and IB simultaneously.
With room for me to spare!

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:43 pm

Handy Andy wrote:I am sure Subo would be happy to accommodate both you and IB simultaneously.
With room for me to spare!

by SEXY MAMA Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:53 pm

Handy Andy wrote:Sassy - Daniel Radcliffe - , young, broody, handsome and always ready with his wand.

JD - Susan Boyle - Braw Scots lassy with a classy chassis. She will sing fer her supper.

Irn Bru - Kirsty Young - Intelligent,infectious laugh and will always bring the latest news and gossip.

Catman - Tom Daley - fit, buff, ridiculously handsome and apparently has stallion like stamina!

Scrat - Anne Widdecombe - brilliant orator, wise old bird and a formidable political opponent - bound to light his fire!

Ben - Miley Cyrus - perfect target for practicing his twerk!

Sexy Mama - Daniel Craig in "those" trunks. He would be bursting out of them.

Hugh Jardon - Katie Hopkins - as described by the late Peaches Geldof " it seems Katie Hopkins is even more of a sore loser than we all thought. She's now using her rent-a-gob "talents" to bitterly rant about me in her brilliantly terrible Sun "column" after getting fully arse whipped by me on This Morning," she retorted.

"In the end, she failed to prepare any sensical arguments because evidently she thought I was going to be a pushover. Watching it back, seeing her wizened orange-hued face turn from smug self-satisfaction to sheer horror is absolutely priceless.

"It's even more classic that she is failing to hang on to the last shred of dignity she has left by being such a sore loser and slagging me off in the press with pure lies about me winning because she was forced to have s**t arguments by show producers.

"What a lol excuse. Really Katie, you may just have to face up to the fact you lost because your points made no sense and because you are a complete and utter idiot. Being a backwards old hag isn't a career choice. Apologies again for rinsing you live on TV."

"This is the woman who wrote of a disabled sporting hero that she hoped that she would roll over nails on her way to a tv appearance. This is the woman who hates women, ethnic minorities, anyone with less money, anyone who dares point out the glaringly obvious her own children on a regular basis. I wouldn't be surprised if she had a shrivelled old pair of balls under that 1980s sloaney tweed skirt of hers.

"All the better to castrate her with. What we need to ask ourselves is why we even allow her to have a platform. It says a lot about the state of current media that she is allowed to spew her repugnant hate all over day time tv shows.

"I'm all for free speech, but when a woman who insults the disabled is the current fave in a long line of ever changing "love to hate" tabloid darlings we must ask ourselves, what is next? Hitler being exhumed from his grave, reanimated and allowed as a contestant on the Apprentice or a commentator on itv??"

Peaches certainly had Hopkins sussed out. Hugh and Katie is a marriage made in hell and would produce the spawn of the devil.

Haha Daniel Craig in those trunks >>>>>>>>>>>> cheers

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:13 pm

Danial Radcliffe, bless him, he's just a baby, though he does look very much like my second husband lol

I want Yul Brynner (when he was alive!)

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:19 pm

Sassy wrote:Danial Radcliffe, bless him, he's just a baby, though he does look very much like my second husband lol

I want Yul Brynner (when he was alive!)

I was going to suggest Voldemort, but I have saved him for Allakaka.

by Ben Reilly Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:19 pm

Miley Cyrus?

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:24 pm

Ben_Reilly wrote:Miley Cyrus?

Haha, it was a toss up between Miley and Oprah Winfrey. I plumped for youth over experience.
Britney Spears came a close runner up.

by Ben Reilly Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:28 pm

Handy Andy wrote:
Ben_Reilly wrote:Miley Cyrus?
Haha, it was a toss up between Miley and Oprah Winfrey. I plumped for youth over experience.
Britney Spears came a close runner up.

Wow ... I'm speechless Laughing

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:39 pm

Ben_Reilly wrote:Miley Cyrus?

I was going to have Miley myself, but when she twerks it would be like impaling her with a telegraph pole.

by Ben Reilly Tue Apr 08, 2014 9:49 pm

Handy Andy wrote:
Ben_Reilly wrote:Miley Cyrus?
I was going to have Miley myself, but when she twerks it would be like impaling her with a telegraph pole.

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:02 pm

This thread reminds me of that Onion article "Woman Mentally Breaks Up With Colin Farrell". It was packed from start to finish with gems like "As much as I loved him, I had no option but to break things off as I felt he wasn't showing me enough imaginary affection".

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:07 pm

fer gawds sake DONT find me one...who the hell would want to be saddled with one of those self centered air heads...

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:11 pm

You are more than welcome to choose your oqn perfect partner. But it must be an outrageous choice.

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:11 pm

lovedust wrote:
This thread reminds me of that Onion article "Woman Mentally Breaks Up With Colin Farrell". It was packed from start to finish with gems like "As much as I loved him, I had no option but to break things off as I felt he wasn't showing me enough imaginary affection".

://?roflmao?/: ://?roflmao?/: ://?roflmao?/:

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:13 pm

Handy Andy wrote:You are more than welcome to choose your oqn perfect partner. But it must be an outrageous choice.

Seven.....

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:15 pm

victorisnotamused wrote:
Handy Andy wrote:You are more than welcome to choose your oqn perfect partner. But it must be an outrageous choice.

Seven.....

In Blake's Seven? Or was the Severn?

Just looked, it was Servalan, so definitely not who you were talking about!

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:17 pm

Start Trek Voyager's Seven of Nine. Jeri Ryan.

Corrr, I would.

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:17 pm

Handy Andy wrote:You are more than welcome to choose your oqn perfect partner. But it must be an outrageous choice.

Tom Daley doesn't interest me sexually at all Andy, now Owen Jones (crush again Laughing

) is a different kettle of fish. Razz

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:22 pm

Good call Phil. Certainly no political arguements with Owen.
Billy Bragg for Durham?

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:22 pm

Handy Andy wrote:Start Trek Voyager's Seven of Nine. Jeri Ryan.

Corrr, I would.

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:26 pm

http://www.isxdead.com/person/151380/Jeri%20Ryan
.

Yummy.

by Irn Bru Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:29 pm

Kirsty Young will do for me and anyway I'm fast approaching the stage in my life where any female with a pulse may do Laughing

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:30 pm

Handy Andy wrote:http://www.isxdead.com/person/151380/Jeri%20Ryan
.

Yummy.

I'd happily make her a yummy mummy Embarassed

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:31 pm

Irn Bru wrote:Kirsty Young will do for me and anyway I'm fast approaching the stage in my life where any female with a pulse may do

oh dear.......

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:31 pm

Irn Bru wrote:Kirsty Young will do for me and anyway I'm fast approaching the stage in my life where any female with a pulse may do

oh you poor old thing you! lol!

I don't believe that for an instant!

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:32 pm

Me too Irn.
Putting it coarsely, I need my women well used and built like the Blackwall tunnel.
Don't want discomfort.

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:34 pm

Irn Bru wrote:Kirsty Young will do for me and anyway I'm fast approaching the stage in my life where any female with a pulse may do

green wellie time....see seren.....baaaaaaa!

by eddie Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:59 pm

Handy Andy wrote:
Ben_Reilly wrote:Miley Cyrus?
I was going to have Miley myself, but when she twerks it would be like impaling her with a telegraph pole.

Yuck!!!! She's young enough to be your daughters!!
I hate that.

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 11:22 pm

eddie wrote:
Handy Andy wrote:
I was going to have Miley myself, but when she twerks it would be like impaling her with a telegraph pole.

Yuck!!!! She's young enough to be your daughters!!
I hate that.

It's alright to look, as long as you would never go there, even if given the chance.

Celebrity partners for forumites 4603558244

(He's on Eastenders)

by eddie Tue Apr 08, 2014 11:23 pm

Nope.
No.
No.

I cannot be attracted to someone young enough to be my son.
Sorry.
I just look and see a little boy.

by Andy Tue Apr 08, 2014 11:25 pm

Was gonna fix Dean up with Winona the Walrus.
Unfortunately, he already knows someone who is 23 stone, has a moustache and smells of fish.

by Guest Tue Apr 08, 2014 11:28 pm

eddie wrote:Nope.
No.
No.

I cannot be attracted to someone young enough to be my son.
Sorry.
I just look and see a little boy.

.....Like i said, you can look, but don't touch! Razz

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2014/02/14/video-eastenders-sam/

Great what he said, in that vid! Razz

by Cass Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:56 am

Can I have Jamie Oliver or Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall? Pretty please?

by Guest Wed Apr 09, 2014 3:31 am

Handy Andy wrote:Good call Phil. Certainly no political arguements with Owen.
Billy Bragg for Durham?

Guido...That fat RW ----, over there is his fucking bible! Laughing

by Guest Wed Apr 09, 2014 3:37 am

....Did Durrrrham, realise, just how camp Guido is?

Laughing

by Ben Reilly Wed Apr 09, 2014 5:07 am

eddie wrote:
Handy Andy wrote:
Ben_Reilly wrote:Miley Cyrus?
I was going to have Miley myself, but when she twerks it would be like impaling her with a telegraph pole.

Yuck!!!! She's young enough to be your daughters!!
I hate that.

Yeah, think she's about 18 years younger than me -- a bit beyond my limit. However, I usually date women who are 5-10 years younger than me; I think it's mainly because less of them are married ...

Since the idea of me dating any celebrity knockout is outrageous, I'll go with one of my favorites:

Celebrity partners for forumites Jessica-alba-peoples-choice-awards-2014-arrivals_4015548

Celebrity partners for forumites Jessica-alba-peoples-choice-awards-2014-arrivals_4015548

Jessica Alba, a true beauty Smile

by Ben Reilly Wed Apr 09, 2014 7:08 am

Meant to add earlier -- sexual exploitation of the young and inexperienced is no longer the sole province of men Smile

One of my good friends to this day, I met her because she was hitting on me when she was 34, and I was ... 17. Almost exactly half her age. Though to be fair to her, she thought I was 18 at the time ...

by Guest Wed Apr 09, 2014 8:45 am

Handy Andy wrote:Was gonna fix Dean up with Winona the Walrus.
Unfortunately, he already knows someone who is 23 stone, has a moustache and smells of fish.

Didn't know he knew you personally Andy.

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