People assume if you have HIV you’ve been sleeping around or using needles - that wasn’t me

Real life: Rachel Dilley

Emmerdale’s hard-hitting HIV plot sent a chill down Rachel Dilley’s spine... It was like watching her life ­being played out on TV.

Rachel had more reason than most to be glued to the turmoil experienced by Val Pollard on the ITV soap, she told the Sunday People.

Just like the Emmerdale character she had been diagnosed with the ­virus – and it was sexually transmitted.

Val’s HIV was the result of a holiday fling. Rachel’s from online dating after the end of a 20-year relationship.

She recalled: “When I was given my diagnosis it was like I had walked into a brick wall. I just thought this can’t be happening to me.”

Aged 48 and a grandmother of three, she never used drugs or slept around.

But when she split from her children’s dad she decided it might be fun to try online dating.

Her first date was a disaster but when she met Fergie in 2004 they hit it off straight away.

“He was funny. He took me out for meals,” she said. “We did ­normal stuff together. The kids liked him.

“I thought ­everything was going OK and it would be my next relationship.”

They had unprotected sex because Rachel knew she was not ­going to get pregnant.

Yet her doubts about Fergie began to grow and after three months disappeared.

“I had seen a few suspicious things. I had been round his flat. He told me his name was one thing and on the mail was another name.

"He’d moved from various different addresses, so I was getting suspicious.”




Emmerdale: Val Pollard


A few months later charity shop volunteer Rachel, of Harpenden, Herts, was suddenly hit by a mystery illness and spent two weeks in bed.

“It was a flu-like thing – aches, ­running hot and cold and other ­symptoms.

"My glands were all swollen. I couldn’t taste food. I had no appetite. I felt really rough.

“I went to my GP a couple of days later. She examined me down below and there was some sort of ulcer. I was sent straight to a clinic.

"They said something about an HIV test and I said, ‘Yes, whatever. I’m not going to have that. Why would I have that?’

“I went back a week later. I wasn’t worried as I thought they’d say you’ve got this nasty bug. But she said, ‘I’m sorry to tell you, you’re HIV positive.'

"I thought ‘How can I be?’ People ­assume if you have HIV you’ve been sleeping around or putting ­needles in your arm. That wasn’t me.”

“Growing up, I saw African people on the news dying of Aids and I thought only African people could get it.

"I never in a million years thought that I would get it.”

The news devastated Rachel.

She recalled: “One day I just stopped the car and started crying. I thought I was going to die. I thought about my kids.

"How would they feel?

“For a month or so I went through different feelings and emotions.

"One day I’d feel like I was going to die and then another day, when the sun was shining, I thought I’m not going to feel sorry for myself, I’m going to fight this and I’m going to be all right.

"Ever since then I’ve tried to do just that.”

Rachel did not think Fergie needed to use condoms as she could no longer have a baby.

“You get to my age and you think everything is OK. I hadn’t used condoms as I didn’t see any need to.

"I didn’t know anything about HIV so I thought I’d take the chance.

“We never discussed condoms. It sounds stupid when you look back.”

Now she is worried that Fergie could be inadvertently or on purpose passing on HIV to other women.

But she has been unable to track him down.

Rachel’s three grown-up children, aged 30, 28 and 26, have helped her through the ordeal.

She said: “I told my kids and they were shocked. But they knew more about HIV than I did because the way education has come on now.

“At first, like me, they were scared. My son said, ‘You’re going to die, like Mark Fowler on EastEnders.’

“But now, with medication, we all know I can live a long life.”

HIV is incurable and if ­untreated can lead to deadly Aids.

But drugs mean ­sufferers can live a long time. The virus can be spread by ­unprotected sex or ­sharing infected needles.

The reaction from ­other people in Rachel’s life was less supportive. Some friends shunned her, fearing they would catch HIV from her.

She said: “I had this strange idea it was a good to tell everybody. I was telling people everywhere.

"My ­daughter said to me ‘Don’t tell ­everyone. Some people are not nice’.

“I told a friend and he told his friends, who have children.

"Then he came back to me saying he wasn’t ­allowed to take me to their house as they didn’t want the children ­catching it. I wanted to find out where they lived and give them a lesson on HIV.

"But then I thought that I was once like them. I’d have said the same thing at one time so how can I judge them?”

In fact Rachel, who takes a daily mix of ­prescription drugs and has regular health check-ups, is more concerned about catching illnesses from other people.

She said: “If I get your cold then I could get pneumonia and end up in hospital.

“My sister isn’t bothered about my HIV. We will share a teacup.”

Rachel thoroughly approves of Emmerdale challenging stereotypes by giving middle-aged Val – played by Charlie Hardwick, 53 – the virus.

“It’s really good to see a programme, which millions of people watch, ­address the issue of HIV,” said Rachel, who is a trustee of The Crescent centre in St Albans, which provides support and care for HIV sufferers.

“It’s great they’re showing a woman who was with a man for a long time then made one little mistake and got HIV.

“People are going to go, ‘Oh, I thought you had to sleep with loads of men to catch that.’ It shows one person on one night is enough.

“It’s great to show everyone these people are not so bad, we can sit next to them and not catch anything. They’re not dirty, nasty people.

"Val said she felt dirty and horrible. I felt like that but I don’t now. The more visible it is the more accepting people will be of it.

"I hope it makes people realise they have to be careful.”

But Rachel’s brief fling hasn’t ­destroyed all her trust in men.

“I met someone else and was seeing him for a while. I told him almost straight away and we were safe.

He just treats me like a normal person. Not all men are like that, though. I dated a policeman and when I told him, he said he couldn’t deal with it, he was too scared.”

Rachel does worry about her virus but refuses to let it define her. “When I get ill I fear it’s the HIV . Is my body falling apart?

"Is everything getting eaten away and destroyed?

“At the same I want to live. Although I’m scared I still want to fight.

“Sometimes it’s tiring. I get tired of feeling like I’m fighting. Some days are a struggle then something happens to pick you back up.”

“Yes, it was my own fault. But I’m still me. I’m a better person, happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life.

"My life changed in so many ways. I used to suffer from depression. I used to want to die sometimes. Now I really want to live.

"I find I’m much more ­appreciative of things now.

“I hope to live a long and healthy life. I don’t feel unlucky.

“I have kids and ­grandchildren. I’ve got a lot to be ­grateful for.”

The Crescent, run by volunteers, relies on public donations. Donate via thecrescent.org.uk.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/people-assume-you-hiv-youve-3221635#ixzz2vPAeA9Ak
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What a bloody brilliant article, will go a long way to dispel some of the myths associated with the disease, and perhaps educate, but i doubt that very much, some imbeciles on certain other sites, like the RW scum Durham & his nasty RW scum sidekick Hugh, that the term 'bio-hazard' isn't a nice term to use, someone should kick those two under the nearest bus.   

I often wonder if Hugh and Durham are Drinky incarnations, as they all come from the same area.

Catman wrote:I often wonder if Hugh and Durham are Drinky incarnations, as they all come from the same area.

Durham is North East; Hugh, North West; Drinky is from Chester if I remember right- all northern but very much spread across the region phil- we aren't just one big village up here cats   

Eilzel wrote:

Catman wrote:I often wonder if Hugh and Durham are Drinky incarnations, as they all come from the same area.

Durham is North East; Hugh, North West; Drinky is from Chester if I remember right- all northern but very much spread across the region phil- we aren't just one big village up here cats   

I seem to remember Durham and Hugh saying that they live quite close, must have got that wrong then, perhaps it was lost in translation somewhere.

A few things strike me about this article.
Firstly I'm glad that it highlights that it's not just a "gay disease" as some ignoramuses think.

But, how stupid do you have to be, nowadays, to NOT use a condom until you've both been tested together?
What kind of a person would knowingly sleep with someone and give them HIV?
And when her son had to compare her with another 'famous' person who died of AIDS, he came up with..........Mark bloody Fowler???? Hahahahahaha

Sorry. Just had to point that out.

To tell you the truth I am appalled at the level of ignorance this reveals in older people. She talks about her sister sharing her teacup as if that is some biggie.

I did not think people could still show that level of ignorance and I dont see age as an excuse. If this woman had not made a mistake she would still be in her secure little world where HIV people were scum of the earth.

eddie wrote:A few things strike me about this article.
Firstly I'm glad that it highlights that it's not just a "gay disease" as some ignoramuses think.

But, how stupid do you have to be, nowadays, to NOT use a condom until you've both been tested together?
What kind of a person would knowingly sleep with someone and give them HIV?
And when her son had to compare her with another 'famous' person who died of AIDS, he came up with..........Mark bloody Fowler???? Hahahahahaha

Sorry. Just had to point that out.

I seem to remember that the last time that the illness was dealt with on a soap, was indeed that character from Eastenders.

Catman wrote:

eddie wrote:A few things strike me about this article.
Firstly I'm glad that it highlights that it's not just a "gay disease" as some ignoramuses think.

But, how stupid do you have to be, nowadays, to NOT use a condom until you've both been tested together?
What kind of a person would knowingly sleep with someone and give them HIV?
And when her son had to compare her with another 'famous' person who died of AIDS, he came up with..........Mark bloody Fowler???? Hahahahahaha

Sorry. Just had to point that out.

I seem to remember that the last time that the illness was dealt with on a soap, was indeed that character from Eastenders.

Hmmmmm, but get with the times!! Do these people only know soap characters?

eddie wrote:

Catman wrote:

I seem to remember that the last time that the illness was dealt with on a soap, was indeed that character from Eastenders.

Hmmmmm, but get with the times!! Do these people only know soap characters?

What do you mean by 'these people' can you expand on that?

Catman wrote:

eddie wrote:


Hmmmmm, but get with the times!! Do these people only know soap characters?

What do you mean by 'these people' can you expand on that?

Her family members?
It was her son who said it yes? It was a joke Phill. Chill!

eddie wrote:

Catman wrote:

What do you mean by 'these people' can you expand on that?

Her family members?
It was her son who said it yes? It was a joke Phill. Chill!

Bit condescending.

Surely people don't still think that HIV only affects those who sleep around do they? Don't they know anything about how the virus works?

I think the Emmerdale storyline is good. We mostly hear about young people getting HIV, and it did seem a bit incongruous what with these middle aged women and man getting tested. It's good to show that anyone can get it though.

Sexual diseases of all kinds are becoming widespread with older people.   Marriages are breaking up and women think if you are too old to get pregnant you're ok.   They were also brought up in a time you didn't have to think about things like HIV etc, just getting pregnant.   I think it is very understandable.   Older woman are normally very worried when they have sex with a new partner and don't like to bring up stuff about condoms etc (glad it never bothered me!) they weren't brought up to talk about sex.   I've got friends that I have stuck some in their handbags!

Sassy wrote:Sexual diseases of all kinds are becoming widespread with older people.   Marriages are breaking up and women think if you are too old to get pregnant you're ok.   They were also brought up in a time you didn't have to think about things like HIV etc, just getting pregnant.   I think it is very understandable.   Older woman are normally very worried when they have sex with a new partner and don't like to bring up stuff about condoms etc (glad it never bothered me!) they weren't brought up to talk about sex.   I've got friends that I have stuck some in their handbags!

HIV first came to people's attention in the early 1980s, so even older people should know about it by now. It's not as if there's been no information made available about it.

Raggamuffin wrote:

Sassy wrote:Sexual diseases of all kinds are becoming widespread with older people.   Marriages are breaking up and women think if you are too old to get pregnant you're ok.   They were also brought up in a time you didn't have to think about things like HIV etc, just getting pregnant.   I think it is very understandable.   Older woman are normally very worried when they have sex with a new partner and don't like to bring up stuff about condoms etc (glad it never bothered me!) they weren't brought up to talk about sex.   I've got friends that I have stuck some in their handbags!

HIV first came to people's attention in the early 1980s, so even older people should know about it by now. It's not as if there's been no information made available about it.

Yes, but they were in marriages that had lasted 20, 30 years, they never thought it was going to apply to them.

Sassy wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:

HIV first came to people's attention in the early 1980s, so even older people should know about it by now. It's not as if there's been no information made available about it.

Yes, but they were in marriages that had lasted 20, 30 years, they never thought it was going to apply to them.

They probably weren't at the time, and even if they were, that doesn't excuse them being ignorant about it now. Most people have understood about HIV for years.

Raggamuffin wrote:

Sassy wrote:

Yes, but they were in marriages that had lasted 20, 30 years, they never thought it was going to apply to them.

They probably weren't at the time, and even if they were, that doesn't excuse them being ignorant about it now. Most people have understood about HIV for years.

I, for example, got married in 1967, so yes, they were. And if you have never been in that situation and never had the upbringing they had, you simply cannot have a clue about why they behave that way.

Sassy wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:

They probably weren't at the time, and even if they were, that doesn't excuse them being ignorant about it now. Most people have understood about HIV for years.

I, for example, got married in 1967, so yes, they were.   And if you have never been in that situation and never had the upbringing they had, you simply cannot have a clue about why they behave that way.

I can't believe people are so ignorant, even if they think HIV won't affect them. Don't they read anything? You'd have to be living on another planet not to have heard about HIV and how it's transmitted. I can understand them not worrying about it beforehand, but this business of being surprised when they get it is silly.

Raggamuffin wrote:

Sassy wrote:

I, for example, got married in 1967, so yes, they were.   And if you have never been in that situation and never had the upbringing they had, you simply cannot have a clue about why they behave that way.

I can't believe people are so ignorant, even if they think HIV won't affect them. Don't they read anything? You'd have to be living on another planet not to have heard about HIV and how it's transmitted. I can understand them not worrying about it beforehand, but this business of being surprised when they get it is silly.

 ::hdintowll:: ::hdintowll:: ::hdintowll:: ::hdintowll:: 


We know that. But they are terrified of talking about sex, and they find the thought of talking about condoms etc with a new partner untenable.

I know it's stupid, but it's to do with the way they have lived their lives, and they need help to talk about sex etc. I know men that age who won't go to the doctor when they think they have something bad because they'd rather die than go through an examination.

Sassy wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:

I can't believe people are so ignorant, even if they think HIV won't affect them. Don't they read anything? You'd have to be living on another planet not to have heard about HIV and how it's transmitted. I can understand them not worrying about it beforehand, but this business of being surprised when they get it is silly.

 ::hdintowll:: ::hdintowll:: ::hdintowll:: ::hdintowll:: 


We know that.   But they are terrified of talking about sex, and they find the thought of talking about condoms etc with a new partner untenable.    

I know it's stupid, but it's to do with the way they have lived their lives, and they need help to talk about sex etc.   I know men that age who won't go to the doctor when they think they have something bad because they'd rather die than go through an examination.

Look at the things she thought though.

I thought ‘How can I be?’ People ­assume if you have HIV you’ve been sleeping around or putting ­needles in your arm. That wasn’t me.”

“Growing up, I saw African people on the news dying of Aids and I thought only African people could get it.

"I never in a million years thought that I would get it.”

She was diagnosed in 2004. Who on earth thought those things about HIV in 2004?

Quite besides that didnt anyone married in 67 worry about their children when the big scare campaigns came on in the late 80s? I mean my mum married only a couple of years after that and she talked to me about it and I was only in my early teens. If people weren't thinking it would affect them surely they were making sure their children knew the facts and how to protect themselves.

Raggamuffin wrote:

Sassy wrote:

 ::hdintowll:: ::hdintowll:: ::hdintowll:: ::hdintowll:: 


We know that.   But they are terrified of talking about sex, and they find the thought of talking about condoms etc with a new partner untenable.    

I know it's stupid, but it's to do with the way they have lived their lives, and they need help to talk about sex etc.   I know men that age who won't go to the doctor when they think they have something bad because they'd rather die than go through an examination.

Look at the things she thought though.

I thought ‘How can I be?’ People ­assume if you have HIV you’ve been sleeping around or putting ­needles in your arm. That wasn’t me.”

“Growing up, I saw African people on the news dying of Aids and I thought only African people could get it.

"I never in a million years thought that I would get it.”

She was diagnosed in 2004. Who on earth thought those things about HIV in 2004?

  

   I get sick and tired of mentioning Africa, where this terrible disease started, and plane travel...etc..etc..etc, It was identified firstly in New York, in the gay community...Only because it was such a small community, and certain people had the money to fund, and to discover what HIV was.

Worldwide, this terrible disease effects more straight people, than ever it effected gay people....The gay section of society started to get tested...That's the only reason that the stats mostly show up gay people, or people from Africa now, straight/white/heterosexual people, generally never thought that HIV/AIDS would ever effect them, is the biggest lie ever

How much would have it have cost to treat everyone, so better to create a myth?

Catman wrote:

eddie wrote:

Her family members?
It was her son who said it yes? It was a joke Phill. Chill!

Bit condescending.

Yes some people do think jokes are condescending.
Mark Fowler was always frowning.

eddie wrote:

Catman wrote:

Bit condescending.

Yes some people do think jokes are condescending.
Mark Fowler was always frowning.

The original actor was very depressed (Scarboro) i used to sign him on, when i worked at the job centre, in Bromley, Kent....I can still remember his face, he threw himself off beachy head.

....That was when, we just used to sign people on, there was no interrogation.

Yes but none of this would have happened if homosexuals hadn't had sex with monkeys in the first place.

Shady wrote:Yes but none of this would have happened if homosexuals hadn't had sex with monkeys in the first place.

Someone's bored   

Eilzel wrote:

Shady wrote:Yes but none of this would have happened if homosexuals hadn't had sex with monkeys in the first place.

Someone's bored   

Lol morning les x

I'm sorry to burst everybody's bubble, patting each other on the back etc but it was a homosexual disease and it's because of their promiscuity that some normal people have it.

It's still mainly those who have sex in toilets and shoot up that are at risk.

Just like the rest of you, i don't like the above, but that's the way it is and we're not all afraid of the facts.

BigAndy9 wrote:I'm sorry to burst everybody's bubble, patting each other on the back etc but it was a homosexual disease and it's because of their promiscuity that some normal people have it.

It's still mainly those who have sex in toilets and shoot up that are at risk.

Just like the rest of you, i don't like the above, but that's the way it is and we're not all afraid of the facts.

Sadly the above is bullshit- but we can't all talk sense I guess, else who we would have to mock   

^morning eds x

BigAndy9 wrote:I'm sorry to burst everybody's bubble, patting each other on the back etc but it was a homosexual disease and it's because of their promiscuity that some normal people have it.

It's still mainly those who have sex in toilets and shoot up that are at risk.

Just like the rest of you, i don't like the above, but that's the way it is and we're not all afraid of the facts.

It's not a disease which is particular to homosexual men per se though. There are certain sexual practices which carry a higher risk of transmission of course.

Obviously, the more promiscuous someone is, the higher chance they have of sleeping with someone who has the virus.

It's pretty ignorant to assume that only gay men or drug users get HIV, or that only African people get it.

BigAndy9 wrote:I'm sorry to burst everybody's bubble, patting each other on the back etc but it was a homosexual disease and it's because of their promiscuity that some normal people have it.

It's still mainly those who have sex in toilets and shoot up that are at risk.

Just like the rest of you, i don't like the above, but that's the way it is and we're not all afraid of the facts.

With that attitude I hope you have regular checks.

sphinx wrote:

BigAndy9 wrote:I'm sorry to burst everybody's bubble, patting each other on the back etc but it was a homosexual disease and it's because of their promiscuity that some normal people have it.

It's still mainly those who have sex in toilets and shoot up that are at risk.

Just like the rest of you, i don't like the above, but that's the way it is and we're not all afraid of the facts.

With that attitude I hope you have regular checks.

Lol it's the "normal" people that I find funny.