Having a laugh on a forum.

[Syl]

Now and again a post just makes you LOL.
This one posted ages ago on Mumsnet is hilarious.



"Just started to spray paint a fence panel, must have startled poor pidge behind fence as it flapped up maniacally. I had a bit of a scream...whilst holding spray trigger.

Pidge is now half 'oak brown', sitting in tree. Can't quite tell if he's ok, not giving much away with facial expression.

Have googled "accidentally painted a pigeon" with disappointingly unresourceful results.

So, should i just chuck water at it & hope it comes off?? Turps would seem a little extreme."

[Syl]

Closer to home, Gels and HT (and others) often post really funny stuff on here.
Just shows if you wade through the gloom and doom you can often find something on a forum to make you smile.

[Syl]

Odd how no one can think of anything funny they have read on a forum, if it was a thread pointing out negativity I bet people would remember loads.

Forums have (in my opinion) changed since I first started posting over 10 years ago.
Maybe they reflect the state of the world in general.

[Tommy Monk]

Sorry Syl... but this year's been a bit grim for me so far... so not really in a "fun" mood at the moment...

[Syl]

Sorry Syl... but this year's been a bit grim for me so far... so not really in a "fun" mood at the moment...

I'm sorry to hear that Tommy.

I have to say when I was going through the worst time of my life forums really helped take my mind off what I was going through. I know that wont work for everyone, especially if the forum isn't a chatty one, but for me, at that time, it helped a lot.

Sincerely, I hope the year improves for you as it progresses. x

[Guest]

Friend of mine posted this on FB, it had me chuckling for ages



I've spent all morning thinking I'm an intrepid contestant tackling an ingenious n fiendish challenge on Crystal sodding Maze! But no! I'm just trying to put my fridge back together after cleaning it

Ive got a big fuck off american style fridge freezer that can drop the big n just fuck off!!!

I cannot for love nor money work the bastard thing out!!! Nor do I have enough swear words in my vocabulary to adequately express how contemptuous I feel over my lack of cognitive skills. For the love of all things sacred I give up!!! So sodding mad at myself

[Guest]

Humour is not allow on this forum

[Andy]

Humour is not allow on this forum

That's what happens when you allow far right, racist extremists to post.

[Guest]

Humour is not allow on this forum

That's what happens when you allow far right, racist extremists to post.

You're such a crusader andy

[Guest]

Humour is not allow on this forum

That's what happens when you allow far right, racist extremists to post.

Do you want to hear a racist joke about the South African flag Ben has displayed??

[Tommy Monk]

Thanks Syl...


Of course I hope to see funny stuff here and elsewhere still... and I will laugh when I see it...!

[Syl]

Thanks Syl...


Of course I hope to see funny stuff here and elsewhere still... and I will laugh when I see it...!

Well Gels post was funny. 

[Syl]

Friend of mine posted this on FB, it had me chuckling for ages



I've spent all morning thinking I'm an intrepid contestant tackling an ingenious n fiendish challenge on Crystal sodding Maze! But no! I'm just trying to put my fridge back together after cleaning it

Ive got a big fuck off american style fridge freezer that can drop the big n just fuck off!!!

I cannot for love nor money work the bastard thing out!!! Nor do I have enough swear words in my vocabulary to adequately express how contemptuous I feel over my lack of cognitive skills. For the love of all things sacred I give up!!! So sodding mad at myself

[JulesV]

Thanks Syl...


Of course I hope to see funny stuff here and elsewhere still...



and I will laugh when I see it...!

Promise? 

 

[Syl]

Thanks Syl...


Of course I hope to see funny stuff here and elsewhere still...



and I will laugh when I see it...!

Promise? 

 

Erm….maybe you had to be there.

Written humour is very different to face to face humour. There are some really funny witty people in person, but it doesn't always come across in the written word.

[Guest]

just picked this up on twitter

Holy shit. I’m at the park with Rory and a kid just insulted another kid by saying “your mommas so fat Donald trump tried to use her as a border wall” and Im laughing so hard I can’t breathe.
I don’t want to encourage this, but it’s so funny. They’re still going


kids stuff is great!

[Syl]

If you ever want a good laugh read some of the threads on Mumsnet, especially the ones talking about their kids.
Some are really witty, some are just so ridiculous they dont mean to be funny, but they are.

[Guest]

My dad had a seizure recently and is in hospital currently, mending slowly

but it took me back to when he had a stroke in 2011.  it was quite severe and although it didn't affect him physically, he was talking complete gobbledegook when he woke up.  it was fucking hilarious to listen to

one time i was in his little side room and he was trying to tell me something.  it took hours before i realised what it was.  You have to imagine everything my dad says as being said very slowly and carefully as he had to think hard about his words


DAD   a woman came in here earlier,,,spacunter

ME  was that her name?

DAD (chuckles) no, no, ,spare geranium, spare geranium, no no, spacunter.  she did a spacunter, no she had a spare geranium with her, no,,oh you know, it was long and long.  it wore me out (closes eyes)

ME did it hurt?

DAD No it just went on and on and on like a machine, a spacunter

ME ok, lets just leave it for now

some time later

DAD a woman came in earlier to see me

ME Yerrrs? we got that far before

DAD She was a square nester, no no, she was a square nester, no no just long and long and long

ME right, ok.  anything more?

DAD spacunter, no no no, spare geranium, no no no, square nester, no no,,,,Oh, on and on and on she went, asking me everything

light dawns

ME Dad, do you mean a questionnaire?

DAD (Beams triumpantly) YES YES

[Cass]

My dad had a seizure recently and is in hospital currently, mending slowly

but it took me back to when he had a stroke in 2011.  it was quite severe and although it didn't affect him physically, he was talking complete gobbledegook when he woke up.  it was fucking hilarious to listen to

one time i was in his little side room and he was trying to tell me something.  it took hours before i realised what it was.  You have to imagine everything my dad says as being said very slowly and carefully as he had to think hard about his words


DAD   a woman came in here earlier,,,spacunter

ME  was that her name?

DAD (chuckles) no, no, ,spare geranium, spare geranium, no no, spacunter.  she did a spacunter, no she had a spare geranium with her, no,,oh you know, it was long and long.  it wore me out (closes eyes)

ME did it hurt?

DAD No it just went on and on and on like a machine, a spacunter

ME ok, lets just leave it for now

some time later

DAD a woman came in earlier to see me

ME Yerrrs? we got that far before

DAD She was a square nester, no no, she was a square nester, no no just long and long and long

ME right, ok.  anything more?

DAD spacunter, no no no, spare geranium, no no no, square nester, no no,,,,Oh, on and on and on she went, asking me everything

light dawns

ME Dad, do you mean a questionnaire?

DAD (Beams triumpantly) YES YES

I’m sorry about your dad Gels. Sending positive vibes over t’internet to him
and you xx

[eddie]

Yeah, hope your dad gets better soon, Gels.

[Guest]

thanks, he is mending slowly - he's 83 next month, but he's determined to live to 110.

xx

[Cass]

thanks, he is mending slowly - he's 83 next month, but he's determined to live to 110.

xx

More power to him xx

[Syl]

My dad had a seizure recently and is in hospital currently, mending slowly

but it took me back to when he had a stroke in 2011.  it was quite severe and although it didn't affect him physically, he was talking complete gobbledegook when he woke up.  it was fucking hilarious to listen to

one time i was in his little side room and he was trying to tell me something.  it took hours before i realised what it was.  You have to imagine everything my dad says as being said very slowly and carefully as he had to think hard about his words


DAD   a woman came in here earlier,,,spacunter

ME  was that her name?

DAD (chuckles) no, no, ,spare geranium, spare geranium, no no, spacunter.  she did a spacunter, no she had a spare geranium with her, no,,oh you know, it was long and long.  it wore me out (closes eyes)

ME did it hurt?

DAD No it just went on and on and on like a machine, a spacunter

ME ok, lets just leave it for now

some time later

DAD a woman came in earlier to see me

ME Yerrrs? we got that far before

DAD She was a square nester, no no, she was a square nester, no no just long and long and long

ME right, ok.  anything more?

DAD spacunter, no no no, spare geranium, no no no, square nester, no no,,,,Oh, on and on and on she went, asking me everything

light dawns

ME Dad, do you mean a questionnaire?

DAD (Beams triumpantly) YES YES

Aww....I just saw this.

Hope your dad makes a good recovery Gels. x

[gelico]

New York Rider Magazine TM
1 May at 11:34 ·
I had tears rolling!
THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK

AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn' have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me.

The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn'nt managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.

I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn'nt heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasent the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.

[Syl]

That is the funniest thing I have ever read online.

I was trying to read it out to my OH but I couldn't, we were both laughing so much.

[Maddog]

Humour is not allow on this forum

I think it's allowed, but the ability of some posters to detect and deal with it is suspect.

[Ben Reilly]

Humour is not allow on this forum

*allowed

[Cass]

Oh gels. My sides ache!

[Original Quill]

As with any social context, humor can be used in a variety of ways. It can be used to ridicule; it can be used to mock a common experience. Humor is just another communication device.

If you wouldn't say it at a cocktail party, or a PTA meeting, don't say it here...and you won't get into trouble.

[Syl]

As with any social context, humor can be used in a variety of ways.  It can be used to ridicule; it can be used to mock a common experience.  Humor is just another communication device.

If you wouldn't say it at a cocktail party, or a PTA meeting, don't say it here...and you won't get into trouble.

I like the view that if you speak to people on forums the same way you would speak to people you invited in your house it works a lot better than hurling abuse and insults.
I was on a forum ages ago called 'Dallas Digest'.....they operated like that, disagree as much as you like, but do it with a sense of respect.

Why should we treat people with disdain just because we cant see them?

[gelico]

saw a post on FB from some bloke


when i make a woman breakfast in bed, all I would like is a simple 'thank you'. I don't need any of this 'How did you get into my house' nonsense.

[eddie]

Okay a quote from my daughter:

Me: “Jaz...can you walk a little faster, please?”

Her: “I can’t walk any faster without harassing my legs!”

[gelico]

Okay a quote from my daughter:

Me: “Jaz...can you walk a little faster, please?”

Her: “I can’t walk any faster without harassing my legs!”

harassing

clearly the apple didn't fall far from the tree

[eddie]

Okay a quote from my daughter:

Me: “Jaz...can you walk a little faster, please?”

Her: “I can’t walk any faster without harassing my legs!”

harassing

clearly the apple didn't fall far from the tree

You know, lots of people say that.

[gelico]

https://twitter.com/ThatBloke_Jesus




''The fact that sliced bread is considered your greatest invention is the main reason I haven't bothered coming back''

''In high school I was voted ‘Most likely to be crucified’''



''The secret to a good book is to ask some random goat herders to write it for you''

[gelico]

https://twitter.com/CromwellStuff/status/1190240612542488576

[eddie]

Okay didn’t know where to put this but I have to tell you that my daughter is weird, I mean she says weird stuff!

Today, we were watching a film together, she said she was thirsty and picked up her water. I said to her
“Come on hurry up!”

She replies

“Okay! Let me just flush my gum sockets with water!”

[Ben Reilly]

Edds and I signed our names at the bottom of the shopping list to test out our new pens that Vic made us.

This morning I woke up and checked the list, only to find my stepson's signature there as well

[eddie]

Okay didn’t know where to put this but I have to tell you that my daughter is weird, I mean she says weird stuff!

Today, we were watching a film together, she said she was thirsty and picked up her water. I said to her
“Come on hurry up!”

She replies

“Okay! Let me just flush my gum sockets with water!”

The more I think about this the more I wonder if she’s mentally imbalanced....

[Syl]

Funny thread this....and I just read the VEET post again and laughed throughout.

[eddie]

Funny thread this....and I just read the VEET post again and laughed throughout.

Did you have to flush your gum sockets with water?

[Syl]

Funny thread this....and I just read the VEET post again and laughed throughout.

Did you have to flush your gum sockets with water?

Only at the dentist.....and i think even they stopped that practice a few years ago.

[eddie]

Funny thread this....and I just read the VEET post again and laughed throughout.

Did you have to flush your gum sockets with water?

Only at the dentist.....and i think even they stopped that practice a few years ago.

I hate that pink stuff they make you gargle with! It makes me gag.

[Syl]

They stopped using any mouthwash in my practice a couple of years ago, probably some ridiculous health and safety rule.
Now you spend the next hour crunching up bits of filling or worse in your mouth instead of having the opportunity to rinse it out.

[Star24]

They stopped using any mouthwash in my practice a couple of years ago, probably some ridiculous health and safety rule.
Now you spend the next hour crunching up bits of filling or worse in your mouth instead of having the opportunity to rinse it out.

The mouthwash at our dentist was blue : but a very weak solution.
They were obviously making it last.

[Syl]

I was reading some old threads on the forum (as you do when lockdown seems endless) and I reread this one Gels posted a while ago.
If you feel like a laugh, read this....

"New York Rider Magazine TM
1 May at 11:34 ·
I had tears rolling!
THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK

AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn' have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me.

The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn'nt managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.

I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn'nt heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasent the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect."

[gelico]

Thanks for the reminder, syl

me 'n' beanie just re read this.

laughing all the way from 'elderly rastafarian' right to the end

[gelico]

So last night chilling with beanie and boss and boss's mate dropped over.  they ordered McDs and uber screwed up and delivered way more than they ordered.

they were happily chowing down when boss's mate Harry said to me ''do you want one of these extra drinks''?  I hesitated for a second and he winked at me and said  ''Go on, 'show us yer tits and you can have a drink''.  

It was so shocking and random and out the blue that we all fell about laughing for ages.

Boss told me after,,

''God, mum, I can't believe Harry saying that,,,,I wish I had his chutspah.  I would never dream of saying that to his mum, or anyone else's mum for that matter.  And the worse thing was,,,,I had to spud him out of pure respect for it,,,


hahahahahaha

 

[Syl]

And did you get an extra drink?

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