If you knew a parent had lied to get their child in a better school...

..Would you shop them or keep quiet?

This is a question that has caused a dilemma on Mumsnet recently. Education is important, a good one can map out a good future for your kids, a bad one has the opposite effect, so is this a trivial question or not, and what would you do if say your child, who did live in the right area was refused admission to a good school because they were full?

"A mum has sought advice after allegedly discovering another parent had misled the authorities to get their child into a better schools.
The mum, Alison, posted a message on Mumsnet asking others whether she should spill the beans.
"I am aware that someone has given false address to get into the primary school they wanted," Alison claims.
"They are not in the catchment area and its a very popular school.
"How do people feel about this? I do not agree with it even though my kids are older now.
"Would people shop them? If so how do you do it?"


https://www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/family-relationships/mum-asks-whether-she-should-shop-parent-who-lied-to-get-child-into-better-school/ar-AAwocVY?MSCC=1524836213&ocid=spartandhp

In London, some of the Boroughs abolished the catchment area and parents could put their kids in any school.

I dont like lying when it’s one on one or personal but would I lie to a cooperation to get something better or something I couldn’t have got without lying?
Hell yeah!

Would I shop someone else for doing it? Nope. I’d be jealous they thought of it before me.

eddie wrote:I dont like lying when it’s one on one or personal but would I lie to a cooperation to get something better or something I couldn’t have got without lying?
Hell yeah!

Would I shop someone else for doing it? Nope. I’d be jealous they thought of it before me.

I wouldn't shop anyone either, I would be a bit pissed off if my child lived in the catchment area and theirs didn't, and their child was accepted over mine though.

And that's an honest answer.

magica wrote:In London, some of the Boroughs abolished the catchment area and parents could put their kids in any school.

Really....I suppose in that case first come first served then.
I have heard of parents actually moving before their child starts school so they can get their kids names down  in the area that has their chosen school.

What sort of impression are we teaching children, if the parents then lies to view, it may further that child's chances in life?

Is that really a good life lesson to teach, to cheat your way through life?

Now of course all parents want the best for their children, but it then ends up effecting another child you will not have got into this school. So such an action has consequences to another family and that is inherantly selfish and unfair to do.

Didge wrote:What sort of impression are we teaching children, if the parents then lies to view, it may further that child's chances in life?

Is that really a good life lesson to teach, to cheat your way through life?

Now of course all parents want the best for their children, but it then ends up effecting another child you will not have got into this school. So such an action has consequences to another family and that is inherantly selfish and unfair to do.

I agree Didge, if you had any moral fibre you wouldn't lie to get your child in a certain school because its considered better than the ones in your catchment area.

Far better to involve yourself in the school your child is entitled to go to, parents can make all the difference to the way a school is imo.

I agree with Didge. I also think its better that children from a particular area atend the same school, then go on all together to a secondary school, just for continuity in people you know, you'll still get to meet children from other schools.  I don't like the idea of a child from out of the area being given a place at the expense of a child from the catchment area who may already know children who will attend the particular school - if that makes sense, from the prospective of a very shy child when at school.
I also agree with Syl get involved and improve the school if you need to.

Syl wrote:

Didge wrote:What sort of impression are we teaching children, if the parents then lies to view, it may further that child's chances in life?

Is that really a good life lesson to teach, to cheat your way through life?

Now of course all parents want the best for their children, but it then ends up effecting another child you will not have got into this school. So such an action has consequences to another family and that is inherantly selfish and unfair to do.

I agree Didge, if you had any moral fibre you wouldn't lie to get your child in a certain school because its considered better than the ones in your catchment area.

Far better to involve yourself in the school your child is entitled to go to, parents can make all the difference to the way a school is imo.

I agree Syl 100%. The parents have the chance to help improve that school and also help their kids learn also. Its not just down to a school to educate children, but the responsibility of parents also.

Such actions always have consequences and what if this has effected a child from a poor background and then places further financial burden on that family to get their child to a schoolmuch further away? The school systems is there to help all children and such an act to me. Is the act of a parent never thinking through the consequences of their action.

I don't either but as I say some Boroughs in London took the catchment out, which means if you live nearer the school you could lose out to someone out of the old catchment area, unfair imo.

Vintage wrote:I agree with Didge. I also think its better that children from a particular area atend the same school, then go on all together to a secondary school, just for continuity in people you know, you'll still get to meet children from other schools.  I don't like the idea of a child from out of the area being given a place at the expense of a child from the catchment area who may already know children who will attend the particular school - if that makes sense, from the prospective of a very shy child when at school.
I also agree with Syl get involved and improve the school if you need to.

That is a very interesting point Vintage and part of me thinks that is good, but also part of me thinks, its also good they get to meet new people and to learn how to meet and make new friends. Very interesting point though and its hard to find a balance either way, as there is positives on each way I think.

magica wrote:I don't either but as I say some Boroughs in London took the catchment out, which means if you live nearer the school you could lose out to someone out of the old catchment area, unfair imo.

Its completely unfair Magica and placing an unnecessary financial burden on parents and no doubt could effect their timescales around work. It could have such a knock on effect. Local children should be given first places. Its just common sense to do so.

I agree with Vintage too.
Most senior schools are bigger than primaries anyway, so even if a child moves to the same senior as his classmates he will no doubt meet other kids from other local primary schools.

I was a hopeless mixer, luckily a few of my primary school friends went to grammar school with me, I did make other friends but they were always there. My daughter who is also a hopeless mixer despite my best efforts to change that, ended up in a class with all new children, her classmates were distributed in other classes some with one or two from the previous primary school, her first year was quite uncomfortable for her, although she did make other friends later.

Didge wrote:

magica wrote:I don't either but as I say some Boroughs in London took the catchment out, which means if you live nearer the school you could lose out to someone out of the old catchment area, unfair imo.

Its completely unfair Magica and placing an unnecessary financial burden on parents and no doubt could effect their timescales around work. It could have such a knock on effect. Local children should be given first places. Its just common sense to do so.

I totally agree Didge so unfair.

Vintage wrote:I was a hopeless mixer, luckily a few of my primary school friends went to grammar school with me, I did make other friends but they were always there. My daughter who is also a hopeless mixer despite my best efforts to change that, ended up in a class with all new children, her classmates were distributed in other classes some with one or two from the previous primary school, her first year was quite uncomfortable for her, although she did make other friends later.

I had some friends from Primary go to the Secondary school I went too ( all my elder brothers did before me and were called Didge. Which was a nightmare with teachers sighing at another Didge at the school lol. 3 were still there, when I went) and others from the first Prmiary I went to and thus was lucky. Knowing more people on my first day than most and why I edge towards your view on this in knowing people. It helps make those first few weeks, that much easier, for new joiners with so many older kids.

I had to change Primary school, which was 15 minutes from my home when I was 8. To one 45 minutes away, to take and bring home my little sister to the Infant school she was at. Why my parents sent her to this other school, I have no idea, when the rest of us, were all doing well at the other one.

Glad to hear she made other friends

Vintage wrote:I was a hopeless mixer, luckily a few of my primary school friends went to grammar school with me, I did make other friends but they were always there. My daughter who is also a hopeless mixer despite my best efforts to change that, ended up in a class with all new children, her classmates were distributed in other classes some with one or two from the previous primary school, her first year was quite uncomfortable for her, although she did make other friends later.

It can certainly affect some schoolkids at age 11 if they are split from the friends they have always been at school with.
I can vivdly remember moving from primary to secondary.....and its a very long time ago.

My best friend who wasn't very clever, actually came and sat in my classroom next to me, she got away with it for 3 or 4 days too....till the form teacher noticed she wasn't actually on the register for that class.
I was really sad when she was ordered back to her correct class, I didn't know any of the other kids.

Sadly I think she's inherited my social ineptness. You either get ignored, like me or made fun of. Its strange when I do my job I can speak to anyone because I have a purpose I suppose - and I'm in charge. One to one I'm ok - good listener. In a social situation like a party, I'm pathetic, I get a drink, something to eat and a cosy chair in the corner and wait for going home time.
School for me was a bit of a nightmare, hence why I never stayed on and went to uni, so I didn't do what I wanted to do, I just couldn't imagine myself getting to know anyone. I think there are a lot of children like me and I hate the thought of them being somewhere they don't know anyone. The local school is becoming a 3 to 19 years comglomoration sounds hideous to me but it could really be a blessing for shy kids when you think about it with the continuity or 16 years of hell being ignored or bullied.

When I went to party's I spent the time in the Kitchen, there's a song about that I think !

''You'll always find me in the kitchen at parties'', nice song don't remember who sang it. If I couldn't find a comfy corner the kitchen was my next port of call.

I wouldn't shop them, but I don't approve at all. It's never a good idea to lie about anything like that, and it's setting a very bad example to children. What happens when the school sends a letter to this false address anyway.

Vintage wrote:I was a hopeless mixer, luckily a few of my primary school friends went to grammar school with me, I did make other friends but they were always there. My daughter who is also a hopeless mixer despite my best efforts to change that, ended up in a class with all new children, her classmates were distributed in other classes some with one or two from the previous primary school, her first year was quite uncomfortable for her, although she did make other friends later.

Same here Vintage. I also went to a grammar school, which was quite a distance away, but some of my friends went as well. There was a secondary school very close to where I lived, and I sometimes wished I went there. I could have walked home, and messed about on the way instead of being on a bus.

Funny I remember the song but not the singer.

Vintage wrote:Funny I remember the song but not the singer.

He also recorded a song that gets played none stop on the radio every Christmas.,,'Stop the Cavalry'

eddie wrote:I dont like lying when it’s one on one or personal but would I lie to a cooperation to get something better or something I couldn’t have got without lying?
Hell yeah!

Would I shop someone else for doing it? Nope. I’d be jealous they thought of it before me.

That wouldn't work for me cos i'm shit at lying and my own face and body language would give me away. furthermore my memory sucks and at some point i would inadvertently give myself away

i agree with didge on this, parents are basically saying to their kids, ''well, if you can't get what you want the honest way then just lie'' that's not cool at all for me

and yes i may well grass someone up for doing that if i knew about it

it's just not on

Vintage wrote:Sadly I think she's inherited my social ineptness. You either get ignored, like me or made fun of. Its strange when I do my job I can speak to anyone because I have a purpose I suppose - and I'm in charge. One to one I'm ok - good listener. In a social situation like a party, I'm pathetic, I get a drink, something to eat and a cosy chair in the corner and wait for going home time.
School for me was a bit of a nightmare, hence why I never stayed on and went to uni, so I didn't do what I wanted to do, I just couldn't imagine myself getting to know anyone. I think there are a lot of children like me and I hate the thought of them being somewhere they don't know anyone. The local school is becoming a 3 to 19 years comglomoration sounds hideous to me but it could really be a blessing for shy kids when you think about it with the continuity or 16 years of hell being ignored or bullied.

Its sad you felt like that at school. Sometimes I think teachers could help more in drawing out the shy, self conscious kids.
It certainly would be harder for a child to start a school, either primary or secondary, with no familiar faces around in an area they didnt know.