The Pagan

theres this pagan who dies and crosses over...he's walking down a path and sees a sign post marked sommerland (the neopagan "heaven) so he sets off at a smart pace.
Eventually he comes to a huge gate and rings the bell...to his eternal surprise St Peter appears. Can I come in says the pagan....bugger off says St Peter, sommerland is now a wholey owned subsiduary of Heaven inc.
Oh dear says the pagan, thats terrible...what should I do. Follow the path DOWNWARDS says ST Peter.

So the pagan starts the long lonly trek downwards into the pits....ever onwards and downwards. After what seems an eternity (but was only really an infinitesimal amount of eternity), he comes to a plain of dust and ashes. A few infinitesimal bits of eternity more find him stood at a gate in a huge wall. So he bangs on the gates...BOOM BOOM. the door creaks open and old Nick sticks his head out, Yes, what do YOU want says he, all smiles and horns...ahhhhhh you must be that pagan St Peter has just told me about...Do came in.

Not without some misgivings the pagan enters HELL....

Now says old Nick, what floats YOUR boat...we have cricket on the green every evening, tea and biscuits in the promenade, or if thats not your thing, theres football, rugby, anything really. Or if you dont like team sports theres fishing over there or hunting in the woods over here....mountaineering...if all this active stuff isnt your thing thers the pub, open all day, get as drunk as you want...and NO hangover, theres free smokes...hash opium...whatever....

mmmm...not bad says the Pagan...lets have a walk over to the fishing...

as they walk down the track to the fishing a huge chasm opens up, a foul pit of sulphurous suffering and decay, and 10,000 screaming souls fall from above into it, whereupon it slams shut.

wh wh wh what was THAT says the goggle eyed and by now incontinent pagan.....


Oh dont worry about that says old Nick......they were Christians.....THEY DONT EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT!!!!!!

::smthg:: ::smthg:: ::smthg::