Can you really be attracted to someone if you've only met online?

A friend is going through something similar to this scenario, below, and it made me have a Google:

The Online Chemistry of Love: Real or Just an Illusion


Are you thinking about online dating, or have you ever tried it? It can get pretty intense. There’s a reason they say that the pen is mightier than the sword. The thing about online dating, though, is how do you know the chemistry is real? How do you really know if you are, or even can be, in love with someone?

I’ll tell you that from my personal experience, online chemistry of love is not only real, but it’s also very powerful.

Let me tell you about my ex-boyfriend. Those of you who have been my loyal readers for this long (and I thank you and love you all with all of my heart!), you have undoubtedly heard me talk about Joe. The guy I met online, the man I moved to a different continent for, and the man who decided last minute he didn’t want to marry me? Yeah, that’s the guy.

As much as I can (and will) advise you about the dangers of meeting someone online, the truth is, there are more times that it works. Let me explain.

Joe and I met online years ago. He and I became quick and intimate friends and emailed and chatted every day. We eventually got to the point where we talked on the phone, and after a while, I went to visit him. Joe had quickly become my best friend.

Some of those conversations were more than friendly, of course, and when we finally met our mental chemistry and our physical chemistry made for a whirlwind romance. We lasted for about three years, most of it long distance and online.

I can tell you that online chemistry is real.

What the experts say about online chemistry of love

EXPERIMENT:
There was this wonderful lab experiment done where two strangers, a man and a woman, were put in a room together and given a series of questions to ask each other. The questions went from casual to more intimate. After about ten minutes of questioning, the strangers were told to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes.

Can you guess what happened?

You see, the test was to see if you could really fall in love instantly with someone. Six months later, those two strangers were married.

It’s the combination of looking into each other’s eyes (which has been proven to bring two people closer together) and the intimate conversation (which gives a sense of trust and friendship…two absolute essentials in a relationship).

Online dating does that, too.

The trust it creates

When it comes to online chemistry, one of the biggest factors is trust. It’s much harder to trust someone you see and interact with in person everyday than it ever is to trust a stranger you don’t have to talk to unless you feel like turning on your computer.

Because you are the one in charge of when you chat and what you say, your feelings of control actually put you in a position that makes it easier for you to trust someone.

The emotions it awakens

The biggest part of online chemistry, however, isn’t the trust, it’s the emotions you give out to this person on the screen. You’re more willing to share your real feelings with someone who isn’t staring at you, you don’t fear ridicule or judgment, and you are much more likely to actually be yourself when you’re in an online relationship.

The screen time:

When it does come time to meet your online love, you and your guy are going to be thrilled to see each other! When you’ve gone from sharing your intimate moments by email and chat, to actually looking into each other’s eyes…there’s magic there. There really is.

Skype, for example, is one of the best ways to feel the chemistry with someone. Now, I’m going to have to warn you here. Just because your guy says all the right things when you want him to, or because you have some really amazing Skype interactions, that does not mean the chemistry will be the same as it is in person. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t, most of the time, though, it does.

What else is there?

One of the most important things in any relationship is communication, and online relationships give you plenty of communication. I’m trying online dating right now (for the second time in my life) and I have already weeded out a few guys simply because they didn’t know how to keep a conversation going.

Part of the reason you fall in love with someone is because you can talk to that person and laugh with that person. If you’re having a one sided email, then you’re not going to feel anything.

I will say this, though. I’m intellectually stimulated before I’m physically stimulated. Or, if I’m attracted to a man and he has no personality…I lose all of my attraction towards him. Intelligence, to me, is one of the most important things I look for in a man.

You get a better judgment of someone’s intellectual stimulation through online chatting and online romances. I assume that’s because when you’re together you’re in a position to be able to spend all your time kissing.

Is it real chemistry or illusion?

Many people believe that the real reason couples are attracted to each other is all about the pheromones. I disagree. I think that instant attraction is all about the pheromones, but long lasting love is much, much more.

Also, love takes time to build. Have you ever noticed that when you fall for someone they’re suddenly the sexiest thing on the planet to you? Have you ever realized that loving somebody makes them beautiful?

As you get to know someone, they become attractive to you. Online chemistry works that way, through emotional attraction. While it is difficult to be with someone you’re not physically attracted to, you’re chances of finding that person more attractive increases with online romance because of the intimate conversations and emotional chats between you.

Emotional chemistry is real. Love is based on emotions. Trust takes time to build, but you might find that it can be easier to build trust with someone you can’t see.

When it comes down to it, online chemistry, online love is a real thing. If you believe that love is based on trust and communication, and if you find that you have to get to know someone before you’re attracted to them, then you already know that online chemistry is real and that online love is possible.

Just remember, be safe when you’re online. Use your judgment. I’ll write more on that later.

Are you going to give online love a try..?


http://youqueen.com/love/relationships/chemistry-of-love/

Oops. So forgot to add my opinion

I think you can be attracted to, or have a chemistry with someone online, but......

What happens if they won't show you a photo?
And could a photo put you off?
This is the debate I'm having with my friend

What do others think?

I do think people can feel they are in love online.
I used to post with a lady who had been in that position...to her it was real.

For me I doubt I could sustain a 'relationship' without touch, smell, looks, all the little things that attract a person.

I think that comes afterwards doesn't it?

My real question is, can you really know someone from talking online?
My friend thinks she's in love - perhaps she is, she's been chatting with this guy for only six months though?

They don't have heated debates where, for instance they both disagree, so my point to her is: if it's all rosey chit chat, how do you know what he's really like?

And to me, six months isn't long.

I'm not saying they don't have an attraction, as I don't think "chemistry" is only real in person, you can certainly have an 'online' chemistry, but I'm saying she should challenge it a bit more.

But will it progress or will it forever be an online romance?
The lady I knew never met this man....it ended badly anyway, they played out the full romance and break up all online.

I suppose back in the day people wrote pen letters to each other and fell in love through the words written....words can be very powerful.

eddie wrote:Oops. So forgot to add my opinion

I think you can be attracted to, or have a chemistry with someone online, but......

What happens if they won't show you a photo?
And could a photo put you off?
This is the debate I'm having with my friend

What do others think?

I have come across a few couples that have met on line and it has worked out really well for them. In saying that I Personally think finding good friends could turn out with a much higher success rate in the long run, compared to finding a long term partner.

I think initially meeting someone online and going on to have a full relationship is probably one of the most popular ways to meet people nowadays.
Dating sites are thriving.

I don't think you can really "know" someone until you've disagreed and had some kind of "argument" though.
Some people can be on their best behaviour online, can't they?

I think attraction can begin online, wouldn't call it love though. Unless I'm the one being loved, that happens all the time -- eddie, FTL, Quill ... they just can't get enough of my manly forearms and shapely love handles.

eddie wrote:I don't think you can really "know" someone until you've disagreed and had some kind of "argument" though.
Some people can be on their best behaviour online, can't they?

Hmmmm...that's debatable.

I can weigh up people PDQ.

I can smell a liar from the other side of hell.

I like to be abul to trust people.

On forumz I have encountered some I could take to as a friend if they would have me lol, anything else would be crazy IMHO, deffo not attraction of a sexual nature.

I get told off at times by those 'friends'.
With all the shite on forums it is refreshing to converse with people you trust and see as respectable, straight, not trailer trash, scrapyard alsatians as some sites are infested with.

Ben_Reilly wrote:I think attraction can begin online, wouldn't call it love though. Unless I'm the one being loved, that happens all the time -- eddie, FTL, Quill ... they just can't get enough of my manly forearms and shapely love handles.

And then there's your fascination with my beard....

I know some couples its worked for and some it hasn't. Just like in real time.

Real love isn't pretty. Its helping someone when they're sick and throwing up, when you hear/smell them fart and think nothing of it, its being there for a cuddle as well as the total exhaustive euphoric sex, being there after a disagreement /arguement etc...

Cass wrote:I know some couples its worked for and some it hasn't. Just like in real time.

Real love isn't pretty. Its helping someone when they're sick and throwing up, when you hear/smell them fart and think nothing of it, its being there for a cuddle as well as the total exhaustive euphoric sex, being there after a disagreement /arguement etc...

I like your post Cass. x
And Love is not being able to 'log off' when someone is getting on your nerves....though in retrospect maybe that would be one of the bonus's of online love. .

Syl wrote:

Cass wrote:I know some couples its worked for and some it hasn't. Just like in real time.

Real love isn't pretty. Its helping someone when they're sick and throwing up, when you hear/smell them fart and think nothing of it, its being there for a cuddle as well as the total exhaustive euphoric sex, being there after a disagreement /arguement etc...

I like your post Cass. x
And Love is not being able to 'log off' when someone is getting on your nerves....though in retrospect maybe that would be one of the bonus's of online love. .

Thanks Syl.

Actually logging off is to me is the equivalent of hanging up, not answering a text, slamming a door etc...ive both done it to Mr. C and vice versa when he was away LOL.

Seriously though, you can never have a total online romantic relationship. A friendship certainly is as evidenced by this forum, Facebook etc...and a long distance relationship too is helped by having access to modern technology, but here comes a time when it must become physical (not sexual) in order to survive. Meeting online is just another place to meet like a bar, club, church, supermarket etc...

Once upon a time there was a forum named Fresh Horizons, defunct now, the forum owner became head over heals infatuated with a photograph of a female member who who turned out to be a total misrepresentation of said photo, she was the second biggest liar, troll I have seen on any forum, eventually she was 'outed' by another forum female.
The forum owners wife was also on same forum, things went breasts up for them after a while, stupidity.

Don't mess around if you value your marriage.

I think I have this about right, someone will put me right if I have not got this right, RIGHT????

Well of course if you're dealing with liars there will always be an unhappy ending in whatever the circumstances.

eddie wrote:Oops. So forgot to add my opinion

I think you can be attracted to, or have a chemistry with someone online, but......

What happens if they won't show you a photo?
And could a photo put you off?
This is the debate I'm having with my friend

What do others think?

It should not matter what you, I or anyone else thinks in regards to what relationships make people happy.
I understand due to you being a friend you automatically look from a position of defense in trying to protect your friend from any hurt.
Many people already struggle and have trust issues in relationships. So we should not look at the relationship from a view point how we ourselves would feel, but actually be open minded for our friends, having a positive outlook for them. People also struggle with confidence and the online dating approach can indeed help people form relationships, that they struggle to deal with when meeting in the early stages.
Attraction comes in many forms. Sometimes that attraction develops over time as well. 
At the end of the day its only a matter of distance separating each person that then creates in others a view to question if such a relationship will work, as they base this on how they themselves feel. Failing though to look at this through an open mind, when it may well very work for your friend. Unless the person she is having this online relationship is making her concerned to the point he is making excuses when she requests to see for example a their picture or evasive on other things. Then there is no need to be concerned. Sometimes as friends, we can over compensate in looking too much out for them. Where we introduce unnecessary concerns and out of the intention to do good, instead places unnecessary doubt into them.

Stormee wrote:Once upon a time there was a forum named Fresh Horizons, defunct now, the forum owner became head over heals infatuated with a photograph of a female member who who turned out to be a total misrepresentation of said photo, she was the second biggest liar, troll I have seen on any forum, eventually she was 'outed' by another forum female.
The forum owners wife was also on same forum, things went breasts up for them after a while, stupidity.

Don't mess around if you value your marriage.

I think I have this about right, someone will put me right if I have not got this right, RIGHT????

That's pretty much how it went....and he did it again a couple of times afterwards with yet more bogus femfatales..

Cass wrote:

Syl wrote:
I like your post Cass. x
And Love is not being able to 'log off' when someone is getting on your nerves....though in retrospect maybe that would be one of the bonus's of online love. .

Thanks Syl.

Actually logging off is to me is the equivalent of hanging up, not answering a text, slamming a door etc...ive both done it to Mr. C and vice versa when he was away LOL.

Seriously though, you can never have a total online romantic relationship. A friendship certainly is  as evidenced by this forum, Facebook etc...and a long distance relationship too is helped by having access to modern technology, but here comes a time when it must become physical (not sexual) in order to survive. Meeting online is just another place to meet like a bar, club, church, supermarket etc...

I agree with all of that Cass.
The only exception is if a person is not looking for a real life romance with all the complications.
I suppose for some the romance of never meeting would be enough and preferable to the more conventional alternative ...no washing socks and having to get down to the nitty gritty of a real relationship....instead the person you have fallen for online can be whoever you want them to be.

That wouldn't do for most people....but there are always exceptions to the rule.

Syl wrote:

Stormee wrote:Once upon a time there was a forum named Fresh Horizons, defunct now, the forum owner became head over heals infatuated with a photograph of a female member who who turned out to be a total misrepresentation of said photo, she was the second biggest liar, troll I have seen on any forum, eventually she was 'outed' by another forum female.
The forum owners wife was also on same forum, things went breasts up for them after a while, stupidity.

Don't mess around if you value your marriage.

I think I have this about right, someone will put me right if I have not got this right, RIGHT????

That's pretty much how it went....and he did it again a couple of times afterwards  with yet more bogus femfatales..

That chap was a bit special needs in the grey matter department.

HoratioTarr wrote:

Syl wrote:

That's pretty much how it went....and he did it again a couple of times afterwards  with yet more bogus femfatales..

That chap was a bit special needs in the grey matter department.

He wasn't - I expect he was flattered.

Stormee wrote:Once upon a time there was a forum named Fresh Horizons, defunct now, the forum owner became head over heals infatuated with a photograph of a female member who who turned out to be a total misrepresentation of said photo, she was the second biggest liar, troll I have seen on any forum, eventually she was 'outed' by another forum female.
The forum owners wife was also on same forum, things went breasts up for them after a while, stupidity.

Don't mess around if you value your marriage.

I think I have this about right, someone will put me right if I have not got this right, RIGHT????

A total misrepresentation as in she posted several pics of a lady called Winnie and claimed that it was her. She sent another rather raunchy pic of yet another woman to some forum men and claimed it was her too.

I had to take my hat off to her tbh - she kept it up for a long time and had men drooling over her.

I don't know if the marriage broke up because of her though - I don't think so.

What are the key points to online attraction? The way someone expresses themselves?
Their views? Their humour?

Do you think you get more or less, of an idea, of what someone is really like by only 'reading' them?

eddie wrote:What are the key points to online attraction? The way someone expresses themselves?
Their views? Their humour?

Do you think you get more or less, of an idea, of what someone is really like by only 'reading' them?

I've heard that online dating sites are very popular. I suppose the idea is to meet up after you've seen a pic of them and had a bit of a chat.

eddie wrote:What are the key points to online attraction? The way someone expresses themselves?
Their views? Their humour?

Do you think you get more or less, of an idea, of what someone is really like by only 'reading' them?

I think you can get a good idea of what someone is like IF they are truthful.....and thats the chance someone has to take when they start an online romance.

I think it depends upon a feeling you get....it's an intuitive thing, you're just drawn I suppose.

Interesting answers.

For the record I don't trust this guy my friend is "chatting" to, but I do believe you can feel a pull to someone you've never physically met.

eddie wrote:I think it depends upon a feeling you get....it's an intuitive thing, you're just drawn I suppose.

Interesting answers.

For the record I don't trust this guy my friend is "chatting" to, but I do believe you can feel a pull to someone you've never physically met.

Eddie, I had a real life friend (we lost touch and it was partly over this guy she met online) she was widowed several years ago....a couple of years ago she joined a dating site and clicked with someone.
After they spoke for a while online (definite attraction) they met and the romance escalated. He was separated (not divorced) the relationship grew.... she was seriously considering selling her house and starting afresh with him.
She met his family....he met hers, he really did seem to be who he said he was.
Then suddenly he dumped her and was back with his wife.

Thankfully she had not sold her house....but she would have done had he not done a quick exit.

Poor woman. At least she didn't sell her house.
I guess people are allowed to change their minds though.

Syl wrote:

eddie wrote:I think it depends upon a feeling you get....it's an intuitive thing, you're just drawn I suppose.

Interesting answers.

For the record I don't trust this guy my friend is "chatting" to, but I do believe you can feel a pull to someone you've never physically met.

Eddie, I had a real life friend (we lost touch and it was partly over this guy she met online) she was widowed several years ago....a couple of years ago she joined a dating site and clicked with someone.
After they spoke for a while online (definite attraction) they met and the romance escalated. He was separated (not divorced) the relationship grew.... she was seriously considering selling her house and starting afresh with him.
She met his family....he met hers, he really did seem to be who he said he was.
Then suddenly he dumped her and was back with his wife.

Thankfully she had not sold her house....but she would have done had he not done a quick exit.

That could happen with anyone she met though. The fact that he wasn't divorced was probably a clue.

It could happen with anyone yes....I suppose online it's easier to create a full history and you have no way of knowing if thats true or not.

Syl wrote:It could happen with anyone yes....I suppose online it's easier to create a full history and  you have no way of knowing if thats true or not.

He didn't lie to her though - he told he was separated. I wouldn't advise anyone to give up their independence for someone who was still married anyway.

Raggamuffin wrote:

Syl wrote:It could happen with anyone yes....I suppose online it's easier to create a full history and  you have no way of knowing if thats true or not.

He didn't lie to her though - he told he was separated. I wouldn't advise anyone to give up their independence for someone who was still married anyway.

That's what swinger sites are for

Raggamuffin wrote:

Syl wrote:It could happen with anyone yes....I suppose online it's easier to create a full history and  you have no way of knowing if thats true or not.

He didn't lie to her though - he told he was separated. I wouldn't advise anyone to give up their independence for someone who was still married anyway.

He did....but he also wanted to move in with her. Then he almost persuaded her to sell her house that she owns outright and buy a joint property with him....she would have had the bulk of the cash to buy with though.
After being friends with her and her OH for 20 years....then friends with her for a few years after she lost her OH.....he managed to distance her from us in the space of a few months.
When it all went wrong I couldn't be bothered renewing the friendship.

I think its harder to lie about yourself in person compared to online.

I belong to one facebook group and one of the ladies there has an online boyfriend who allegedly is American special forces. He didn't go visit her at Christmas because he was wounded in Afghanistan, and she hadn't heard from him and was worried. She says she used to work fir the Home Office and has had him checked out.

1) that would be illegal and she and her friends could be prosecuted under the official secrets act.
2) he is breaking OPSEC and so is she.
3) this is fake and stinks to high heaven but I don't know her. I talked to someone who does and she feels the sane as me.

Sounds dodgy Cass. I'd tell her if it was me

eddie wrote:Sounds dodgy Cass. I'd tell her if it was me

like I said its one of these big groups that I belong to, but haven't met anyone apart from one person. I talked about it with somebody who does know her and says she thinks the same and that she was going to talk to her about it but I don't know if it happened or what. I don't go onto that group often so....

speaking of which. I just ordered some how to tell a scam online leaflets for the library and am going to share them with others in the county (they sent me way more than I need) so I was talking in an online meeting about it and I was HUGELY surprised when a fellow librarian says she almost fell for the computer scam and I was like WTH????? She's young and smart and everything so it just goes to show you.

Sometimes people just believe everything people say.
They're vulnerable.

I used to know a geeza who did all night supermarket shopping especially to meet females, so he said.
Bit dodgy.

Stormee wrote:I used to know a geeza who did all night supermarket shopping especially to meet females, so he said.
Bit dodgy.

He probably hovered round the sad lads isle and women felt sorry for him.
Some women fall for that.

Syl wrote:

Stormee wrote:I used to know a geeza who did all night supermarket shopping especially to meet females, so he said.
Bit dodgy.

He probably hovered round the sad lads isle and women felt sorry for him.
Some women fall for that.

He would ask where something was shelved.
Mind you he would make conversation with anyone.
Sad thing is I thought he had settled with a very nice gal both close to 60 and she died after a short while.

Stormee wrote:

Syl wrote:
He probably hovered round the sad lads isle and women felt sorry for him.
Some women fall for that.

He would ask where something was shelved.
Mind you he would make conversation with anyone.
Sad thing is I thought he had settled with a very nice gal both close to 60 and she died after a short while.

Oh that sad.
Live life to the full is my motto Stormee....none of us know when the good times will end.