electricians 10 commandments

1)   Beware thee of the lightning that lurketh in an undischarged capacitor lest it cause thee to be bounced on thy buttocks in a most ungainly manner.

2)  Cause thou the switch that supplies large quantities of juice to be opened and thusly tagged so thy days may be long and fruitful upon this earthly vale of tears.

3)   Prove unto thyself that all circuits that radiateth and upon which thou worketh are grounded lest they lift thee to high-frequency potential and cause thee to radiateth also.

 4)  Take care that thou useth the proper method when thou taketh the measure of high-voltage circuits in order that thou doth not incinerate both thee and thy meter; for verily, though thou hath no account number and canst be easily replaced, thy meter doth have such a number and -- as a consequence -- its loss will bringeth much woe unto the supply department.

5)  Tarry thou not amongst those who engage in intentional electric shocks, for they are surely nonbelievers and are not long for this world.

6)  Take care that thou tampereth not with interlocks and other safety devices, for this will incur the wrath of thy seniors and bringeth the fury of the safety officer down upon thy head and shoulders.

7)   Worketh thou not on energized equipment, for -- if thou doeth -- thy buddies will surely be purchasing beers for thy widow and consoling her in ways not generally acceptable to thee.

  Verily I say unto thee, never service high-voltage equipment alone, for electric cooking is a slothful process and thou might sizzle in thine own fat for hours before thy Maker sees fit to drag thee unto His fold.

9)   Trifle thou not with radioactive tubes and substances lest thou commence to glow in the dark like a lightning bug and thy wife be frustrated nightly and have no further use for thee (excepting thy wage).

10   Commitest to thine memory the words of the prophets, which are written in the instruction manuals, which giveth the straight dope, and which guideth thee such that thou will not maketh any mistakes.

My very best family friend is a sparky, he's gonna appreciate that

darknessss wrote:1)   Beware thee of the lightning that lurketh in an undischarged capacitor lest it cause thee to be bounced on thy buttocks in a most ungainly manner.

2)  Cause thou the switch that supplies large quantities of juice to be opened and thusly tagged so thy days may be long and fruitful upon this earthly vale of tears.

3)   Prove unto thyself that all circuits that radiateth and upon which thou worketh are grounded lest they lift thee to high-frequency potential and cause thee to radiateth also.

 4)  Take care that thou useth the proper method when thou taketh the measure of high-voltage circuits in order that thou doth not incinerate both thee and thy meter; for verily, though thou hath no account number and canst be easily replaced, thy meter doth have such a number and -- as a consequence -- its loss will bringeth much woe unto the supply department.

5)  Tarry thou not amongst those who engage in intentional electric shocks, for they are surely nonbelievers and are not long for this world.

6)  Take care that thou tampereth not with interlocks and other safety devices, for this will incur the wrath of thy seniors and bringeth the fury of the safety officer down upon thy head and shoulders.

7)   Worketh thou not on energized equipment, for -- if thou doeth -- thy buddies will surely be purchasing beers for thy widow and consoling her in ways not generally acceptable to thee.

  Verily I say unto thee, never service high-voltage equipment alone, for electric cooking is a slothful process and thou might sizzle in thine own fat for hours before thy Maker sees fit to drag thee unto His fold.

9)   Trifle thou not with radioactive tubes and substances lest thou commence to glow in the dark like a lightning bug and thy wife be frustrated nightly and have no further use for thee (excepting thy wage).

10   Commitest to thine memory the words of the prophets, which are written in the instruction manuals, which giveth the straight dope, and which guideth thee such that thou will not maketh any mistakes.

All followed by the believers of the higher power!

This is a joke, no racist thoughts whatever.

What's black and crisp and hangs from the ceiling?

An Irish electrician.

One of many Irish jokes told to me by an Irish man!

1)   Beware thee of the lightning that lurketh in an undischarged capacitor lest it cause thee to be bounced on thy buttocks in a most ungainly manner.

I discharged a cathode ray tube with my finger as i put the magnetic shield back in a very old monitor
As i flew across the room i remember thinking briefly Oh ShiT!!!

nicko wrote:This is a joke, no racist thoughts whatever.

What's black and crisp and hangs from the ceiling?

An Irish electrician.

One of many Irish jokes told to me by an Irish man!

No offense taken from an Irish-American; I recently watched a show where an Irish-American boy of about 10 is shown stitching up a wound suffered by his father, who is a prize-fighter (stereotype alert) who tells his son to go get the whiskey (stereotype alert), but tells the boy to drink it (double stereotype alert) so that his hands will be steady, then tells the boy to go do his homework, at which point the boy asks if he can bring the bottle with him (infinity stereotype alert!!!).

I'd have to admit that's pretty close to my experience

I read somewhere that in the USA they swop "Irish" jokes for Polish ones.