Mother whose 'beautiful and smiley' teenage son was driven to suicide by online trolls tells of her heartbreaking loss - and how parents can help end cyberbullying

Felix Alexander took his own life in 2016, he was 'badly damaged' by bullying
Felix's mother said, 'My beautiful, smiley son had been hounded by bullies'
His mother, Lucy, says that social media - particularly ask.fm - made things worse
He was also targeted because he was not allowed the violent Call of Duty game

His dad and I wouldn’t let him have the 18-rated video game Call Of Duty because we thought it was too violent.

Felix must have explained this to the other kids and they started teasing him over it. One called him a ‘p***y’.

But, quite honestly, it was one of many incidents too insignificant to put my finger on. It was death by 1,000 cuts.

Over the next few months, we realised he was always trying to impress. He tried being the class clown, or the whipping boy — anything to fit in. He’d say: ‘No one likes me as I am.’

We thought it would get better when he went to senior school, but it didn’t. Then, at 14, social media kicked in — particularly sites such as ask.fm — and the bullying became unstoppable.

His peers would be having vile, anonymous conversations about him. We’d remove all access to computers to prevent him seeing it, but he would get up in the night to look at his iPad.

He felt he had to know everything to feel armed against it.

He was told he was ugly and worthless. There were some really hurtful comments, even from so-called ‘nice’ kids from lovely families. I’m sure they didn’t give it a moment’s thought. They just have no filter.

What they think comes out on their screen, where it doesn’t feel real because they aren’t doing it face-to-face. It was a hate fest.

If Felix tried to find friends outside school, these children would get text messages saying: ‘Do you want to be friends with the most hated boy in school?’



https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6395503/Mother-teenage-son-driven-suicide-online-trolls-tells-heartbreaking-loss.html

It's no wonder kids are suffering more and more from mental health issues.

I'm not sure that parents can help much in these circumstances. Young people want to be accepted by their peers, and if they're bullied, no amount of comfort from their parents is going to convince them that there's nothing wrong with them. I don't know what the answer is - I see home schooling becoming more common though because it seems that many young people can't behave properly when they all get together at school.

Raggamuffin wrote:I'm not sure that parents can help much in these circumstances. Young people want to be accepted by their peers, and if they're bullied, no amount of comfort from their parents is going to convince them that there's nothing wrong with them. I don't know what the answer is - I see home schooling becoming more common though because it seems that many young people can't behave properly when they all get together at school.

Agreed. It's terribly sad. Sometimes, I think that protecting your kids, and trying to encourage them to be decent people goes against you. It's always the sensitive ones that suffer the most. There should be classes in compassion and anti bullying in schools, if they don't already have them.

HoratioTarr wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:I'm not sure that parents can help much in these circumstances. Young people want to be accepted by their peers, and if they're bullied, no amount of comfort from their parents is going to convince them that there's nothing wrong with them. I don't know what the answer is - I see home schooling becoming more common though because it seems that many young people can't behave properly when they all get together at school.

Agreed.  It's terribly sad.   Sometimes, I think that protecting your kids, and trying to encourage them to be decent people goes against you.  It's always the sensitive ones that suffer the most.  There should be classes in compassion and anti bullying in schools, if they don't already have them.

Yes, I think that might help.

Looking back at my schooldays I wish I'd stepped in more if I saw someone being mocked, and I wish I'd had some clever answers for those ghastly boys who mocked me.

I think the main problem is that those who are relentlessly bullied is that they think it's their fault, that there's something wrong with them, so they need a lot of support, preferably from other kids.

Raggamuffin wrote:

HoratioTarr wrote:

Agreed.  It's terribly sad.   Sometimes, I think that protecting your kids, and trying to encourage them to be decent people goes against you.  It's always the sensitive ones that suffer the most.  There should be classes in compassion and anti bullying in schools, if they don't already have them.

Yes, I think that might help.

Looking back at my schooldays I wish I'd stepped in more if I saw someone being mocked, and I wish I'd had some clever answers for those ghastly boys who mocked me.

I think the main problem is that those who are relentlessly bullied is that they think it's their fault, that there's something wrong with them, so they need a lot of support, preferably from other kids.

It chips away at your self confidence and at that age you desperately need to fit in. It takes years to build a hard shell and realise that the opinion of people like that don't matter one jot.

He was a handsome lad too. Perhaps that was part of the jealousy problem from the bullies. What a bloody shame.

HoratioTarr wrote:

Raggamuffin wrote:


Yes, I think that might help.

Looking back at my schooldays I wish I'd stepped in more if I saw someone being mocked, and I wish I'd had some clever answers for those ghastly boys who mocked me.

I think the main problem is that those who are relentlessly bullied is that they think it's their fault, that there's something wrong with them, so they need a lot of support, preferably from other kids.

It chips away at your self confidence and at that age you desperately need to fit in.   It takes years to build a hard shell and realise that the opinion of people like that don't matter one jot.  

He was a handsome lad too.  Perhaps that was part of the jealousy problem from the bullies.   What a bloody shame.

Yes it is, and even when he went to a new school he couldn't forget what happened, and he was suspicious of any little comment. Poor lad.

I wonder how bullies feel when they find out that their victim has killed themselves. Do they have any remorse?

Raggamuffin wrote:

HoratioTarr wrote:

It chips away at your self confidence and at that age you desperately need to fit in.   It takes years to build a hard shell and realise that the opinion of people like that don't matter one jot.  

He was a handsome lad too.  Perhaps that was part of the jealousy problem from the bullies.   What a bloody shame.

Yes it is, and even when he went to a new school he couldn't forget what happened, and he was suspicious of any little comment. Poor lad.

I wonder how bullies feel when they find out that their victim has killed themselves. Do they have any remorse?

They probably do but you never find out. I'd be mortified if my child was a bully.

I think the best way a parent, teachers, and society on the whole can help is giving kids confidence from the start.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of kids will spend a lot of time on the internet where most of the bullying goes on.
If they already have self worth it may not hit them so hard when the inevitable trolling starts.

Little mix (popular UK girl group) have been victims of online bullying, they speak out a lot about it and campaign to show up online trolls.....by them speaking out it could help a lot of others.


https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-6390641/Little-Mix-pose-naked-insults-scrawled-skin-promote-new-song-Strip.html



http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/26464560/little-mix-join-the-big-march-anti-bullying-campaign

Raggamuffin wrote:I'm not sure that parents can help much in these circumstances. Young people want to be accepted by their peers, and if they're bullied, no amount of comfort from their parents is going to convince them that there's nothing wrong with them. I don't know what the answer is - I see home schooling becoming more common though because it seems that many young people can't behave properly when they all get together at school.

Right. Friends--peers--are more important when it comes to support. If a bullied teenager has some support friends, it's ten times as important as anything the parent can do. Not that the parents shouldn't always be there, but the kids are living in a world of their own, with values and codes that the parents don't even know about.

Schools have to play a huge part when it comes to bullying.
I dont mean cyber bullying, I mean actually in the school, or travelling to and from the school.
My son had an incident when he had just graduated up to senior school, the teachers were worse than useless, it took my OH to sort it out himself....which I know some people frown on, but it worked.
Hopefully schools are more aware nowadays...after all bullying isnt a hidden secret, it's not hard to work out who is the bully and who is being bullied.

Good for OH. A right upper-cut and a left cross will do wonders for a bully. That's how we stopped 'em in my day.

Actually I think parenting in this day and age is leading to a rise of children not able to cope with tackling bullying and I also think mollycoddling parenting is a major factor to this.

This young man suffered from major insecurity issues and why did everything to try and fit in andut did so. Just becuase he was never taught how to be independent and strong.

Often a child will not stand up to bullying and like here bow down to the forms of control, that bullies act out on. If you stand up to bullies, often those bullies will bow down. As they in fact lose their forms of control.

My brother was often bullied at school and I wwas 3 years his junior and stood up to his bullies at school. As he did not know how to stand up to them. People made excuses for his behaviour at school. More so my parents. Now I got a beating many times over this by these bullies. Not before I ensured that I at least was able to hurt one of them in the process and this went on for sometime. A couple of months They could not understand how this younger kid, would continually take a beating for his brother. Thy knew they had no control here. I would continually take them on. Until they stopped bullying. As they knew that this bullying could not allow them to be able to control the situation.

When a child is being bullied, then they need to be taught to face those fears and in my opinion. This boys parents are also to blame for how he was never trained and taught to combat bullies. Where in fact this parents made it ten times worse and over video games. AS they tried to clearly smother him and protect him and by doing so. Set him up out to the wolves.

Thor wrote:Actually I think parenting in this day and age is leading to a rise of children not able to cope with tackling bullying and I also think mollycoddling parenting is a major factor to this.

This young man suffered from major insecurity issues and why did everything to try and fit in andut did so. Just becuase he was never taught how to be independent and strong.

Often a child will not stand up to bullying and like here bow down to the forms of control, that bullies act out on. If you stand up to bullies, often those bullies will bow down. As they in fact lose their forms of control.

My brother was often bullied at school and I wwas 3 years his junior and stood up to his bullies at school. As he did not know how to stand up to them. People made excuses for his behaviour at school. More so my parents. Now I got a beating many times over this by these bullies. Not before I ensured that I at least was able to hurt one of them in the process and this went on for sometime. A couple of months They could not understand how this younger kid, would continually take a beating for his brother. Thy knew they had no control here. I would continually take them on. Until they stopped bullying. As they knew that this bullying could not allow them to be able to control the situation.

When a child is being bullied, then they need to be taught to face those fears and in my opinion. This boys parents are also to blame for how he was never trained and taught to combat bullies. Where in fact this parents made it ten times worse and over video games. AS they tried to clearly smother him and protect him and by doing so. Set him up out to the wolves.

The best way to beat bullies is to stand up to them you are right, most bullies are cowards, and cowards run when confronted.
Unfortunately not everyone is able to stand up to them, and you cant force a kid to be what he is not.
Tackle the bullies not the victims....ultimately that is the way to beat the problem.

Syl wrote:

Thor wrote:Actually I think parenting in this day and age is leading to a rise of children not able to cope with tackling bullying and I also think mollycoddling parenting is a major factor to this.

This young man suffered from major insecurity issues and why did everything to try and fit in andut did so. Just becuase he was never taught how to be independent and strong.

Often a child will not stand up to bullying and like here bow down to the forms of control, that bullies act out on. If you stand up to bullies, often those bullies will bow down. As they in fact lose their forms of control.

My brother was often bullied at school and I wwas 3 years his junior and stood up to his bullies at school. As he did not know how to stand up to them. People made excuses for his behaviour at school. More so my parents. Now I got a beating many times over this by these bullies. Not before I ensured that I at least was able to hurt one of them in the process and this went on for sometime. A couple of months They could not understand how this younger kid, would continually take a beating for his brother. Thy knew they had no control here. I would continually take them on. Until they stopped bullying. As they knew that this bullying could not allow them to be able to control the situation.

When a child is being bullied, then they need to be taught to face those fears and in my opinion. This boys parents are also to blame for how he was never trained and taught to combat bullies. Where in fact this parents made it ten times worse and over video games. AS they tried to clearly smother him and protect him and by doing so. Set him up out to the wolves.

The best way to beat bullies isto stand up to them you are right, most bullies are cowards, and cowards run when confronted.
Unfortunately not everyone is able to stand up to them, and you cant force a kid to be what he is not.
Tackle the bullies not the victims....ultimately that is the way to beat the problem.

And why are they not able to stand up to them?

This is how you tackle the bullies, who said bullies are in fact often beaten and abused within their own families they live within.

You teach children to be strong and independent. Thus those who mollycuddle children are more and more. Prone to depression, insecurities, suicide, bullying ect.

Thor wrote:

Syl wrote:

The best way to beat bullies isto stand up to them you are right, most bullies are cowards, and cowards run when confronted.
Unfortunately not everyone is able to stand up to them, and you cant force a kid to be what he is not.
Tackle the bullies not the victims....ultimately that is the way to beat the problem.

And why are they not able to stand up to them?

This is how you tackle the bullies, who said bullies are in fact often beaten and abused within their own families they live within.

You teach children to be strong and independent. Thus those who mollycuddle children are more and more. Prone to depression, insecurities, suicide, bullying ect.

Not everyone, adults as well as children, has the pysical or mental capability to confront a bully, some people just want to get on with life peacefully...why should they be cast in the wrong here?

There seems to be an awful lot of victim blaming going around lately.

Syl wrote:

Thor wrote:

And why are they not able to stand up to them?

This is how you tackle the bullies, who said bullies are in fact often beaten and abused within their own families they live within.

You teach children to be strong and independent. Thus those who mollycuddle children are more and more. Prone to depression, insecurities, suicide, bullying ect.

Not everyone, adults as well as children, has the pysical or mental capability  to confront a bully, some people just want to get on with life peacefully...why should they be cast in the wrong here?

There seems to be an awful lot of victim blaming going around lately.

And why do they not have the phsyical and mental capacity?

Poor parenting and how society is moulding people into being perpetual victims, based on identity politics.

Its no wonder that suicide rates and self harm are climbing. People think its down to social media, when in reality that problem starts from the earliest beginnings in a childs life, how they are riased, based on self worth. Hence if we are not moulding children at the earliest ages to deal with problems. Then its a no brainer that these problems will continue to rise and only get worse.

Hence its utterly important how children are taught menatlly to cope with all problems and the best way to deal with a bully is to face up to them.

Thor wrote:

Syl wrote:

Not everyone, adults as well as children, has the pysical or mental capability  to confront a bully, some people just want to get on with life peacefully...why should they be cast in the wrong here?

There seems to be an awful lot of victim blaming going around lately.

And why do they not have the phsyical and mental capacity?

Poor parenting and how society is moulding people into being perpetual victims, based on identity politics.

Its no wonder that suicide rates and self harm are climbing. People think its down to social media, when in reality that problem starts from the earliest beginnings in a childs life, how they are riased, based on self worth. Hence if we are not moulding children at the earliest ages to deal with problems. Then its a no brainer that these problems will continue to rise and only get worse.

Hence its utterly important how children are taught menatlly to cope with all problems and the best way to deal with a bully is to face up to them.

You may as well ask why cant all kids be good at football, or art, or maths. People are different, some are aggresive some are peace loving, you cant turn ghandi into raging bull.

Yes teaching youngsters self worth is important, if everyone was taught that it would stop a lot of the bullies not only the bullied, but when that fails the problem has to be adressed where it origionates....and that comes back to the bullies not their victims.

Syl wrote:

Thor wrote:

And why do they not have the phsyical and mental capacity?

Poor parenting and how society is moulding people into being perpetual victims, based on identity politics.

Its no wonder that suicide rates and self harm are climbing. People think its down to social media, when in reality that problem starts from the earliest beginnings in a childs life, how they are riased, based on self worth. Hence if we are not moulding children at the earliest ages to deal with problems. Then its a no brainer that these problems will continue to rise and only get worse.

Hence its utterly important how children are taught menatlly to cope with all problems and the best way to deal with a bully is to face up to them.

You may as well ask why cant all kids be good at football, or art, or maths. People are different, some are aggresive some are peace loving, you cant turn ghandi into raging bull.

Yes teaching youngsters self worth is important, if everyone was taught that it would stop a lot of the bullies not only the bullied, but when that fails the problem has to be adressed where it origionates....and that comes back to the bullies not their victims.

There is no reason why all kids cannot be good at football, art, maths etc

People learn to be aggressive and hence it is taught and I not suggesting to turn people into Ghandi's, but to learn to toughen up children from the earliest ages. It is again why more and more in society today, we see young people act like snowflakes. Granted this is not all down to parents, but the education system.

Again many bullies are often bullied themselves mentally and phsyically within their own families. That also makes many of them victims too.

It's hearbreaking reading about the boy in the OP.
He tried everything to fit in and just couldn't.
It's sad that he couldn't have found someone ...maybe someone else who didn't fit in, just to have some support..there is strength in numbers.