Apollo 10's "Close Encounters of the Turd Kind"

Bathroom rituals in outer space are a perennial favorite, particularly when they go wrong — as evidenced by the latest wave of hilarity over the runaway poop that prompted rude remarks during the Apollo 10 round-the-moon mission in 1969.

A 500-page-plus transcript of the declassified mission log records tons of routine conversations among the mission's three astronauts: commander Tom Stafford, lunar module pilot Gene Cernan and command module pilot John Young. But six days into the eight-day mission, around page 414, an emergency pops up:

"Give me a napkin, quick," Stafford says. "There's a turd floating through the air."

"I didn't do it," Young says. "It ain't one of mine."

"I don't think it's one of mine," Cernan says.

"Mine was a little more sticky than that," Stafford replies. "Throw that away."

The astronauts discuss the finer points of waste disposal in space, and then move on to other business. But minutes later, it's "Houston, we have a problem" all over again.

"Here's another goddam turd," Cernan says. "What's the matter with you guys?"