Six questions to help you achieve behavioral change

Vintage wrote:If you are thinking clearly enough to ask those questions I doubt behavioural change would be required.

Ben Reilly wrote:I see what you're saying, Vintage. It's something eddie and I talk about a lot -- that when you get caught up in an emotional state, it can be hard to pull back and ask yourself questions like these.

eddie wrote:For a more healthy relationship to yourself, you may consider these questions when you find yourself in a debate with another.
Just something for us all to consider, especially on a forum.



Why did I react the way I did?

Phil wrote:Because you allowed yourself to be emotionally compromised

Did my reaction help me or harm me?

Phil wrote:Selfish, why think of yourself first here and not the effect it may have had on the person you debated?
Why not think about how you both may feel here

How does this situation fit into the big picture? How will I feel about it in an hour? A week? A year?

Phil wrote:Selfish thoughts again and is a view of not placing closure on this. If you have not resolve the situation sooner than later. This allows this to fester. Hence never learning and why people will maybe think about this even years later. Again how will the other person feel also?

What may I have misunderstood or be getting wrong, especially in the heat of the moment?

Phil wrote:How can anyone answer a question like that without context?

What would I change if I could do it again?

Phil wrote: By being open, to the others point of view, even if you disagree

What could I say to myself next time that would help me think more clearly?

Vintage wrote:Ah right, see what you mean. I try very hard not to get too caught up like that, I usually see most views before I say much, I put it down to being a Libran and I dislike saying something that will make a person feel bad, sometimes though I just might get caught in the moment and say something which I then regret for weeks, if not forever.

Didgee wrote:I mean nobody is perfect and no matter who you are and the temperament you have

You will always be who you are

Everyone has buttons that can be pressed

The key is learning to try and not react when things bother us

Its learning to control this and thus enable us to then be open and listen more to what people are saying

Its when things matter to us all personally. That we can allow ourselves to lose control emotionally

The point is recognising when we do fuck up or get annoyed

It shows we are learning when we do

eddie wrote:

Didgee wrote:I mean nobody is perfect and no matter who you are and the temperament you have

You will always be who you are

Everyone has buttons that can be pressed

The key is learning to try and not react when things bother us

Its learning to control this and thus enable us to then be open and listen more to what people are saying

Its when things matter to us all personally. That we can allow ourselves to lose control emotionally

The point is recognising when we do fuck up or get annoyed

It shows we are learning when we do

That’s exactly what the context of that list was in the OP.

eddie wrote:It’s a good set of questions to ask oneself when one has lost control. Anger is a good example of that.

I really don’t anger easily. I tend to remove myself from anger. Nothing gets solved in the midst of anger.

Vintage wrote:I am plagued with asking myself those questions I've always seen it as a bit character flaw.
I didn't think a confident, well rounded, compassionate person would need to ask themselves such things, I am compassionate but not the other two. I have also learnt to be very careful what I say especially dealing with people I don't know at work and that so it rubs off in private and already being that way it does become something of a burden.

Didgee wrote:

eddie wrote:It’s a good set of questions to ask oneself when one has lost control. Anger is a good example of that.

I really don’t anger easily. I tend to remove myself from anger. Nothing gets solved in the midst of anger.

Did you miss my earlier reply Eddie?

You are most controlled than most

Its rare to see you get angry

In fact I am one of the few people to bare the brunt of that and deserved it

eddie wrote:

Didgee wrote:


Did you miss my earlier reply Eddie?

You are most controlled than most

Its rare to see you get angry

In fact I am one of the few people to bare the brunt of that and deserved it

Well, you often admit when you are wrong (when you’ve said things on anger) and I don’t hold grudges against you. I kinda like you actually.

Vintage wrote:Well rounded in a square world maybe. Makes a change from a square peg in a round hole I suppose! I'm not one of those that fits in easily in this world of ours.

Vintage wrote:I am plagued with asking myself those questions I've always seen it as a bit character flaw.
I didn't think a confident, well rounded, compassionate person would need to ask themselves such things, I am compassionate but not the other two. I have also learnt to be very careful what I say especially dealing with people I don't know at work and that so it rubs off in private and already being that way it does become something of a burden.

eddie wrote:

Vintage wrote:Well rounded in a square world maybe. Makes a change from a square peg in a round hole I suppose! I'm not one of those that fits in easily in this world of ours.

Neither am I my darling, neither am I.

Vintage wrote:

eddie wrote:

Vintage wrote:Well rounded in a square world maybe. Makes a change from a square peg in a round hole I suppose! I'm not one of those that fits in easily in this world of ours.

Neither am I my darling, neither am I.

Although I realise there are others who march to a different beat in this world its nice to know you do too.

Ben Reilly wrote:

Vintage wrote:I am plagued with asking myself those questions I've always seen it as a bit character flaw.
I didn't think a confident, well rounded, compassionate person would need to ask themselves such things, I am compassionate but not the other two. I have also learnt to be very careful what I say especially dealing with people I don't know at work and that so it rubs off in private and already being that way it does become something of a burden.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking oneself such questions, and I don't think it makes you less confident or compassionate.

We all have our blind spots. Asking yourself if there's something you might have missed, or could have done better, doesn't mean you lack confidence or compassion. In fact, I think if you never ask yourself whether you could have been more understanding, or reacted better, that you're not truly compassionate, and that your confidence is actually arrogance.

Truly confident people can easily admit to screwing up. If you have trouble admitting when you've made a mistake, you have a fragile ego and no real confidence in yourself.

Of course, I may be completely wrong

Victorismyhero wrote:MY reaction to YOU and your attitude/behaviour, depends entirely ON your attitude and behaviour....

eddie wrote:

Victorismyhero wrote:MY reaction to YOU and your attitude/behaviour, depends entirely ON your attitude and behaviour....

See, I think I’m different to you. If someone is rude to me either online or in life, I rise above it and stay calm and polite. You cannot communicate with an angry person.
A person’s (unjustified) anger says more about them than they realise, in my humble opinion.