Think it’s probably best I stand down as admin.

I like this forum, but I don’t want to be seen as “Ben’s wife”

I actually feel better if I’m just a poster and not an admin.

I always want to feel like I’m me. Just me.
That’s so important to me. I’m intensely independent.

I think we have enough admins and I’m pretty shit at it anyway.

I don’t want to come across as bias, or anything like that, ever.

I’ve been feeling it more and more lately.

I’ll be really honest. I’m bored of you all.
It feels as though no one has grown and there’s nothing left for me to do.

I’m not harsh enough to be all fierce and say “oooh Ni@@er is a bad word!”

Cos honestly, I don’t.

I’m not harsh enough to say “oh I think slag is a bad word!”

I am not on the fence enough. I’m not angry enough.
I do not fucking care enough.

I just don’t think I’m really “angry” enough

Just find your own way to moderate you.

I’m sort of tired of trying.

For what it's worth I think you are a pretty good admin,  but I get what you mean about being bored.

Not so much of the people...more of the forum really, I don't think enough people contribute, either by starting threads or participating in existing ones, but maybe that's because other people are bored of the whole thing too.

Given the time you wrote this...I am suspecting booze or loneliness missing Ben could have something to do with how you are feeling.

Cheer up.x

eddie wrote:I’ll be really honest. I’m bored of you all.
It feels as though no one has grown and there’s nothing left for me to do.

I’m not harsh enough to be all fierce and say “oooh Ni@@er is a bad word!”

Cos honestly, I don’t.

I’m not harsh enough to say “oh I think slag is a bad word!”

I am not on the fence enough. I’m not angry enough.
I do not fucking care enough.

I just don’t think I’m really “angry” enough

Just find your own way to moderate you.

I’m sort of tired of trying.

That is a contradiction

You are not bored and how can you gauge whether people have grown, when its based on your own arbitrary terms?

I am not here for you to think I can grow to your level of thinking and judgement. You accept people for who they are or you do not

Its as simple as that

I mean, is this what is keeping you up at nights Eddie?

If you want to step down and be see as a poster, then none of the above has any relevance

I see all the admin team as posters, until they are needed to moderate

That goes without saying

If they are viewed as moderators first and not posters. Then people are judging them as moderators and not viewing them as people

Hence you are allowing a paranoia to creep in, if you think people think of you as Ben's wife and not yourself as Eddie

Kind of seems to me, you think you are secondary to Ben on this forum, which is ridiculous

So there is nothing stopping you being you

Its only yourself viewing and perceiving yourself this way

You have to ask yourself why you feel this way, when nobody is viewing and seeing you this way

You have always stood out in the crowd and what I have always respected about you

The only thing I get bored with is when Ben answers for you

Though I know he does this from a view of Love and also respect that

Its not a major issue

Hence stop being a complete wally

If you want to step down, do not offer up excuses. As that is all it seems to me as you are doing

As this is simple all in your own head, in how you perceiving people viewing you

eddie wrote:I’ll be really honest. I’m bored of you all.
It feels as though no one has grown and there’s nothing left for me to do.

I’m not harsh enough to be all fierce and say “oooh Ni@@er is a bad word!”

Cos honestly, I don’t.

I’m not harsh enough to say “oh I think slag is a bad word!”

I am not on the fence enough. I’m not angry enough.
I do not fucking care enough.

I just don’t think I’m really “angry” enough

Just find your own way to moderate you.

I’m sort of tired of trying.

You're a good admin. Too good and too patient.

There isn't a lot going on right now, its seems to be Trump, BLM, and corona. All done to death and then some. I wish I could come up with something interesting to discuss but the well seems to be dry these days, I think everyone seems drained of ideas in the situation we are in.
All that said I agree you are a good admin.

Okay I wasn’t trying to garner some kind of sympathy, I just felt that maybe some may think that because I married the forum owner that I wouldn’t remain fair and unbiased - like if Ben had a rule that I wouldn’t challenge him if I disagreed.

I was just trying to be fair. Probably got a certain idea in my head and ran with it perhaps.

I think we have a good moderating team and I often say to Ben that maybe I should stand down now.

I take all points on board. Always will.

Thanks for everyone’s input. It’s just something that has occurred to me a few times so thought I’d put it out there.

eddie wrote:Okay I wasn’t trying to garner some kind of sympathy, I just felt that maybe some may think that because I married the forum owner that I wouldn’t remain fair and unbiased - like if Ben had a rule that I wouldn’t challenge him if I disagreed.

I was just trying to be fair. Probably got a certain idea in my head and ran with it perhaps.

I think we have a good moderating team and I often say to Ben that maybe I should stand down now.

I take all points on board. Always will.

Thanks for everyone’s input. It’s just something that has occurred to me a few times so thought I’d put it out there.

Seriously Eddie

Stop worrying about what other people think

What matters is what you think

People will at times disagree with you

Fairness is not based on relationships people have, but how people act in their decisions?

Is it possible that you can at times be biased?

Of course, but who isn't biased at times?

I am sure some have favoured me with bias, when I have been in the wrong

That should never mean you should step down. As its why there is a number of mods, to provide a balanced and democratic decision on moderation

Not only that, I have not seen anyone of late calling for you to step down

I may get annoyed with you at times, but never hold a grudge and often laugh this off afterwards. As you do yourself

Its how we are as humans. At times completely fallible

Nobody expects people to be continually perfect

None of us are

The reality is, you and Ben have brought the best out in each other and continually do so

That is true love for you, and its for ever magical

I appreciate what you have said and maybe I am overly-analysing things too much.

Yes we bring out the best, but also the worst. I’m not gonna lie, when Ben goes back to Texas we always have a bad time coping and he often, in particular, loses his mind with stress and angst.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and words. Appreciated and taken on board.

eddie wrote:I appreciate what you have said and maybe I am overly-analysing things too much.

Yes we bring out the best, but also the worst. I’m not gonna lie, when Ben goes back to Texas we always have a bad time coping and he often, in particular, loses his mind with stress and angst.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and words. Appreciated and taken on board.

You are welcome

Its kind of hard for people to be apart

Though the reality is, you both love each other and no amount of time apart or distance can break that

Hence magical

On a brighter note. My Niece Rachel is pregnant and getting married next year (she previously had leukaemia). Of course we are constantly worried, due to her permanently weakened immune system, but am so happy for them both

Oh that’s wonderful news! Of course you have told me about her so I know how worried you have been.

Really nice news. X

eddie wrote:I appreciate what you have said and maybe I am overly-analysing things too much.

Yes we bring out the best, but also the worst. I’m not gonna lie, when Ben goes back to Texas we always have a bad time coping and he often, in particular, loses his mind with stress and angst.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and words. Appreciated and taken on board.

Yeah, I've had to look at myself really hard in the past week and judge my behavior very harshly.

Part of it is, as eddie has said, that we're the only two people we know who are going through this, and when we get angry, we can perhaps subconsciously blame one another, take our anger out on each other. And my temper is basically explosive when I reach a certain point, so that's a bad combination.

But I did some soul searching, and a lot of reading of insightful people, and I feel like I'm turning a corner on that now. So that's good.

Ben Reilly wrote:

eddie wrote:I appreciate what you have said and maybe I am overly-analysing things too much.

Yes we bring out the best, but also the worst. I’m not gonna lie, when Ben goes back to Texas we always have a bad time coping and he often, in particular, loses his mind with stress and angst.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and words. Appreciated and taken on board.

Yeah, I've had to look at myself really hard in the past week and judge my behavior very harshly.

Part of it is, as eddie has said, that we're the only two people we know who are going through this, and when we get angry, we can perhaps subconsciously blame one another, take our anger out on each other. And my temper is basically explosive when I reach a certain point, so that's a bad combination.

But I did some soul searching, and a lot of reading of insightful people, and I feel like I'm turning a corner on that now. So that's good.

People go through similar problems

I have been in Ireland for the last week or so

Due to a family loss

That is when two people in love can no longer ever be together

I have seen two people, my uncles. As people I looked up to, boxers, suffer with dementia.
With my uncle Brian, he at times does not recognise his own children, but thankfully always his wife. Who is now wheelchair bound, due to a stroke

You do not have to be a million miles away from each other, for people in love to suffer the worst hardship Ben

I understand your frustration and pain, but the fact is you have each other

Its magical relationship that was born and built on being apart. It is what has always made your relationship stronger than most. Yes its difficult. But no more difficult than those in the armed forces who have to leave their family and serve overseas for example

Things are placed in front of us that are difficult, but its our capacity to overcome any hurdles placed in front of us that what counts

The love you and Eddie has, can knock down any barrier placed in front of you and whilst it may often seem frustrating to be apart. You know at the end of the day, its only a matter of time, before you are together again

The hardest thing for me to see was my Uncle Brian a proud and former champion boxer. Not recognise his own children. Yet always smiling and oddly enough remembered me

The best thing you can do is draw on the strength you both have for each other

Do not allow the negative emotions to control how you feel. You both know its the positive feelings you have for each other, that always overcomes the negatives feelings, when apart. Never lose that

Stay gold

Thanks, Didge. I find it very important to remember to remain strong, and that remaining strong is how so many other people cope with major difficulties like the ones you described.

Ben Reilly wrote:Thanks, Didge. I find it very important to remember to remain strong, and that remaining strong is how so many other people cope with major difficulties like the ones you described.

You are welcome Ben

We are at times our own worst enemies. When we create problems for ourselves

As we can allow the negative problems we face. To control our thinking

Nobody is immune from this

You really do not realise how much I and no doubt others. Draw strength from the relationship you have from Eddie. Often being miles apart

I cannot even begin to imagine what that is like. For the pair of you not being together must draw out every frustrating negative emotion. Especially when this may make you often feel helpless. That you cannot be there in person for your wife and family

Just never lose faith in who you are. Its what brought you and Eddie together in the first place

Thank you didge.
The distance is horribly horrible.

This thread is  not really about the forum at all, it's about life and the crap that gets thrown at us all from time to time, some more than others.

I honestly feel sadness for Ben and Eddie who are separated from each other, and for Didge  who has recently lost loved ones, seeing someone you love disappear with dementia is a living hell for them and for you too....I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

On a lighter note I do think belonging to a forum family can help get people get through real life issues a little better....a bit like therapy really if you trust the people you post alongside with.

Eddie is great as admin, she is great as a poster.....and she manages to be both at the same time with dignity imo.

Syl wrote:This thread is  not really about the forum at all, it's about life and the crap that gets thrown at us all from time to time, some more than others.

I honestly feel sadness for Ben and Eddie who are separated from each other, and for Didge  who has recently lost loved ones, seeing someone you love disappear with dementia is a living hell for them and for you too....I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

On a lighter note I do think belonging to a forum family can help get people get through real life issues a little better....a bit like therapy really if you trust the people you post alongside with.

Eddie is great as admin, she is great as a poster.....and she manages to be both at the same time with dignity imo.

+1

Syl wrote:This thread is  not really about the forum at all, it's about life and the crap that gets thrown at us all from time to time, some more than others.

I honestly feel sadness for Ben and Eddie who are separated from each other, and for Didge  who has recently lost loved ones, seeing someone you love disappear with dementia is a living hell for them and for you too....I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

On a lighter note I do think belonging to a forum family can help get people get through real life issues a little better....a bit like therapy really if you trust the people you post alongside with.

Eddie is great as admin, she is great as a poster.....and she manages to be both at the same time with dignity imo.

Yeah you’re right. . It’s a nice forum to rant on. Like a messy, flawed, family.

Dysfunctional but fun.

Syl, I haven't been posting on any forum for the last two days. Ive been unwell and looked in at forums tonight and ..well! have sent you a pm. Thanks kindly to admin for allowing me to leave me this message .

OK Syl, I can't seem to pm you and I don't want to unfairly involve another lady. The last time I posted on CM was discussing racial bias.
I read a post about how I have been to Cannys forum and I have not. Posts are being written by someone else pretending to be me, I'm a bit surprised they are being let through.
I haven't posted today or yesterday and I certainly haven't mentioned the past. Digger doesn't want me there , it's her forum and that's her choice, but why then are all these posts approved discussing me. Text is always understanding and seems to see through the fog (glad someone can! ) so I did want to contact her rather than appeal to you. But it wouldn't be fair . She has been the kindest and most perceptive concerning me and for that I'm thankful.

It's disconcerting being impersonated and I'm really not very well, the person responsible knows that.
If Admin here wants to delete these messages please let Syl read this first.

I haven't posted for the last two days on CM.
I haven't spoken about the doxing from before etc etc. I won't post there again, that I can promise.
But if I keep being discussed and impersonated it will be reported to the hosts. Not by me, I might add. But CM is no secret to my family, especially after last time.
I don't expect a response. I trust you to do what's right, I won't ever darken your door again but the fun should stop please.
Yours,
Georgia.

Fluffyx wrote:Syl, I haven't been posting on  any forum for the last two days. Ive been unwell and looked in at forums tonight and ..well! have sent you a pm. Thanks kindly to admin for allowing me to leave me this message .

What do you mean mean “Thanks kindly to admin for allowing me to leave me this message”?

You’re a member, so not understanding that?

Fluffyx wrote:OK Syl, I can't seem to pm you and I don't want to unfairly involve another lady.  The last time  I posted on CM was discussing racial bias.
I read a post about how I have been to Cannys forum and I have not.  Posts are being written by someone else pretending to be me, I'm a bit surprised they are being let through.
I haven't posted today or yesterday and I certainly haven't mentioned the past. Digger doesn't want me there , it's her forum and that's her choice, but why then are all these posts  approved discussing me. Text is always understanding and seems to see through the fog (glad someone can! ) so I did want to contact her rather than appeal to you. But it wouldn't be fair . She has been the kindest and most perceptive concerning me and for that I'm thankful.

It's disconcerting being impersonated and I'm really not very well, the person responsible knows  that.
If Admin here wants to delete these messages please let Syl read this first.

I haven't posted for the last two days on CM.
I haven't spoken about the doxing from before etc etc. I won't post there again, that I can promise.
But if I keep being discussed and impersonated it will be reported to the hosts. Not by me, I might add. But CM is no secret to my family, especially after last time.
I don't expect a response. I trust you to do what's right, I won't ever darken your door again but the fun should stop please.
Yours,
Georgia.

Anons post with a proxy and so were you I believe, so how are admin to know
for certain that it is you posting?
If you are not well like you claim to be, then stay away and off forums.
You have brought your grievances here again to complain about another forum,
and that isn’t nice for the owners here.

eddie wrote:I’ll be really honest. I’m bored of you all.
It feels as though no one has grown and there’s nothing left for me to do.

I’m not harsh enough to be all fierce and say “oooh Ni@@er is a bad word!”
Cos honestly, I don’t.

I’m not harsh enough to say “oh I think slag is a bad word!”

I am not on the fence enough. I’m not angry enough.
I do not fucking care enough.

I just don’t think I’m really “angry” enough

Just find your own way to moderate you.

I’m sort of tired of trying.

I have never seen any member using such words in their posts.  Why mention non existent problems eddie?

Your low mood is nothing to do with the forum,  it's because someone very close to you has travelled far away, it must be an awful wrench and it's only natural that you feel sad about it.

I hope there will soon come a time when you don't have to be forcibly parted from each other anymore. As a married couple you deserve to be together. A system which forces a husband and wife apart - even temporarily - is plain cruel.

I don't post much on here so I'm out of the loop so to speak - but those are my thoughts anyway.

Fluffyx wrote:Syl, I haven't been posting on  any forum for the last two days. Ive been unwell and looked in at forums tonight and ..well! have sent you a pm. Thanks kindly to admin for allowing me to leave me this message .

Fluffy your low mood and low self esteem will improve once your clinical depression is properly treated xx  

You often say you want to contact this person or that person. Here is a fail-safe tip, a flawless plan. Use the old fashioned method and write down your passwords etc on a piece of paper and keep it in a private, locked  bedroom drawer or locker. You'd never loose contact details of anyone again. The people who are fond of you and care about you, won't mind that you keep losing their contact numbers, passwords, email addies etc. They know it's because you are clinically depressed and feeling poorly.


Fluffy you are a young, pretty thing and you have a good education & academic qualifications, you have soooo much going for you - and best of all, in a world that has its fair share of cruel people, you stand out cos you care passionately about downtrodden people.

God bless ya. x  

eddie wrote:

Fluffyx wrote:Syl, I haven't been posting on  any forum for the last two days. Ive been unwell and looked in at forums tonight and ..well! have sent you a pm. Thanks kindly to admin for allowing me to leave me this message .

What do you mean mean “Thanks kindly to admin for allowing me to leave me this message”?

You’re a member, so not understanding that?

She has mentioned that she suffers from low self esteem and low self worth - one of the typical effects of clinical depression. Such people are always apologising,  and thanking people for things others just take for granted. I guess that explains it.

JulesV wrote:

eddie wrote:I’ll be really honest. I’m bored of you all.
It feels as though no one has grown and there’s nothing left for me to do.

I’m not harsh enough to be all fierce and say “oooh Ni@@er is a bad word!”
Cos honestly, I don’t.

I’m not harsh enough to say “oh I think slag is a bad word!”

I am not on the fence enough. I’m not angry enough.
I do not fucking care enough.

I just don’t think I’m really “angry” enough

Just find your own way to moderate you.

I’m sort of tired of trying.

I have never seen any member using such words in their posts.  Why mention non existent problems eddie?

Your low mood is nothing to do with the forum,  it's because someone very close to you has travelled far away, it must be an awful wrench and it's only natural that you feel sad about it.

I hope there will soon come a time when you don't have to be forcibly parted from each other anymore. As a married couple you deserve to be together. A system which forces a husband and wife apart - even temporarily - is plain cruel.

I don't post much on here so I'm out of the loop so to speak - but those are my thoughts anyway.

You may be right, Jules, perhaps my “low mood” was due to the fact that I’m missing Ben, but I still had some doubts over whether I should stay as admin, for the reasons I gave.

Thank you for your kind words.

I agree with Jules, Eds. You are doing fine, and there is nothing wrong. You are feeling low and alone right now, and that is causing you to question everything in your life. It's undeserved grief.

Chin up!

Original Quill wrote:I agree with Jules, Eds.  You are doing fine, and there is nothing wrong.  You are feeling low and alone right now, and that is causing you to question everything in your life.  It's undeserved grief.

Chin up!

Thank you so much, Quill. I guess it was a crazy, unhinged moment of doubt.

Okay, thought I'd weigh in. First of all, when I asked eddie to be an admin, I didn't know her apart from the forum -- I just saw how she could be even-handed, consistently, and not let any sort of bias regarding someone's politics or how they'd behaved in another thread color her judgement in the moment.

I still think she's doing a great job at that task. She'll be the first to point out that she's not great at disciplining people or telling them off, but we have Vic to be our ban-hammer specialist.

What I've always gone for when putting together the admin team is a bunch of different personalities and strengths. I'd no sooner ask Les to be the bringer of the ban-hammer than I'd ask Vic to try to see both sides of an argument in which one member had seriously overstepped the rules.

In a nutshell, eddie was asked to be a mod because she's fair, and she hasn't let me down.

Fluffyx wrote:OK Syl, I can't seem to pm you and I don't want to unfairly involve another lady.  The last time  I posted on CM was discussing racial bias.
I read a post about how I have been to Cannys forum and I have not.  Posts are being written by someone else pretending to be me, I'm a bit surprised they are being let through.
I haven't posted today or yesterday and I certainly haven't mentioned the past. Digger doesn't want me there , it's her forum and that's her choice, but why then are all these posts  approved discussing me. Text is always understanding and seems to see through the fog (glad someone can! ) so I did want to contact her rather than appeal to you. But it wouldn't be fair . She has been the kindest and most perceptive concerning me and for that I'm thankful.

It's disconcerting being impersonated and I'm really not very well, the person responsible knows  that.
If Admin here wants to delete these messages please let Syl read this first.

I haven't posted for the last two days on CM.
I haven't spoken about the doxing from before etc etc. I won't post there again, that I can promise.
But if I keep being discussed and impersonated it will be reported to the hosts. Not by me, I might add. But CM is no secret to my family, especially after last time.
I don't expect a response. I trust you to do what's right, I won't ever darken your door again but the fun should stop please.
Yours,
Georgia.

I have replied via pm Fluffy, there is nothing wrong with the pm facility.