Being Gay Doesn’t Make My Family Dysfunctional

Last week I wrote about being a single gay dad and how my son was denied a playdate because certain parents did not agree with my ‘lifestyle’ choice. First things first, it’s not a lifestyle choice; I was born this way. Second, thanks for the supportive messages recognising that I am a parent first, and that being gay has nothing to do with my ability to be an amazing parent.

Someone did, however, describe my family as ‘dysfunctional’ simply because it did not consist of one male plus one female and one or more children. That surely can’t be right.

Psychologists and psychiatrists describe dysfunctional families as ridden with conflict, (alcohol, drug, gambling) addictions, and possibly child neglect or abuse. Dysfunctional families are those where kids were unplanned and are unwanted and where parents remind their children of that. Dysfunctional families are those where parents put their own needs before the needs of their children. Dysfunctional families are those where children’s needs are not met.


http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/tuvia-borok/being-gay-doesnt-make-my-_b_14216346.html

Excellent article and more to read on the link

NO COMMENT

He says this....

"I suppose it comes down to a question of attitudes and values. I’m not asking anyone to condone what I do in the bedroom. I’m asking to respect that I strive to be the best dad that I can be; to respect that I’ve fought hard to be able to parent; to respect that my family is filled with love; to respect and accept that my sexuality is not an inhibitor of being a (functioning) family"



I agree 100%. When we judge others (and we all do in one way or another) the main factor we focus on is surely never what they get up to in bed??

I always wonder how intelligent kindly people in other ways can come to so many conclusions about a person based on their own imagination.

Ignorance or indoctrination Syl, nothing more.

Sad fact is those who would judge gay parents' families are probably the ones whose home lives are far from perfect.

Eilzel wrote:Ignorance or indoctrination Syl, nothing more.

Sad fact is those who would judge gay parents' families are probably the ones whose home lives are far from perfect.

YOU have just judged people.

Your last sentence is incorrect, you use the words FACT and PROBABLY which is a contradiction.

Everyone is entitled to judge something which they deem **********, ******, twas not why humans were put onto this earth.
Humans were put here to procreate, prosper for the continuance of mankind.

Think how any children who are involved will feel, the taunting they will be forced to endure.

Major wrote:

Eilzel wrote:Ignorance or indoctrination Syl, nothing more.

Sad fact is those who would judge gay parents' families are probably the ones whose home lives are far from perfect.

YOU have just judged people.

Your last sentence is incorrect, you use the words FACT and PROBABLY which is a contradiction.

Everyone is entitled to judge something which they deem **********, ******, twas not why humans were put onto this earth.
Humans were put here to procreate, prosper for the continuance of mankind.

Think how any children who are involved will feel, the taunting they will be forced to endure.

You claim it was why humans were put on this earth?

Really? That requires some intervention from something. Where is the evidence for this imaginary being you believe in?

If that is why we are here, then to you those impotent have no purpose on earth.
Mothers who cannot conceive also have no purpose to you.

So people should never use birth control then?

And Heterosexuals should never kiss, engage in oral or anal sex then or protected sex?

So you say that children will be bullied and that is a reason not for thus having any or raising any children based on your methodology. As children are bullied for a multitude of reasons.

It is wrong to judge, but its certainly not wrong to challenge poor ill conceived beliefs that you promote

I think understanding should come from both sides.

People who are religious, or who were brought up to believe practicing homosexuality is wrong (in fact illegal till fairly recently) find it hard to completely do an about turn in their way of thinking....I can understand that.

I also think that if everyone had a gay brother, sister, parent or child....they may revalue their opinions a lot quicker.

Syl wrote:I think understanding should come from both sides.

People who are religious, or who were brought up to believe practicing homosexuality is wrong (in fact illegal till fairly recently) find it hard to completely do an about turn in their way of thinking....I can understand that.

I also think that if everyone had a gay brother, sister, parent or child....they may revalue their opinions a lot quicker.

But this is the point Syl, they are taught to believe something is wrong based on man made myths
The question to ask is how can two consenting adults in love be wrong?
Its people trying to force their views onto others lives, when their lives are not in anyway effected.
They chose to be hurt because they place their beliefs over their own children.
To me that is abhorrent, that you can create and have children only to then disown them based on nothing more than the man made beliefs created over 2,000 years ago. You cannot seriously love your own child when you place a myth as of greater importance.

Think about this logically, that this deity would have to be in every aspect evil. That it creates many people only to have love denied for them and that they will be punished for mutual love. How can such a deity be a symbol of love. When it denies love to something it will have created based on the beliefs. Its favoring some people to experience love and threatening others, they cannot have love and will suffer if they do.

How could anyone love such an abomination in what they call God?

Thorin wrote:

Syl wrote:I think understanding should come from both sides.

People who are religious, or who were brought up to believe practicing homosexuality is wrong (in fact illegal till fairly recently) find it hard to completely do an about turn in their way of thinking....I can understand that.

I also think that if everyone had a gay brother, sister, parent or child....they may revalue their opinions a lot quicker.

But this is the point Syl, they are taught to believe something is wrong based on man made myths
The question to ask is how can two consenting adults in love be wrong?
Its people trying to force their views onto others lives, when their lives are not in anyway effected.
They chose to be hurt because they place their beliefs over their own children.
To me that is abhorrent, that you can create and have children only to then disown them based on nothing more than the man made beliefs created over 2,000 years ago. You cannot seriously love your own child when you place a myth as of greater importance.

Think about this logically, that this deity would have to be in every aspect evil. That it creates many people only to have love denied for them and that they will be punished for mutual love. How can such a deity be a symbol of love. When it denies love to something it will have created based on the beliefs. Its favoring some people to experience love and threatening others, they cannot have love and will suffer if they do.

How could anyone love such an abomination in what they call God?

Well I'm not religious so it's easy for me to agree with everything you say Thor.
Harder for people who have lived their lives being told something is against Gods will though.

I do sympathise with people who cannot accept homosexuality (oddly enough many of those people don't condemn same sex love between females in the same way....I don't understand how that works) However I don't agree that anyone should try to force their views on others....from either side.
Live and let live....hopefully in generations to come topics like this wont even be talked about because homosexuality will be accepted without question.

Syl wrote:

Thorin wrote:

But this is the point Syl, they are taught to believe something is wrong based on man made myths
The question to ask is how can two consenting adults in love be wrong?
Its people trying to force their views onto others lives, when their lives are not in anyway effected.
They chose to be hurt because they place their beliefs over their own children.
To me that is abhorrent, that you can create and have children only to then disown them based on nothing more than the man made beliefs created over 2,000 years ago. You cannot seriously love your own child when you place a myth as of greater importance.

Think about this logically, that this deity would have to be in every aspect evil. That it creates many people only to have love denied for them and that they will be punished for mutual love. How can such a deity be a symbol of love. When it denies love to something it will have created based on the beliefs. Its favoring some people to experience love and threatening others, they cannot have love and will suffer if they do.

How could anyone love such an abomination in what they call God?

Well I'm not religious so it's easy for me to agree with everything you say Thor.
Harder for people who have lived their lives being told something is against Gods will though.

I do sympathise with people who cannot accept homosexuality (oddly enough many of those people don't condemn same sex love between females in the same way....I don't understand how that works) However I don't agree that anyone should try to force their views on others....from either side.
Live and let live....hopefully in generations to come topics like this wont even be talked about because homosexuality will be accepted without question.

But I was once religious Syl and brought up by staunch catholic parents and once thought also homosexuality was wrong. So where people are unwilling to challenge their own beliefs is through fear. I challenged them. I did what is called the outsider test. Looking at your own beliefs, how you would look at other beliefs you do not believe in. Its people being afraid they could be wrong and that they wrongly believe their lives will be shattered because all they once stood to believe could well and truly be wrong.

The reality is many of those who believe do not hold the same principles to other aspects of the beliefs taught. Like for example executing your own children if they are disobedient. In other words those people chose to decide what they really believe in that doctrine taught and what they do not. So why should I have sympathy for such hypocrisy? Of course some truly believe in everything that is taught in the Abrahamic books and are in reality sheep. They cannot think for themselves and their lives are governed by things they blindly follow.

Thorin wrote:

Syl wrote:

Well I'm not religious so it's easy for me to agree with everything you say Thor.
Harder for people who have lived their lives being told something is against Gods will though.

I do sympathise with people who cannot accept homosexuality (oddly enough many of those people don't condemn same sex love between females in the same way....I don't understand how that works) However I don't agree that anyone should try to force their views on others....from either side.
Live and let live....hopefully in generations to come topics like this wont even be talked about because homosexuality will be accepted without question.

But I was once religious Syl and brought up by staunch catholic parents and once thought also homosexuality was wrong. So where people are unwilling to challenge their own beliefs is through fear. I challenged them. I did what is called the outsider test. Looking at your own beliefs, how you would look at other beliefs you do not believe in. Its people being afraid they could be wrong and that they wrongly believe their lives will be shattered because all they once stood to believe could well and truly be wrong.

The reality is many of those who believe do not hold the same principles to other aspects of the beliefs taught. Like for example executing your own children if they are disobedient. In other words those people chose to decide what they really believe in that doctrine taught and what they do not. So why should I have sympathy for such hypocrisy? Of course some truly believe in everything that is taught in the Abrahamic books and are in reality sheep. They cannot think for themselves and their lives are governed by things they blindly follow.

Good for you Thor, you questioned your beliefs when you were old enough to realise that some things didn't make sense to you. I think that takes courage if you have believed what you have been taught since childhood.

Then again some people firmly believe they have been taught well....and in a free society that's OK too....as long as they don't try to browbeat others to think the same.

Sadly many people are hypocrites....we only have to look at some Catholic priests who preach about the love for little children ...and the way they interpret that, to realise not everyone practices what they preach.

The reality is, (and ALL political stances in the main, and certainly ALL major religious stances rely on this) that most folks find conforming to the herd easier than thinking. Especially when the result of independant thinking is abuse and hatred.

If you are of a certain age and the general POV changes as with homosexuality, It is even more difficult to start thinking freely, so these folks maintain the old "herd mentality" and become dinosaurs.

Syl wrote:

Thorin wrote:

But I was once religious Syl and brought up by staunch catholic parents and once thought also homosexuality was wrong. So where people are unwilling to challenge their own beliefs is through fear. I challenged them. I did what is called the outsider test. Looking at your own beliefs, how you would look at other beliefs you do not believe in. Its people being afraid they could be wrong and that they wrongly believe their lives will be shattered because all they once stood to believe could well and truly be wrong.

The reality is many of those who believe do not hold the same principles to other aspects of the beliefs taught. Like for example executing your own children if they are disobedient. In other words those people chose to decide what they really believe in that doctrine taught and what they do not. So why should I have sympathy for such hypocrisy? Of course some truly believe in everything that is taught in the Abrahamic books and are in reality sheep. They cannot think for themselves and their lives are governed by things they blindly follow.

Good for you Thor, you questioned your beliefs when you were old enough to realise that some things didn't make sense to you. I think that takes courage if you have believed what you have been taught since childhood.

Then again some people firmly believe  they have been taught well....and in a free society that's OK too....as long as they don't try to browbeat others to think the same.

Sadly many people are hypocrites....we only have to look at some Catholic priests who preach about the love for little children ...and the way they interpret that, to realise not everyone practices what they preach.

I have no problem with people having religious belief, as long as that its to themselves and not causing problems towards others, but for over 2,000 years it certainly has Sly. Like I say most of these parents that disown their children, would not be so adamant on other aspects of the faith. Its that hypocrisy more than anything when they are so vocal against homosexuality. Everyone has a right to their own beliefs, but religious ones often effect others are they formed from absolute beliefs.

Absolute beliefs do not allow for questioning and there is the problem, because as soon as people do, they start to question their own faith. That is why the Abrahamic religions play heavily on fear and punishments to ward off people looking critically at their faith. The reality is it does not allow for true free love for a deity and to believe. As that love is conditional based through fear and punishment. Its a very poor one sided relationship, one of which we would not wish on anybody to have with someone.

Its good though how more and more religious people are adapting their beliefs for the good aspects and really just believe in a creator. I have no issue with that, as its not effecting anyone, but sadly many still have literal beliefs which they believe should be forced onto people

Lord Foul wrote:The reality is, (and ALL political stances in the main, and certainly ALL major religious stances rely on this) that most folks find conforming to the herd easier than thinking. Especially when the result of independant thinking is abuse and hatred.

If you are of a certain age and the general POV changes as with homosexuality, It is even more difficult to start thinking freely, so these folks maintain the old "herd mentality" and become dinosaurs.

Well said, have a thanks

Eilzel wrote:Ignorance or indoctrination Syl, nothing more.

Sad fact is those who would judge gay parents' families are probably the ones whose home lives are far from perfect.

People do love to judge anyone who varies from what they deem to be 'normal'.
Believe it or not I was judged for being a stay at home mum when most women in this area worked as soon as their kids were old enough to be left.,,,,my son got some nasty remarks from a few kids, obviously repeating what their parents had said.
Single mums....mums who have one child (I had remarks about that too) mums who have several kids, etc etc.

If people tried to live their lives the way others thought fit...we may as well all live in Stepford land.

I cannot believe that human beings can virtually glorify **** ************** which to me is mega objectionable and **********.

I do not know one singul person who agrees with it, not one and I believe some forumuz do not always tell the truth either.

Why do homosexuals believe they have the right to force it down our throats and expect and get right of silence, using a law to curtail, silence antis

Major wrote:I cannot believe that human beings can virtually glorify **** ************** which to me is mega objectionable and **********.

I do not know one singul person who agrees with it, not one and I believe some forumuz do not always tell the truth either.

Why do homosexuals believe they have the right to force it down our throats and expect and get right of silence, using a law to curtail, silence antis

I think glorifying something and accepting it are two different things.

I tell the truth....I believe some do on forums and some don't, we all have to make our own minds up on who we trust.

I can honestly say...the only person I would find totally disgusting if he was homosexual would be my husband....and that would be because he had lied to me for 40 odd years.
Anyone else....including son, grandsons, uncle Tom Cobley and all....can please themselves who they want to love.

Thorin wrote:

Major wrote:

YOU have just judged people.

Your last sentence is incorrect, you use the words FACT and PROBABLY which is a contradiction.

Everyone is entitled to judge something which they deem **********, ******, twas not why humans were put onto this earth.
Humans were put here to procreate, prosper for the continuance of mankind.

Think how any children who are involved will feel, the taunting they will be forced to endure.

You claim it was why humans were put on this earth?

Really? That requires some intervention from something. Where is the evidence for this imaginary being you believe in?

If that is why we are here, then to you those impotent have no purpose on earth.
Mothers who cannot conceive also have no purpose to you.

Is that what you believe?

So people should never use birth control then?

And Heterosexuals should never kiss, engage in oral or anal sex then or protected sex?

So you say that children will be bullied and that is a reason not for thus having any or raising any children based on your methodology. As children are bullied for a multitude of reasons.

It is wrong to judge, but its certainly not wrong to challenge poor ill conceived beliefs that you promote

Still waiting for you answers to my questions Major?

Major wrote:I cannot believe that human beings can virtually glorify **** ************** which to me is mega objectionable and **********.

I do not know one singul person who agrees with it, not one and I believe some forumuz do not always tell the truth either.

which just proves the "herd" hypothesis".... you are part of that dwindling herd of dinosaurs Major, If you dont know anyone at all that agrees with it as you say....your circle of friends must be very small....or in accordance with the herd hypothesis they are too scared of the howling mob mentality prevealent in such herds that they dare not speak out...

Why do homosexuals believe they have the right to force it down our throats

ah the old chestnut...they are forcing it down your throat...erm nope...no one is demanding you indulge in said practices...what they ARE asking is that they be allowed ot do something ....which has NO effect on you, does not and cannot do you any harm....without you and yours whingeing whining and attempting to legislate against/obstruct legislation seeking equal rights.



and expect and get right of silence, using a law to curtail, silence antis

The law can only be used to silence antis who indulge in "hate spreading" and quite rightly.....

It is perfectly possible and allowable to indulge in reasoned and decent debate as to any objections you may have......

BUT "Cos i find it objectionable" ISNT a reason . I find a lot of things "objectionable" but since they dont affect my welfare in ANY way.....

Perhaps if the "antis, stopped having tantrums and generally behaving as if their favourite toy had just been shat on the rest of society wouldnt find THEM so "objectionable"

Major, maybe it would help to start by thinking of it this way -- being homosexual and engaging in homosexual activity has no negative effect on you or anybody else. Agreed?

Thorin.

It is why humans are on this earth.

I have NOT said I believe in any IMAGINARY BEING.

I have not said anything about impotency or women who cannot conceive.

I have not mentioned birth control.

I certainly did not mention your last sentence Thoorin so do not try and put words i to my mouth, you can put that which you want to into your own.
I disassociate myself from these latter comments from you.
It is pathetic you try to justify such ******** using humans with clinical problems not of their choosing, shame on you.

You claim it was why humans were put on this earth?

Really? That requires some intervention from something. Where is the evidence for this imaginary being you believe in?

If that is why we are here, then to you those impotent have no purpose on earth.
Mothers who cannot conceive also have no purpose to you.

So people should never use birth control then?

And Heterosexuals should never kiss, engage in oral or anal sex then or protected sex?

Major wrote:Thorin.

It is why humans are on this earth.

I have NOT said I believe in any IMAGINARY BEING.

I have not said anything about impotency or women who cannot conceive.

I have not mentioned birth control.

I certainly did not mention your last sentence Thoorin so do not try and put words i to my mouth, you can put that which you want  to into your own.
I disassociate myself from these latter comments from you.
It is pathetic you try to justify such ******** using humans with clinical problems not of their choosing, shame on you.

1) Is it, you still have not explained as to why.??

2) But you must do if you believe there is a reason for humans being here? What if humans were e lucky mistake in evolution? You do realise that humans nearly died out thousands of years ago and were very near extinction.

3)So you claim to believe there is a purpose. This purpose is to procreate, yet many people do not do so daily and are not fulfilling the supposed purpose you speak of. So do you act as you do towards them as you do towards homosexuals?

The answer is no, so again it is misdirection from you, because if that was the reason, you would be at odds, with the vast majority of this countries population let alone the world and even more so if you have engaged in protected sex. You would have to chastise yourself.

So if your reason is based upon why humans are on this earth, then you have no reason to be at odds with homosexuals, because you do not reserve the same disdain for even yourself. As you would surely have to do, if you even jerk off.

So the other points still stand

If that is why we are here, then to you those impotent have no purpose on earth.
Mothers who cannot conceive also have no purpose to you.

So people should never use birth control then?

And Heterosexuals should never kiss, engage in oral or anal sex then or protected sex?

Irrational, emotional off topic rubbish which does not help the topic/
You are using words which I have not written, you are ASSUMING AGAIN. you are so desperate to make points you are ineffective, AS USUAL.

Major wrote:Irrational, emotional off topic rubbish which does not help the topic/
You are using words which I have not written, you are ASSUMING AGAIN. you are so desperate to make points you are ineffective, AS USUAL.

No I am using what you are arguing as the main cause for your reason against homosexuality.
Which as seen would make you just about be against everyone
Proving your argument is hypocritical and misdirection
This is what you fail to grasp

Eilzel wrote:Ignorance or indoctrination Syl, nothing more.

Sad fact is those who would judge gay parents' families are probably the ones whose home lives are far from perfect.

Yeah
I feel that those Parents are the dysfunctional ones.

they are definitely not raising their children properly.

MAJOR, use whatever it is you have for a brain to work it out.

You said (paraphrasing): I am against homosexuality because it is going against our 'purpose' for being here-procreation.

So, and pay attention now, you view is:

1. Humans purpose on earth is to procreate

2. Therefore, anything that goes against procreation is wrong (in your expressed view).

So-

3. Homosexuality is against procreation and wrong. BY DEFAULT, the infertile or those who choose not to have children MUST be wrong too!

It's a simple line of logic.

Also- WHERE does this 'purpose' come from in your opinion?

You are talking a load of crap just to avoid saying you think something is gross, tbh.

Eilzel wrote:MAJOR, use whatever it is you have for a brain to work it out.

You said (paraphrasing): I am against homosexuality because it is going against our 'purpose' for being here-procreation.

So, and pay attention now, you view is:

1. Humans purpose on earth is to procreate

2. Therefore, anything that goes against procreation is wrong (in your expressed view).

So-

3. Homosexuality is against procreation and wrong. BY DEFAULT, the infertile or those who choose not to have children MUST be wrong too!

It's a simple line of logic.

Also- WHERE does this 'purpose' come from in your opinion?

You are talking a load of crap just to avoid saying you think something is gross, tbh.

lol, I have spent countless posts trying to explain this to him, but you did do it far better



Catch you later

Thorin wrote:

Eilzel wrote:MAJOR, use whatever it is you have for a brain to work it out.

You said (paraphrasing): I am against homosexuality because it is going against our 'purpose' for being here-procreation.

So, and pay attention now, you view is:

1. Humans purpose on earth is to procreate

2. Therefore, anything that goes against procreation is wrong (in your expressed view).

So-

3. Homosexuality is against procreation and wrong. BY DEFAULT, the infertile or those who choose not to have children MUST be wrong too!

It's a simple line of logic.

Also- WHERE does this 'purpose' come from in your opinion?

You are talking a load of crap just to avoid saying you think something is gross, tbh.

lol, I have spent countless posts trying to explain this to him, but you did do it far better



Catch you later

I just thought it best to break it down into numbers

I am not allowed to refer to it as "gross" which is 144-12 dozen,  anyway I would not have used that word.

Don't even think of twisting my words.

Major wrote:I am not allowed to refer to it as "gross" which is 144-12 dozen,  anyway I would not have used that word.

Don't even think of twisting my words.

So. What parts of my argument were wrong?