My England Diary or, a Texan in Old Blighty! PART TWO!!!!

So surprise! After just two weeks in Texas, I'm back in an undisclosed location in the shire of Essex for a period of time that will be several months but which I'm not saying here because of what I'm fixin' to say now:

I got into a certain airport on a certain day that is near in time to today, and immigration grilled me like the proverbial cheese sandwich. Apparently they're a bit suspicious that I have no job and that I've been spending so much time here lately.

And as I said to my cab driver on the way home, I can't say that I blame them, but it's still rough to go through. I had my passport inspected, I had to call edds and ask her to send a photo of our marriage certificate, and I started to feel like I was doing something wrong!

Just to put that in perspective, I'm not taking benefits, not gonna use the NHS, not gonna take anybody's job since it's illegal for me to work here, and I'm just going to occupy about 5-11 and 14 stone worth of space, and spend money coming out of my own savings and some help from my Texas family, and I can't shake the feeling that the government now thinks I'm here for some nefarious purpose.

At one point, I was really scared they were going to turn me away, and I was going to have to figure out how to break that news to edds and then get back to Texas.

Anyway, I have to take a little comfort in the fact that they did eventually allow me through, so I suppose they do have a certain amount of discretion they can exercise.

Really glad to be back. Two weeks (give or take) away felt like far too long. And I've only committed one felony since arriving so those motherfuckers can lay off me!

And boy, did you make a big deal of being “held”.

eddie wrote:And boy, did you make a big deal of being “held”.

Don't you worry, honey-pie, that story is going to get better and better as the years go by.

God I’m so sorry. I wish there was something to fix this.

Ben, black your face and say ,"no speaka da English" !

Sadly, Ben there are real and valid reasons why things are being tightened up here, and immigration officials are now probably being leaned on even more from above causing them to be over-suspicious and over-cautious.

It's such a shame when a genuine case like yours falls foul of the system, but console yourself with the thought that they have admitted you and that this must mean that your reasons are perfectly acceptable under the regulations and that you are not suspected as possibly being just another economic migrant more intent on milking the system than supporting yourself and your family.

Everything will now be on your entry/exit record, and I'm pretty certain that you'll very soon start to flag up as a visitor with perfectly legitimate family reasons for wishing to travel unhindered between the US and the UK.

I once had a hell of a grilling at Orlando Airport by an officer who noted the farmhouse address on my passport and gave me the third degree in order to prove that I hadn't arrived with chicken shit on my trainers!

And as for Tel Aviv immigration when I arrived with three cameras in my baggage when the regulation was a maximum of two...anyone would have thought that I was Osama Bin Laden!

(Mind you, saying Allah alaikum instead of Shalom probably didn't help )

As long as I work for at least six months and meet the financial requirement of £18,600 per year, he should be able to come over and stay for good.
So for the next six months he is here to look after the house and kids whilst I work full time. It’s hard but for a good cause.

Fred Moletrousers wrote:Sadly, Ben there are real and valid reasons why things are being tightened up here, and immigration officials are now probably being leaned on even more from above causing them to be over-suspicious and over-cautious.

It's such a shame when  a genuine case like yours falls foul of the system, but console yourself with the thought that they have admitted you and that this must mean that your reasons are perfectly acceptable under the regulations and that you are not suspected as possibly being just another economic migrant more intent on milking the system  than supporting yourself and your family.

Everything will now be on your entry/exit record, and I'm pretty certain that you'll very soon start to flag up as a visitor with perfectly legitimate family reasons for wishing to travel unhindered between the US and the UK.

I once had a hell of a grilling at Orlando Airport by an officer who noted the farmhouse address on my passport and gave me the third degree in order to prove that I hadn't arrived with chicken shit on my trainers!

And as for Tel Aviv immigration when I arrived with three cameras in my baggage when the regulation was a maximum of two...anyone would have thought that I was Osama Bin Laden!

(Mind you, saying Allah alaikum instead of Shalom probably didn't help )

Thanks, Fred, that really makes me feel a lot better.

Sorry about your treatment in the U.S.; they are fucking weird -- edds was interviewed and had her case searched the first time she visited Texas. They can be really gun-ho asshole

eddie wrote:As long as I work for at least six months and meet the financial requirement of £18,600 per year, he should be able to come over and stay for good.
So for the next six months he is here to look after the house and kids whilst I work full time. It’s hard but for a good cause.

One kid hitting her head and crying and one lost cellphone. I'd say Day 1 went pretty well, but tomorrow I actually have to cook!

Wow, sorry about the long gap in diarying! Here's a quick update:

* So far, so good -- nobody's contracted food poisoning from anything I've cooked. Fingers crossed!

* I've been here about 2 weeks and been to Tesco's approximately 30 times. Seriously, we always need something!

* Either people aren't noticing my foreign accent as much, or I've stopped noticing them notice as much ...

* It's weird when you feel more at home in a new place and different culture, I can't describe how strange it is to now find myself more comfortable hearing a couple regular guys talking about football than about, say, baseball. My recent trip to Texas really showed this for me; I didn't like people's accents and things kept annoying me just because they were different from England.

Adios!

>THE Ben Reilly< wrote:Wow, sorry about the long gap in diarying! Here's a quick update:

* So far, so good -- nobody's contracted food poisoning from anything I've cooked. Fingers crossed!

* I've been here about 2 weeks and been to Tesco's approximately 30 times. Seriously, we always need something!

* Either people aren't noticing my foreign accent as much, or I've stopped noticing them notice as much ...

* It's weird when you feel more at home in a new place and different culture, I can't describe how strange it is to now find myself more comfortable hearing a couple regular guys talking about football than about, say, baseball. My recent trip to Texas really showed this for me; I didn't like people's accents and things kept annoying me just because they were different from England.

Adios!

After a while you stop noticing them noticing you. It’s a weird feeling. All my friends here know when I’ve been on holiday or talked to the U.K. fam as I start to sound British; to them at least, I don’t think so.

Thanks for the update. God I miss Tescos

Keep going Eds. It will be worth it. So PLEASED to hear this bit of good news.

You’re doing great. You’re not moaning as much as me when I have to go to work.
But then, I am a moany cow in the mornings.

eddie wrote:You’re doing great. You’re not moaning as much as me when I have to go to work.
But then, I am a moany cow in the mornings.

Morning people are freaks.

eddie wrote:You’re doing great. You’re not moaning as much as me when I have to go to work.
But then, I am a moany cow in the mornings.

You are, I'm developing a coping strategy, though

Cass wrote:

eddie wrote:You’re doing great. You’re not moaning as much as me when I have to go to work.
But then, I am a moany cow in the mornings.

Morning people are freaks.

I used to think that as well, then I did the whole breaking news thing where I had to be at work by 6 am and I think I turned myself into a morning person. I'm really hoping I eventually change back, though.

Cass wrote:

eddie wrote:You’re doing great. You’re not moaning as much as me when I have to go to work.
But then, I am a moany cow in the mornings.

Morning people are freaks.

They are!!! What’s up with them???
Ben chatters like a monkey on amphetamines.

eddie wrote:

Cass wrote:

Morning people are freaks.

They are!!! What’s up with them???
Ben chatters like a monkey on amphetamines.

So does Mr. C. Even after all these years he still tries to talk to me. You would think he would’ve learned by now. Come 8:30 he’s like bedtime and I’m ready to have a party.

Cass wrote:

eddie wrote:

Cass wrote:

Morning people are freaks.

They are!!! What’s up with them???
Ben chatters like a monkey on amphetamines.

So does Mr. C. Even after all these years he still tries to talk to me. You would think he would’ve learned by now. Come 8:30 he’s like bedtime and I’m ready to have a party.

Hahahahaha no I have to say that we can both party till we drop.
But mornings...?

JUST DON’T SPEAK TO ME UNTIL I HAVE DRUNK SEVENTEEN PINTS OF TEA!

My OH can be as tired as you like but once he's up in the morning that's it, all chat and get up and go, I don't come around before my third cup of tea, conversation is something I can't do in the morning.

eddie wrote:

Cass wrote:

Morning people are freaks.

They are!!! What’s up with them???
Ben chatters like a monkey on amphetamines.

Vintage wrote:My OH can be as tired as you like but once he's up in the morning that's it, all chat and get up and go, I don't come around before my third cup of tea, conversation is something I can't do in the morning.

Me neither. Ben likes to tell me facts about “bat wings” or some shit.

gelico wrote:

eddie wrote:

Cass wrote:

Morning people are freaks.

They are!!! What’s up with them???
Ben chatters like a monkey on amphetamines.

Not even funny Gels. Pfffff.

eddie wrote:

gelico wrote:

eddie wrote:

Cass wrote:

Morning people are freaks.

They are!!! What’s up with them???
Ben chatters like a monkey on amphetamines.

Not even funny Gels. Pfffff.

I think you're all just jealous

>THE Ben Reilly< wrote:

eddie wrote:As long as I work for at least six months and meet the financial requirement of £18,600 per year, he should be able to come over and stay for good.
So for the next six months he is here to look after the house and kids whilst I work full time. It’s hard but for a good cause.

One kid hitting her head and crying and one lost cellphone. I'd say Day 1 went pretty well, but tomorrow I actually have to cook!

eddie likes to toss her phone into the toilet and then to a wizzle on it just for good measure

cos that's the kind of gal she is

Eds and Vintage I feel your pain. It should be against the law.

gelico wrote:

>THE Ben Reilly< wrote:

eddie wrote:As long as I work for at least six months and meet the financial requirement of £18,600 per year, he should be able to come over and stay for good.
So for the next six months he is here to look after the house and kids whilst I work full time. It’s hard but for a good cause.

One kid hitting her head and crying and one lost cellphone. I'd say Day 1 went pretty well, but tomorrow I actually have to cook!

eddie likes to toss her phone into the toilet and then to a wizzle on it just for good measure

cos that's the kind of gal she is

Oh, I remember that incident. She was really freaking out! I teased her a bit about that and then months later, my phone died and I felt the reality of phone separation anxiety

So this latest installment is going to be partly about some funny things that have happened, partly about some insecurities I have, and partly about how amazing my wife is, because they all go together and I'll show you how.

Edds and I were at the house of a couple we're close friends with, and the guy, we'll call him Dave, decided to build a fire out in the back. I'm always game for that, but when he asked me to help, he handed me a hatchet.

I love the fact that he was taking the piss, because that says something about our friendship.

But there was this weird squirrelly part of me that briefly felt insecure -- are they making fun of me? Or do I just not get that's how Englishmen cut up lumber?

Ah well, I suppose that brief deer-in-the-headlights feeling you get when someone's winding you up is part of the fun, after all.

I know this will come as a shock to everyone who's read my posts over the years, but sometimes I become annoyingly sensitive to the point of losing perspective and rationality!

Today I had to cook dinner and at a certain point I was utterly convinced that it was going to be a disaster. My stepson came in the kitchen after wolfing his down and said it was "really nice," and that meant a lot to me because he doesn't tell white lies to be polite. Actually, nobody in this family really does, and it's really refreshing and sane-making when you get past the initial shock of people saying exactly what I mean.

That's one of the things I love most about eddie, really. And you can all take this as the honest truth -- she doesn't fuck around, play mind games or say things she doesn't mean.

She can change her mind later -- quite easily, in fact -- but that's not because she doesn't mean what she says. It's really simple -- she keeps an open mind about all but the most important issues.

And I've told her this before, but if she has time for you, you eventually realize that it's probably because you have a rare quality, the ability to tell a truth about yourself that makes you look bad and not try to justify it.

Wouldn't you love to have a friend or a lover who can admit when they're wrong and not twist your mind into knots as they try to make you believe what they did was right? Well, that's what I have. And that's why I try very hard to give to her as well.

And for eddie, that mindset rules everything she does -- how she posts here, how she treats her friends, her boss, her kids, her ex, and me. It's just honesty, but many of us have some way or another learned some bad habits and lessons -- to defend ourselves even when we know deep down we really can't, to pretend to deeply understand things we know we really don't, and to behave as though it's somehow worse to temporarily hurt someone's feelings than to say something that they need to hear.

It really means a lot to own up to your flaws, to say how you really feel, and to be able to realize when you're waging a losing argument.

If I could give everybody here any advice, it would be to not brush off or ignore what my wife says, and I don't say this because we're married.

I say it because she has a fucking boatload of time for me, and that not only makes me feel like the most dashing of manly men, but it's given me enough time to wrap my mind around her way of seeing things and how it really helps people -- myself most definitely included.

Enough mosh tings now -- damn, Tescos was busy today!!! Damn bank holiday hours

Wow. Well that is true. I don’t fuck around and mince words, and I’m never mean about it either (my kids are the same, I brought them up to be like that) and I only really hang out with people like that which is why I enjoy their company.
Dude. You made me sound like a great person but you know that my indecisiveness drives you insane at times

eddie wrote:Wow. Well that is true. I don’t fuck around and mince words, and I’m never mean about it either (my kids are the same, I brought them up to be like that) and I only really hang out with people like that which is why I enjoy their company.
Dude. You made me sound like a great person but you know that my indecisiveness drives you insane at times

It does, but it also gives me the chance to be all alpha and butch

Never thought for a second, all my life, that I'd find myself learning how to be a parent, how to run a house, how to cook, how to get along in a foreign country and how to do that without a car, all at once. I'm going to be so levels when I master all this shit. Serious tings fam.

Get a room you two

So you know how you watch a big event show like Eurovision or the Oscars, and part of you realizes there are lots of unseen people working behind the scenes to make it all come together?

This is what I've realized being a "house husband" is. As long as you do the job right, everything runs smoothly and nobody really notices what you've done. But screw something up, and everybody notices

The difference is, the same job has to be done time and time again -- endlessly. But the task is never simply what it sounds like. I'm sure (no offense) many women here will find all of this quite obvious, but here's what it's like for me, former single-dude slob turned stepdad in a household of four:

* Hoovering is not simply hoovering; it's first maneuvering the hoover extension arm out of the little cupboard where we keep it, trying not to scrape up the ceiling too bad, upset a box of arts and crafts supplies, topple bottles of water, upset a stack of carrier bags, etc. Then it's lugging the hoover part of the hoover up two flights of stairs (once a week or so), clearing everything off the carpets and finally getting down to business.

* Cooking dinner? That's the end result of a supply chain that begins not with turning on the oven or slapping food into pans, but with making sure I haven't let Eddie run off to work with the debit card. The dishes also have to have been cleaned, of course ("cutlery and crockery," as the phrase Gels shared with us goes). Then there's a shower and a shopping run, gauging how long things take to cook vs. when we tend to eat -- and after all that, the cooking is actually sort of a break. A brief break, of course, because after dinner, there's more cleaning to do.

* Walking my stepdaughter to and from school. Well, that might sound like the easiest thing to do, but it's fucking fraught, due to her insistence upon talking while we walk. The thing is, I've never been a seven-year-old girl, but she has to navigate that mine field every single day, and sometimes, she needs my help. So, you know -- I try my hardest and hope for the best

***

Obviously, I've done much of this stuff before. But living on my own, I cooked when I felt like it, did laundry only for myself and, quite frankly, cleaned when I felt like it. If I wanted to change laundry detergents, that was my call to make -- I didn't have to take three other people into consideration.

Really, that's the biggest shock of trying to run a household when you spent nearly two decades rarely living with anyone else on a regular basis -- constantly thinking not only of what you need, but about what everyone needs, along with how and when they need it.

You have been thrown in the deep end.

The more conventional way is learning all this gradually. Suddenly having a ready made family from living a bachelor lifestyle must feel overwhelming at times.

You write about the highlights and pitfalls so well, I bet every one of us can identify with some of the things you say.

Syl wrote:You have been thrown in the deep end.

The more conventional way is learning all this gradually. Suddenly having a ready made family from living a bachelor lifestyle must feel overwhelming at times.

You write about the highlights and pitfalls so well, I bet every one of us can identify with some of the things you say.

syl, i dont know if there was some mad crazy cleaning up spree just on my account or if their gaff always looks like it did when i was there. it was immaculate. edds and ben have a beautiful place.

@ben

you really should write more of these accounts, not necessarily every day but at least a couple a week,,,,you can always ditch stuff later if you want to but your musings could and should be turned into another book

as syl just said, you write about it really well and paint a vivid picture

Helpful hint for shopping which I started 30 years ago.

Plan a week’s worth of meals. Make your list based off of that and keep it going during the week. Divide it into categories like fresh produce/dairy/meat/frozen/pantry staples/every week purchases/personal hygiene/cleaning/pets/drinks/household. Sounds like a lot of work but it isn’t and saves waste. But once you get into the habit it is 15 minutes of work tops.

Do have a couple of things in the freezer that you can just throw in the oven for days when everything goes tits up. Also 2 loves of bread because everyone likes French toast in an emergency.

I also like to keep a few stocks of laundry stuff/mouthwash/shower gels etc...and usually grab a couple each week for again those just in case emergencies that have a tendency to arise.

I love these blogs. It kind of reminds me when I first moved over there at 16 and then moved back to the US at 40. You can tell you’re a writer.

gelico wrote:

Syl wrote:You have been thrown in the deep end.

The more conventional way is learning all this gradually. Suddenly having a ready made family from living a bachelor lifestyle must feel overwhelming at times.

You write about the highlights and pitfalls so well, I bet every one of us can identify with some of the things you say.

syl, i dont know if there was some mad crazy cleaning up spree just on my account or if their gaff always looks like it did when i was there.  it was immaculate.  edds and ben have a beautiful place.

@ben

you really should write more of these accounts, not necessarily every day but at least a couple a week,,,,you can always ditch stuff later if you want to but your musings could and should be turned into another book

as syl just said, you write about it really well and paint a vivid picture

It sounds like the three of you got on great and had a really nice time together....forum mates progressing into real life friends. x

Cass wrote:Helpful hint for shopping which I started 30 years ago.

Plan a week’s worth of meals. Make your list based off of that and keep it going during the week. Divide it into categories like fresh produce/dairy/meat/frozen/pantry staples/every week purchases/personal hygiene/cleaning/pets/drinks/household. Sounds like a lot of work but it isn’t and saves waste. But once you get into the habit it is 15 minutes of work tops.

Do have a couple of things in the freezer that you can just throw in the oven for days when everything goes tits up. Also 2 loves of bread because everyone likes French toast in an emergency.

I also like to keep a few stocks of laundry stuff/mouthwash/shower gels etc...and usually grab a couple each week for again those just in case emergencies that have a tendency to arise.

I love these blogs. It kind of reminds me when I first moved over there at 16 and then moved back to the US at 40. You can tell you’re a writer.

and dont forget the bog rolls.......

Syl wrote:You have been thrown in the deep end.

The more conventional way is learning all this gradually. Suddenly having a ready made family from living a bachelor lifestyle must feel overwhelming at times.

You write about the highlights and pitfalls so well, I bet every one of us can identify with some of the things you say.

Yeah, it's definitely a new challenge It's not just knowing what to do, it's knowing when to do it and how other people want it done. You've got to bear in mind that so and so doesn't like cheese, so and so needs a variety of vegetarian food, etc.

Thanks for the compliments, everyone. Gels, in particular I wanted to point out that there was NO mad rush to clean before you got here

A few random tings:

* In America, kitchen roll, toilet roll, crisps, chips, a pavement, a hoover, tin foil, a jumper, pants, trousers, and the front room are, respectively: paper towels, toilet paper, chips, fries, a sidewalk, a vacuum, foil, a sweater, shorts, pants, and the living room.

* Americans would pronounce it: Totten Ham, Birmingham, Lie Chester, and Marlund. Brits pronounce it: Totnum, Birmingum, Lester, and Mary Land.

* I non-verbally told a guy off for driving too fast near a school as I was escorting two little girls home the other day (made the universally understood "what the fuck are you doing" gesture).

He slowed down, rolled down his window ... and apologized profusely. I'm pretty sure in America, he'd have given me all sorts of choice abuse.

* Some things about England seem really charmingly old-fashioned. We have a neighbor who still has a milkman delivering milk each morning and picking up the empty bottles.

Just wanted to thank everyone for understanding. It's a big change I'm going through, and sometimes I feel like I'm getting along just fine, only to have something else happen that I've never had to deal with before, and I get the (temporary and false) feeling that I've gone back to square one.

Sometimes you feel like you're fumbling around in the dark with no flashlight. There's no way to know how you'd react to your stepdaughter, at the dinner table with one of her schoolmates, blurting out, "Well, that was an awkward class earlier, what with all the talk about vaginas" until it happens.

Maybe there is a book in the story of a guy in his mid-40s, who's lived as a bachelor with only a few serious relationships, suddenly taking over the role of house-husband and stepdad in a different country. Especially if I could manage to work in a few dragons and/or vampires

I miss milkmen and milk in bottles.
Pubs
Countryside
Pork products
Decent bread and proper crumpets
Magpies
Gardens
Sarcasm
Decent tv shows
BBC Radios, 2,3 and 4
Thinking a cup of tea and a few biscuits will make everything all right
Fry ups
Red telephone boxes and postboxes
Black cabs
Being able to fly somewhere foreign cheaply.
The mix of nationalities
Proper wood fire
Boxing Day
Long vacations
Bank Holidays
Being optimistic on bank holidays by having a bbq
Mind the gap
Big Ben binging on the BBC nightly news (irvwas that ITV - gah!)
Quavers
3 picece suites
Airing cupboards
Hanging out laundry, especially sheets
Rain/moisture
Match of the Day
Wimbledon live
Decent Indian and Chinese take aways
Pound coins
Decent public transport
Ferries
Historical sites
National Trust
Good stationers
WH Smiths
Not having so much ice in your drink automatically
Going out for a roast dinner
Small efficient cars
Having proper seasons
Christmas crackers/selection boxes
Cheese and crackers and port
Sleeping with the window open year round
Being taxed at source
The NHS
Prime Ministers Question Time
Chippys
Tescos/sainsburys/waitrose
Trains
Duvets
Hedgerows
Roundabouts
Remembrance Day
School uniforms

I’ll stop now before I make myself cry

My sons partner is American. The other day we were comparing the US version of words to the Brit version...eg, tap = faucet. Nappy =diaper ...and so on.
It's amazing though how many American words have become just as common as the UK words now, we tend to use the word 'apartment' more often than 'flat' for eg.

The term "okay" is an American term that has spread far and wide.  Once I looked up the etymology of the expression:

Oxford Dictionaries wrote:There have been numerous attempts to explain the emergence of this expression, which seems to have swept into popular use in the US during the mid-19th century. Most of them are pure speculation. It does not seem at all likely, from the linguistic and historical evidence, that it comes from the Scots expression och aye, the Greek ola kala ('it is good'), the Choctaw Indian oke or okeh ('it is so'), the French aux Cayes ('from Cayes', a port in Haiti with a reputation for good rum) or au quai ('to the quay', as supposedly used by French-speaking dockers), or the initials of a railway freight agent called Obediah Kelly who is said to have written them on documents he had checked.

A more likely explanation is that the term originated as an abbreviation of orl korrekt , a jokey misspelling of 'all correct' which was current in the US in the 1830s. The oldest written references result from its use as a slogan by the Democratic party during the American Presidential election of 1840. Their candidate, President Martin Van Buren, was nicknamed 'Old Kinderhook' (after his birthplace in New York State), and his supporters formed the 'OK Club'. This undoubtedly helped to popularize the term (though it did not get President Van Buren re-elected).

The only other theory with at least a degree of plausibility is that the term originated among Black slaves of West African origin, and represents a word meaning 'all right, yes indeed' in various West African languages. Unfortunately, historical evidence enabling the origin of this expression to be finally and firmly established may be hard to unearth.

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/explore/what-is-the-origin-of-the-word-ok

Everywhere I go, the term 'OK' is recognized and used.

"I'm SWEATING."

Usually pronounced with the T as hard as it can possibly be (in Texas, "sweating" sounds like "sweddin'") and as though it's not a biological function but an affront to one's dignity.

I've heard so many English people say this, and it just struck me today how strange it sounds to me.

Then I realized that in Texas, if you're not sweating, it's probably November, December, January, February or March, and even during those months it can get sweaty on occasion, so we just figure if you're not sweating, you're fixin' to sweat.

Come live in Manchester, you will have little need to use the word however you pronounce it..

Just figured out this morning that a freephone number is what American people would call a toll-free number.

For hire or to let are just "for rent" in America.

Ben Reilly wrote:Just figured out this morning that a freephone number is what American people would call a toll-free number.

For hire or to let are just "for rent" in America.

And you sir, are an arse, not an ass.  


I really like this dude >>>>>> .....I feel as though I may have been him in another life.

I'm neither an arse nor an ass!

If anything, it is actually I that am this guy - - >

And also this guy - - >

Arse.

Awww....a lovers tiff, I love it.

Ben Reilly wrote:A few random tings:

* In America, kitchen roll, toilet roll, crisps, chips, a pavement, a hoover, tin foil, a jumper, pants, trousers, and the front room are, respectively: paper towels, toilet paper, chips, fries, a sidewalk, a vacuum, foil, a sweater, shorts, pants, and the living room.

* Americans would pronounce it: Totten Ham, Birmingham, Lie Chester, and Marlund. Brits pronounce it: Totnum, Birmingum, Lester, and Mary Land.

* I non-verbally told a guy off for driving too fast near a school as I was escorting two little girls home the other day (made the universally understood "what the fuck are you doing" gesture).

He slowed down, rolled down his window ... and apologized profusely. I'm pretty sure in America, he'd have given me all sorts of choice abuse.

* Some things about England seem really charmingly old-fashioned. We have a neighbor who still has a milkman delivering milk each morning and picking up the empty bottles.

Pronounce Marylebone. No cheating.